The Adventures of Mistress and nakeysub

Wonderful weekend.

2011-05-08T22:10:00.003-04:00

Sir came down Saturday afternoon to help me celebrate my birthday a few days early. (And He brought me a cake! Yuuummmmmy!) His birthday is a couple of weeks before mine, and I owed Him whacks for His birthday. (Meaning since I was in pet mode, He gave ME whacks. LOL He's still going to give me more whacks for MY birthday. LOL) It was a wonderful evening. Hubby, Sir, and I played all afternoon, giving me much needed stress relief and beatings (which gives me pain relief from my fibro for a little while). Dinner with Hubby, Sir, and bff, and then back home for cake.

There had been talk earlier of Hubby and Sir frosting their pet... LOL Unfortunately, we were all too tired and had had to much food (and cake) already. So Hubby, who was exhausted, went to bed while Sir and I played some more before falling asleep on the couch.

Early this morning Sir and I woke up and moved to the bedroom, caught some more zzz's before He gave me my morning spanking and we all got moving for the day.

Fun was had by all. LOL

The Wheel has Turned

2011-05-05T21:30:00.003-04:00

Hmm. I know, bad Mistress for not updating lately.

Quick version: collar's been locked on since Oct. 16th, 2010, I'm spending a lot more time as pet than I am as Mistress, Mr. B's wife gave Him carte blanche permission to do whatever He wants (yes, including THAT) in regards to our play, and Hubby (yes, I wrote that right) has also thrown himself headlong into this dynamic as well and pretty much given me carte blanche permissions with Mr. B.

Oh, and BFF is living with us again as of March of this year after spending six miserable months back in Ohio. LOL! (Gods it's good to have her back home!)

So how the hell did all of THIS happen?

Honestly? I'm not sure. LOL It just sort of...happened. And considering our impact play can do more to alleviate my chronic pain than any medication...I'm not complaining in the least. Add to that the fact that my medication has made it harder to orgasm, it's not difficult to see how trying to keep a pet happy can take two men. LOL (No, not like THAT, get yer minds outta da gutter. LOL Well, okay, there is some of that going on, but that's not what I meant.)

The more we play, the more I'm learning about myself and emotional triggers I have. Hubby is my loving, sweet, sexy man, and Mr. B is an evil fucking sadist. LOL (But the sweetest sadist you'll ever meet. LOL) I'm just kidding, because Mr. B has a sweet cuddly side too, but whereas he really IS a sadist, Hubby isn't. Hubby does NOT enjoy giving me pain. Mr. B thrives on it, especially knowing that the "good" pain he gives me can help the "bad" pain from my fibro go away for a little while, at least. Between the two of them, they're helping heal things I never realized until recently were emotionally holding me back in some ways in my life. And they're things that have contributed to why I clung so heavily to "Mistress" mode for so long as a safety blanket.

Life is good. Life is fun. Life is an adventure. And I know I've said this before but I'll try to post more often.

Happy Spanksgiving!

2010-11-25T10:39:00.003-05:00

I know, bad Mistress for not updating My blog sooner.

Wow. Lots and lots of developments.

Long story short, troubling health issues progressed to a point over the summer where I was forced to go to the doctor and finally got a diagnosis. No, I'm not dying, but I now know I have a chronic illness I'll have with me until I die that explains years of miscellaneous issues I never realized were interconnected. The good news is while I can't manage all aspects of my illness with medication, the crippling fatigue is managed with medication, so at least I'm back to a functioning level again.

"So what about you and b?" you ask? Yes, I'm still playing with b, with blessings all around from both our spouses, although our relationship has deepened as we've discovered some aspects of our impact play actually help alleviate some of my chronic pain. b is mentoring nakeysub and yes, I've bottomed to Mr. B in public several times now. The running joke is that I never say "never" to b/Mr. B anymore because H/he has this sneaky way of turning my "nevers" into "yes pleases." LOL

I've spent most of the past couple of months trying to catch up from my health issues and get my metaphorical (and literal) legs back under me. There's some days I can barely drag myself out of bed, so I've learned to prioritize and not push myself. Which has been a really hard thing to do because I'm not used to being "lazy." I hate feeling helpless.

And actually, both hubby and Mr. B have been a source of sanity during this adjustment period for me, both of them encouraging and supportive and it's good to have them in my corner.

Yes, I'm working on more installments of "Cabron." :) Don't worry, I will finish the story. It's just taken me a while to get back to something approaching a fully functioning level and real-life had to take priority, as you can well imagine.

Have a safe holiday!

Hmm. Yeah, Hell's frozen over.

2010-07-20T13:21:00.009-04:00

It's been an eventful summer around the nakeysub household. Take last Saturday night, for example. We went to a local play party with the group we usually hang out with. Which is where I found myself sitting outside in the passenger seat of a friend's car, getting collared by him as hubby looked on with perverse glee on his face...

*film pauses, cue rewind and distorted backward sound noises*

Yes, what did you miss during my summer hiatus? I knew I said I would try to stay in better touch with you, my pervy blog peeps, but it's been an eventful summer including a nearly two-week vacation nakeysub and I took (and a well-needed one).

So how did I, little Miss No One's Topping MY Ass, get collared...by a friend of ours?

Let me clarify that technically, I'm not collared TO him. The tag on my collar has my husband's name on it with our friend as my "trainer." Let me also clarify that this is NOT a sexual relationship, it is strictly friendship and play, and it's not a full-time submissive relationship, it's a play collar.

I know, that still doesn't answer the question, does it?

Let me back up. We're friends with a married couple, Miss G and b. As you can guess by the capitalization, she is his Wife, Owner, and Mistress. They aren't 24/7 like nakeysub and I, but b is a heavy player. Heavy as in he's the sub you look at and say, "Holy crap!" For the past several months, I've been helping top b in scenes, and as we've all gotten to know each other better, and b and I have been emailing extensively back and forth. He and I are a lot alike in that he loves to play heavy, and I would love to be a heavy playing Top with him because nakeysub is NOT a heavy player. I have no desire for nakeysub to get into that because his pain threshold is non-existent.

I don't define myself as a switch, although I like it when nakeysub occasionally gets a little toppy in the bedroom. By toppy, I mean takes charge, although it'd never been a "scene" between us like that, and my "submission" to him ended at the bedroom door. nakeysub has a switchy side even though he is predominantly a slave. b is a slave, but he's also a definite switch with a sadistic side to match his masochistic side. So I thought perfect, a "BDSM buddy" mentor for nakeysub.

So over the past couple of months, as talks progressed, it was agreed at a private play party nakeysub and b (dubbed Mr. B during his Top time) would top me in a back room where we could have privacy because no way in hell am I at this point able to bottom in public.

If nothing else, the writer in me wanted to try it because yes, I know the dynamic from a Top's perspective, and the theory behind what a bottom goes through, but I'd never "bottomed" to anyone before. And in the 12+ years nakeysub and I have been together, I've never been naked before anyone besides my doctor and nakeysub. I wanted nakeysub to see a scene from a Top's perspective, because usually he's the one blindfolded, trussed, and getting his ass beat. I gave b (or Mr. B) full control of the scene other than if I redlighted it, and nakeysub was relegated to his assistant without safeword rights. (I knew nakeysub would likely cringe and want to call it, but I can take a hella lot of pain, unlike him.) The agreed scenario was a trainer helping a hubby train his wife to be more submissive. *snort!* Yeah, I know. LOL

I'm not a masochist, but...wow. The payout came the next day when I awoke with the most blissful, calm feeling. Normally I cannot shut down my brain. It's the blessing and the curse of being a writer. "The voices" are usually always working, and even if I'm doing something else, my brain is always spinning. But I felt so...zen.

My ass was literally purple from the implements he used on me (including a Violet Wand) but I bruise from a hard look anyway. But actually, I wasn't in any pain. It was the amazing calm I felt that changed my way of thinking.

Now keep in mind that b and I have basically adopted each other as family. LOL I call him Bro and he calls me Sis. And the way he approaches play as both a Top and a bottom fascinates me. And yes, as he'd playfully warned me early on, he's sucked me in to wanting to do things to and with him as a Top that I never imagined I'd ever want to do, much less enjoy. He's literally one of those heavy players who rarely calls red, and I'm one of the few women he's played with who he doesn't just totally wear out because, as he says, I don't hit like a girl. LOL He's into puppy play, and I used to train dogs. It's a perfect match made in hell. ROTF

I know, that still doesn't explain the collar.

Talks progressed to the point that the realization hit me that I want to push limits on both sides of the spectrum as a Top and a bottom. nakeysub is, understandably, not comfortable with "beating" his wife. But he has no problem turning Mr. B loose on me. (In fact, he's getting a perverse pleasure out of turning me over to him for "training." LOL) Miss G and b's hard limits are very similar to the ones nakeysub and I have, including no sex with others although a sensual element to the play is within bounds. And we're all also very adamant about not crossing hard limits, period, full stop. Meaning I don't have to worry about some "dom" trying to push me into doing something sexual in the middle of a scene and taking advantage of me.

I'm not bottoming in public for the foreseeable future, although at this rate, I realize saying "never" is stupid because a year ago, I'd NEVER bottom to someone, much less someone NOT my husband, and I'd NEVER let anyone else top nakeysub (another friend of ours who can wield a singletail helped me out with him at a party a few months ago, just using the singletail on him, plus I turned him over to Miss G at the party to serve her by getting her drinks and stuff like that). But I've got a deep, dark streak in me I never really paid much attention to before. And b has a deep, dark streak he'd love for someone to take advantage of. So for those purposes, I'm his evil cohort. LOL Our spouses are basically standing back and letting us go after each other, enjoying the show and knowing it means we'll both blow off steam of the dark, non-sexual kind before running to them to take care of the sexual steam we build up in the process. LOL

And on the non-BDSM side of it, it really does feel like I gained a brother (well, and a sister in Miss G). I never had a big brother. (Well, I had an adopted big brother, courtesy of my first step-mother and my biological father, but I haven't seen him in several decades and don't have any kind of relationship with him. We didn't grow up together, in other words.) I never had someone...protective like that who I could turn to for advice or to pick on or be playful with. Likewise, he never had a little sister, and we've just naturally fallen into this...really comfortable dynamic. And there's no bullshit sexual issues to worry about, so it just feels totally relaxed.

I've talked before how I do not trust well or easily. He didn't have it easy growing up either. But we've both kind of glommed onto each other in this comfortable, sibling dynamic. And fortunately for me, nakeysub understands and has no problem with what's going on, because he's enjoying having someone bigger than him to hide behind who LIKES to get beaten when I go batshit. LOL

nakeysub and b (or Mr. B, in this case) are planning a "voices quieting" session for me over this coming weekend. I have to admit I'm looking forward to it. There's a good kind of anxious fear as Mr. B has gone to great pains to start the mind fucks LOL. Now that I've thrown myself down the waterslide to hell, I'm curious to push my limits. I've been curious about things like being on the receiving end of mind fucks, CNC (without actual penetration, duh), knife play, and generally hard play. And my husband's the first to admit he's not interested in going down that path, although he has no problem with me doing it with b. nakeysub wants to play on the sexy, fun end of the scale, and that's fine, but that kind of play isn't going to "quiet the voices" and give me that zen feeling. Next weekend, we're all going to an event (Miss G has to be out of town unfortunately) where for most of the weekend, I'm going to be in charge and have a willing pup and a service slave at my side. (Yes, I'll be a very happy girl. LOL) But the two of them are also planning a few switchy times for me as well, from what I understand. *grin*

What's even funnier is b and I, in the space of the same email, we'll each flip back and forth between Top and bottom mode. I'm sure there are "won twue wayers" who will say, "Oh, you're not a TRUE Dominant, you're just a switch." Well, I still have to disagree with that label. I'm a situational switch. I won't play with anyone but b (topping or bottoming at this point) and nakeysub. b isn't "my" submissive any more than I'm his. We're play partners, and while we torment and tease each other, that's not the sum of our dynamic and only one aspect to our relationship because we're friends first. I'm not doing this because I want to "be submissive," I'm doing this because it's a means to an end to recapture that zen feeling.

Okay, so that still doesn't explain the collar, especially if I'm not his submissive.

I'm getting there.

Last week b was teasing me (our agreed upon play name for me is pet) that all good pets need a collar. (He has a collar he wears when not at work.) So he got me a chain collar and a specially made tag that actually looks like the one he wears, with my play name, my husband's name as owner, and Mr. B's name as trainer. LOL ("Well, if you get lost, how will anyone know who you belong to? All pets need a tag and a collar," he said with an evil laugh.)

I think it's just to make up for me making him wear dress shirts and neckties. (I keep telling him to think of a tie as a vanilla leash, but he's not buying it. LOL)

He put his head together with my husband, and so that's how, last Saturday night, this Mistress got collared. ROTF

Why I love my husband.

2010-04-15T19:43:00.003-04:00

Knowing I am crampy today (first day of THAT time of the month), and had a crappy day (Tax Day, 'nuff said, even though there was more than that), nakeysub made a stop at the store on the way home and brought home...donuts. Not crappy donuts either, but the glazed yeast donuts I can go nommy nom nom on.

I'm not normally a binge kind of gal, but the first day or so of my period, nakeysub is usually in self-preservation mode and throws things like really good imported dark chocolate or...donuts...at me.

Gods, I love this man!

Cabron (Pt. 5)

2010-04-15T19:21:00.002-04:00

(Click here to read previous episodes of "Cabron.")

Copyright (C)2010. Unauthorized Duplication Prohibited. (Link to my blog, don't be a douchy dick and post it anywhere else. No, you do NOT have permission to reprint this! No, this is NOT a public domain story.)

Cabron (Pt. 5)

I thought about Charles all that night. Including the hour I spent using my Hitachi Magic Wand on myself to take the urge off the sensual ache the memory of his fandamntastic footrub brought to mind.

I wanted him.

I'd be lying if I denied it.

Could I be this lucky? After a string of failed relationships with guys who couldn't be strong enough for me at the same time they were submissive, that maybe I'd literally stumbled across the perfect man?

I sure as hell hoped so.

I didn't dress too fancy. I wanted to have a wide mix of options. I wore nice dark jeans, heels, a decent blouse. He showed up apparently fresh from work. Khakis, light blue chambray dress shirt, and a tie.

Mmm. Nice!

I love a man in a tie.

He got out of his car, smiling behind his sunglasses, and walked around to my driver's door where he opened it and stood, patiently waiting for me to get out. I took my time and he didn't show the slightest bit of irritation. I held up my hand to him and he took it, gently brushing a sensuous kiss across my knuckles.

"Hello, Mistress. You look very nice."

"Thank you. So do you."

"Would you prefer me to drive, or would you rather take your car?"

He drove a new Lexus sedan. I assumed he had insurance. "You can drive me in my car." He quickly locked his and hurried around to the passenger side of my car to open the door for me. He waited until I was completely tucked inside, and he verified the fact, to close the door.

I liked that. Didn't even have to tell him.

Once he was behind the wheel and buckled in, he turned to me. "Where to, Mistress?"

That word, rolling from his lips, had me hot and wet already. I felt like saying take me home, but I didn't want to rush things.

"Do you know where the Columbia is on the Circle?"

He nodded.

"There."

"I love that place."

He took off and we talked. Before we reached St. Armand's Circle, I said, "In front of others in vanilla settings, for now, you may call me Ma'am instead of Mistress."

"Yes, Mistress."

I reached over and squeezed his thigh. "Are you wearing underwear?"

He looked startled. "Was I supposed to?" Then he grinned.

I laughed, harder and louder than I had in a long time. "You and I are going to have a lot of fun."

"I think you're right."

We had a wonderful dinner and talked for three hours. He offered his arm for me to hold as we walked back to my car. I didn't have to prompt him to open doors, he never made me wait. We discussed everything under the sun from politics to religion and music, yet still we failed to scare the other off. Before he started my car, I could see in the light from a streetlamp that he wanted to say something.

"What is it?"

He turned to me. "I had a lot of fun tonight. I really hope you enjoyed yourself as much as I did."

I offered him a smile. "Believe me, I did."

"Do you allow for vanilla time in your relationships?"

"Of course. I also demand my partner has a mind and an opinion. You don't have to agree with me to respect and honor me. It's how the disagreeing is done I might take issue with. I don't want a robot. If I wanted a mindless pet I'd get a dog."

"Do you allow spontaneous displays of affection?"

I smiled. "Of course."

He leaned in and kissed me, one hand slipping behind my neck to gently hold me in place. I melted into his heat, wanting more, wondering how much the fine would be for sex in a car in public and not caring at that point. When he finally released me, my face felt flushed and I had trouble catching my breath.

"Thank you, Mistress," he hoarsely said before sitting back and starting the car.

Before he could shift it into drive, I stayed his hand. Then my hand slipped between his legs where I lowered his zipper.

He closed his eyes and softly moaned as my fingers crept inside, exploring. He felt hot and hard and while perhaps not quite as long as I first suspected, his cock was pleasantly thick.

No surprise, he kept himself nicely shaved.

"Oh, my dear, sweet boy," I said. "I think I'd like to see this." I glanced around. "Now."

Without opening his eyes, he whispered, "Yes, Mistress," and quickly unfastened his belt, then his trousers. Fully exposed to me, my mouth watered. I wanted to go down on him right then and there--hey, Dominant doesn't mean I can't enjoy sucking a cock--but that might be pushing my luck. Instead I grabbed him and slowly stroked, drawing another moan from him.
"Do you have to be anywhere tonight?"

"No, Mistress."

"Let's go get your car, and you can follow me home." At that, his eyes opened and he looked at me.

I grinned. "Leave your pants open. I want to be able to play with you."

He grinned. "Yes, Mistress."

###

Back from the dead...again.

2010-04-08T20:37:00.003-04:00

Sorry, my pervy little blog peeps. Life tends to get in the way. Between running a business, family, and real life, sometimes I have to prioritize. I didn't realize it'd been this long since I last posted, however. Sorry about that.

I didn't want to leave you hanging with "Cabron," so I'm trying to get more posted in advance so even if I don't have time to post it'll auto-post for you.

Cabron (Pt. 4)

2010-04-08T20:27:00.003-04:00

(Click here to read previous episodes of "Cabron.")

Cabron (Pt. 4)

Charles and I chatted for a while longer. "So hypothetically speaking," I started, "if I was to put you into a chastity device, you would wear it. Correct?"

He nodded. "Correct. But this pet best responds to positive reinforcement, not negative." He grinned. "I am not a man who gets more submissive the hornier he gets. The hornier I get, the more demanding I get. I am perfectly happy to be led around by my cock as long as I am fairly rewarded."

"I do issue punishments."

"As long as they are not arbitrary, and you have clearly defined the rules in advance, I will willingly submit to punishment."

"Hmm. You're not one of those guys who plays weasel semantics games, are you?"

"No. If you set out a rule, I follow it. I would hope at first there will be a little leeway while I learn how you wish things to be done."

"Windows, dishes, floors, clothes?"

"I love to iron."

I felt a jolt of sensual electricity flow through me at his playful smirk. "You are truly a kinky man, aren't you?"

"I've been told that."

I wanted to get to know him much better. "I need a full medical disclosure from you. Meaning I need permission to talk to your doctor."

"And I would expect the same courtesy from you."

"Collar?"

"At home and in situations like this, yes. But at work I am expected to maintain a certain decorum. I would wear whatever day collar you deemed appropriate that would not jeopardize my job."

"What made you decide you were submissive?"

He shrugged. "I had an epiphany one day. My wife, understandably, wasn't able to change her ways to meet my needs. Looking back, I can see how that caused friction between us from the very beginning."

"You cheat on me, I'll have your balls."

"You'll find me to be a very devoted pet. Or knight. Or slave."

"Or husband?"

He smiled. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves. You don't know yet if I'll meet your needs."

I squeezed his cock with my toes again and his composure faltered just a little as his hands paused and his eyes dropped closed for a second. He let out a soft moan before he forced himself to continue massaging my foot. His eyes gleamed with passion and mischief.

"If you're any good with that, and you put your money where your mouth is in terms of what you want to be, then I have a feeling you'll meet my needs just fine."

"Then may I take you out for dinner tomorrow night, Mia?"

"You have a phone?"

He handed it to me and went back to massaging my feet. I called my own phone so I'd have his number and handed it back to him. "You can store my number." He quickly did. "I live near U.S. 41 and Bahia Vista. Meet me in the parking lot there at the corner, by the Starbucks, at five-thirty. We'll ride together from there."

He grinned. "I'll be honest, I thought it would take me months to meet a woman who interests me as much as you do."

"Well, guess what? It's taken me years to meet someone who rings my bell the way you do." I sat up and crooked my finger at him for him to lean in close. I gave him a kiss, and felt like asking him to fuck my brains out right there. I actually slipped into his arms, straddling him and wrapping my arms and legs around him as we kissed. He let me take control, giving just enough back I knew he wouldn't be wimpy in bed.

"Now kiss me hard," I ordered.

He did, his tongue nearly melting me as it stroked and explored mine.

Goddamn, I wanted him. Really wanted him.

I finally leaned back and looked him in the eye. "If I find out you're playing me, I'll castrate you myself."

"I won't disappoint you, Mia."

I studied him. "You may call me Mistress."

His eyes brightened as widely as his smile. "Thank you, Mistress."

###

HNT

2010-01-21T01:00:00.001-05:00

Me getting ready for last Saturday's play party. I need to put up a post about that.

Thoughts on "Domme by Default"

2010-01-20T22:13:00.002-05:00

I re-read one of my favorites the other night, "Domme by Default" by Tymber Dalton. (See the link in the sidebar if you're interested.)

I'm a voracious reader. I just finished her "Safe Harbor" and wanted to re-read this one, because frankly, I love "The Reluctant Dom" but I bawl my friggin' eyes out every time I read it.

I've seen a lot of books where you can tell the writer knows shit about BDSM or D/s or M/s dynamics. They're writing something that they researched for all of five minutes, or got their ideas by reading other authors who haven't done the research either.

I try to refer books to you, my pervy blog peeps, that I like which either realistically depict the dynamics, or that depict it well enough that it doesn't make me toss the book (or my e-reader) against the wall. (I can't refer you to my own books, duh, the whole can't out myself thing. *LOL*)

"Domme by Default" is one of those books that's just yummy. There's a fantasy versus reality aspect to a 24/7 relationship that Dalton captured perfectly, and I know because I've FELT that same damn thing. Like everything was dumped on my shoulders, why the fuck should I have to deal with this?

But I also loved the way the couple grew, give and take, until both embraced roles not only for themselves, but for each other as well. Because that's what does happen in reality, it happened for us and from other blogs I know it happens to others as well.

It also put me in the mood to dig out our strap-on toy, which hasn't seen nearly enough action lately. Hmm...

'Scuse me, I need to go take care of something.

*evil grin*

Cabron (Pt. 3)

2010-01-19T10:24:00.004-05:00

(Click here to read previous episodes of "Cabron.")

Cabron (Pt. 3)

So Charles and I had a nice chat, if him rubbing my feet while I used my toes to massage his cock through his pants could be considered "chatting." An engineer by trade, he'd just moved to Sarasota after a nasty divorce. No kids, gainfully employed, and...

Le sigh, flexible.

I'm not into the cuck dynamic, but I won't deny I'm a pervy het woman who likes to watch two guys together.

"What would you do for me, if I did decide to take you on as my sub?" I asked.

He considered his answer for a moment. I liked that, no rote bullshit wank fantasy answer, or a blurted out "anything" that would soon translate into limits just barely the kinky side of vanilla.

"It depends," he finally said.

"Depends on what?"

He shrugged and switched feet again. Jesus Christ I was going to leave a wet spot on the freaking bench at this rate. I used the toes of my other foot to rub his cock through his pants.

I could tell that, at least, wouldn't disappoint me.

"I'm not into extreme humiliation, although a little private play would be all right. I'm not into anything that would permanently mark or disfigure me. No forced bi. If you want to play like that I have to insist on some input, but believe me, I'm not adverse to playing like that." He arched an eyebrow at me again. "And I insist on being the only sub in your life, and your only sexual partner unless we've mutually agreed on a threesome in advance, although I have no objection to non-sexual play with others. Other minor issues."

Nothing that would crimp my style so far. "Tell me what your view of being a sub is."

More careful consideration. "I see myself as a knight for my lady. Slay the dragons and then returning on bended knee before her to do her will, whatever that will might be."

"Within limits."

He nodded. "A few limits."

"Get them on the table now."

"No watersports or anything like that. I have my pride. I don't mind being a footstool on occasion, but no one uses me as a toilet." He smiled.

I laughed. "Um, we are sooo on the same page. That's a total ick for me, too."

"Good. I would be willing to try needle play, but honestly? From what I've seen, it's not a turn-on."

"Okay."

"I won't wear a dress or high heels unless it's to a costume party. I'm a man. I will tolerate mild cock and ball torture that doesn't leave me unable to walk, and you can bind and beat me to your heart's content, but I will not wear a bra and panties."

I leaned back on my elbows. "So far, so good."

"I'm not fond of forced chastity. If you tell me not to play with myself, I won't. If you tell me not to come, I won't. But don't keep me that way for months and not expect me to rebel at some point."

"Agreed."

He thought for another moment. "Don't turn me over to others as a plaything and then disappear. I put my trust in your hands, whether you're the one scening with me or letting others play with me. If you insist on doing that, I want you there to intervene if necessary."

"I don't share well with others like that."

He nodded. "What are you looking for?"

"Someone I can trust. Someone who when I tell him to do something for me, whether it's get me coffee or get me off, his first response is, 'Yes, ma'am,' and not, 'I'm busy!' I want a man who will get the doors and vacuum the floors, who is equally comfortable fucking my brains out if I tell him to, or letting me don a strap-on and fuck him."

His grin widened. "Go on."

"I want a man who is a man comfortable both with his masculinity, and comfortable submitting to me in all ways without question. Fiercely Alpha with everyone else, and yet who melts in my hands. I want a man who knows I'm human and not some fantasy Domme without emotions, who will treat me as a woman and a partner when I need down time, but when I'm ready, can slip back into his sub mode without issues. I don't want a switch, because I'm not a switch. I just need a man who understands the realities of twenty-four-seven life and is ready to embrace it in all ways and who fights the urge to top from the bottom on a regular basis."

"I like the sound of that."

"Oh, and one more thing."

He waited.

"You ever ask me to fuck you up the ass with a Barbie doll, you're out on same said ass before you can say 'Ken and Barbie.'"

His laughter rolled out of him. When he finally composed himself, he said, "A Barbie doll? The way you say that, it sounds like it really happened."

"It did. That's why I've added it to my list of conditions."

He snickered. "I'm perfectly happy being fucked with a regular old strap-on."

###

HNT: Another one for the foot fettishers.

2010-01-14T05:00:00.003-05:00

Color: Orly's "Close Your Eyes."

How apropos.

Thoughts on "female superiority."

2010-01-12T09:50:00.000-05:00

I've seen a lot of widely differing opinions on FLR/WLR relationships, from the men being crudely-treated playthings to cherished butlers, and everything in between. There is no right or wrong way to define your relationship as long as it works for you. What works for others doesn't work for us, and vice-versa, and that's cool, seriously. This rambling thought isn't in any way, shape, or form meant to put down how anyone expresses their particular kink.

On the overall kink scale, nakeysub and I are rather tame. He's not a pain slut, although he is enjoying impact play and I'm slowly stepping that up. He is very service/obedience oriented, but he enjoys being dominated as well. He's not into humiliation (although some would argue the Christmas decorations were just that *LOL*) I'm not a huge physical sadist, although I am enjoying learning the art of the mindfuck to take him into subspace.

I don't see myself as "superior" to nakeysub just because we've decided to live a life of Mistress/slave. I don't see him as "less than" in any way. He's not "just" nakeysub. He's my husband, partner, soulmate, friend, and lover. I don't look at this relationship of me being more than or him being less than. I see it like the yin yang symbol, two parts curled together making a whole.

I admit (and don't take this the wrong way, because I'm simply thinking out loud here) I don't understand the need to cuckold/be cucked. It's not one of nakeysub's things, thank the Goddess, because I couldn't do that to him. I couldn't do humiliation, either. I mean, the rational, thinking, open-minded me can wrap my brain around the fact that for some, that's a kink like being beaten or fire play or bondage or any number of fetishes. And if it's your fetish, more power to you, have at it, I'm not knocking it or putting it down if it works for you.

But after having gone through an emotionally abusive relationship, I can't wrap the feeling part of my brain around it. I spent so many years not feeling cherished or important that I couldn't bring myself to either give or receive anything resembling that kind of abuse in my relationship with nakeysub. And while I joke that I could easily be poly, it is just that--a joke. I don't "need" to be with anyone other than nakeysub, although I see why others have that need and more power to them, if it's their thing, go for it. (Considering poly plays a large part in many of my writings, believe me, I'm not opposed to it.)

Here's the thing--I don't need anyone else. If I needed more orgasms, well, I have a Hitachi Magic Wand and a shower massager, quite frankly. What I need from nakeysub, his love, support, his warm body curled around mine at night, someone to open my soul to without worry of being betrayed, his partnership and the laughs we have together, I couldn't find that with anyone else the way I have with him. I don't trust easily, and I'm never happy in a relationship where I cannot trust. And the trust we have--the trust I NEED--took years to develop. I spent the first six months of our relationship (and he knows this, because I was honest about it) waiting for the other shoe to drop with him. I was just out of a horrible marriage and still decompressing from that. In fact, I've said it before and I'll say it again, had nakeysub sprung all this on me back then, it probably would have killed our relationship.

I needed to know I had his solid, trustworthy strength. I needed someone I could trust. I needed to know when I couldn't rely on anyone else, that I had him there beside me, with me, in all ways, and I have that.

I in no way see myself as "superior" to him or anyone else, for that matter. I think if one person sees themselves in that way in a relationship, it's the beginning of the end. My ex-assholio thought he was better than me in many ways. (My marriage to nakeysub is now nearly twice as long as the one I had to ex-assholio.)

Whether you're cucking or cucked, slut or saint, Mistress or doormat, I don't think there is a "superiority" to either side of that coin. Because how the exterior manifestations of the relationship appear to anyone else, no matter how they are expressed, for the relationship to survive and strengthen, the foundation needs to be trust and respect. Which is odd, I know, considering some of the things people do to each other. I say respect in that, in our case for example, I trust nakeysub knows his own mind (usually *LOL*) and when he asks for something, he wants it for some reason. I might not always understand the whys, but I respect who he is. I also respect him for having the strength to ask, and the strength to trust me enough to turn himself over to me and my domination of him. He respects me and respects what I need and what I can and cannot do within the boundaries of our relationship.

I think too many sub men (from what I've seen on various forums) tend to seek out the fetish aspect of what they need instead of seeking out a partner and building and growing from there. When you trust and love someone, you can be vanilla office geek by day, and humiliated cuckolded husband at night, and easily transition between the two (or even maintain something in between) because you have that foundation of trust between you and your partner.

It's fine for a submissive man to say, "I want a woman to dominate me." Okay, go for it. But do you trust her? Does she trust you? Do you have mutual respect? If there isn't a baseline of mutual respect of some sort (and it has to be earned, let's face it) then there won't be a long-term future ahead.

Again, don't confuse respect for each other with scenes or actions within the relationship. I've seen couples where you wouldn't possibly imagine the dominant woman has an ounce of respect for the man, but the truth is, she loves him very much and does respect him even if how that respect is manifested is in some pretty contrary-appearing ways.

I don't think you can see yourself as "superior" and have respect for people you feel are inferior. Isn't this a dynamic we've seen get bigwigs in trouble in government and big business and show business? A feeling that you're better than others putting you out of touch with others?

You have to separate the two for a successful combination. On a personal level, as a partner, there has to be trust and respect. How you express it is up to you to decide between you.

I WANT ONE!

2010-01-12T08:50:00.002-05:00

http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/kitchen/86dd/

This online store is now officially my new favorite place, even moreso than Dom (Home) Depot. *LOL*

No, not missing...

2010-01-11T21:11:00.000-05:00

...just stuck in preparing our tax stuff for the accountant hell.

HNT

2010-01-07T05:00:00.001-05:00

No, that's not nakeysub.

Countdown.

2010-01-06T15:07:00.003-05:00

Ugh. That. Fucking. Alarm. Clock.

I hate that damn thing. Six a.m. comes waaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy too fucking early for my liking every day.

nakeysub and I are both looking forward to his retirement in less than two years. He'll still be working, because we've got our own business in addition to my writing and his job. We just started it in hopes it will be able to replace some of his income by the time he retires. But the point is it's a home-based business (no, not Amway, gads I did that with ex-assholio, never again will you get me to draw circles on whiteboards!) and we can set our own hours with it.

Meaning noooooo six a.m. wake-ups. Yay!

I just wanted to roll over and cuddle with nakeysub. Now that I'm feeling back to normal, I'm still dying to bend him over the bed and ream him good with the Feeldoe. (I love that toy.) It's been a while since we've had a good play session with that thing too.

To me, there is something hot about strap-on play. I don't make him fellate the thing or anything like that, but it's the fact that he's totally giving himself over to me in a way that is so trusting and honest. I like the vulnerability, I like the way he drops into subspace like a damn rock tossed into a pond, everything about it. I like how I don't even have to mindfuck him to get him there, he literally does all the work himself, frothing himself up into a good submissive mindset when I talk about doing him with the Feeldoe.

So the countdown to his "retirement" has begun, even though technically it's not a full-time retirement. *LOL* But another thing I admit I'll love is being able to make him work in a collar and wrist cuffs and nothing else if I want. Or if I want to molest him in the middle of the workday, I can do that too. Yum!

Ask nakeysub.

2010-01-05T08:44:00.002-05:00

I'm stealing this idea from Thumper, who stole it from someone else. I'm the primary author of this blog, because I'm the one with the time to do it. (And because I'm Da Domme, that's why.)

But what would you like to hear from nakeysub? Any questions you'd like to ask him?

Put them in the comments and I'll have him answer and post his responses.

Spank you very much.

2010-01-04T08:48:00.002-05:00

nakeysub got spanked last night. I mean not just a swat across his ass. I flat-handed him, full force, about ten times.

Reason?

He didn't wear any of the three formal collars he has to choose from yesterday. His excuse? He didn't feel good. And yet, he didn't ASK me if he could refrain from wearing one of them. (He was wearing his day collar, he always wears that.)

He agreed that in the future, he will remember to ask permission.

I reminded him that 2010 is the year of Mistress cracking down and enforcing our rules list, as per his request that I do so.

Be careful what you wish for...

Cabron (Pt. 2)

2010-01-03T00:00:00.002-05:00

(Click here to read previous episodes of "Cabron.")

Copyright (C)2009. Unauthorized Duplication Prohibited. (Link to my blog, don't be a douchy dick and post it anywhere else. No, you do NOT have permission to reprint this! No, this is NOT a public domain story.)

Cabron (Part 2)

"May we go somewhere and talk?" he asked. "Somewhere private?"

I didn't miss his particular phraseology. The playful, inquisitive arch to his eyebrow told me in no uncertain terms he knew exactly what he was saying...and offering.

Deference, for now. With the tantalizing hint of something more to be offered.

"Follow me."

I turned on my heels and walked across the dungeon to one of the private alcoves set up for people who don't want to be watched. I chose one with a padded vinyl bench long and large enough to double as a twin bed. When he followed me inside, I pulled the heavy black curtain shut behind him.

A dim, blue light in a corner lamp provided the only illumination. I sat on the bench and held up my right foot. Without prompting, he dropped to his knees and carefully removed my shoe. With firm fingers and a sensuous touch, he started rubbing my feet.

"So what should I call you?" he asked.

I liked that. He didn't assume he could call me Mistress. "For now, you can call me Mia." I pronounce it My-a. "What can I call you?"

"Anything you'd like, Mia." I loved the way my name sounded rolling from his lips.

I could barely think from the delicious things his talented fingers were doing to my poor, sore foot. I wasn't ashamed to admit he was getting me pretty damn wet, too. "How about your real name?"

"Charles."

That threw me for a loop. "I thought you were Portuguese?"

He smirked as he picked up my other foot, removed my shoe, and started working on it while leaving my right foot in his lap.

"No, I'm French. I simply asked if anyone had ever called you an evil cunt in Portuguese."

I couldn't resist his smile. "You're a SAM, aren't you?"

The eyebrow went up again. "Perhaps."

"Please tell me you're single."

"I am."

One down. "Straight?"

He shrugged. "Flexible."

My heart raced. Oh, sweet Jesus, please let that be true!

He grinned. "You like that, don't you?"

"Very observant," I managed after swallowing hard. "So why did Maria dub you 'Cabron?'"

"Because I turned down her advances when I found out she was submissive, and then I asked her if she knew you and what your name was."

Oooh, this one would be a handful. He had just enough attitude to make things interesting. "Why did you ask my name if you already knew it?"

"I didn't ask you your name. I asked what I may call you."

I knew my grin matched his. When I slid my foot a few inches to the center of his lap my toes found his hard cock pressing against the fabric of his pants.

He spread his knees open a little wider while his eyes never left mine.

"May I ask you a question, Mia?" he said.

I liked his style. Not groveling, but respectful. "Sure."

His mocha eyes were turning my insides into melted marshmallows. "Are you looking for a sub?"

"Maybe. But I don't take a sub unless they want to be in a relationship with me. And only with me."

His grin widened. "That would suit me just fine."

###

Not quite the plan.

2010-01-02T09:22:00.003-05:00

We went to a party Thursday night, and while we had great plans (including me reprising nakeysub's Christmas decorations with a New Year's theme), Mother Nature had other thoughts. Normally I am a woman who sails through her period with a few hours of discomfort for me (although days of discomfort for nakeysub and anyone else unfortunate enough to approach me without offering me chocolate first). As I near forty, I suppose I am closing in on menopause (thank the Goddess!) because this month knocked me on my ass. Despite plenty of OTC meds that normally take care of cramps, as the evening wore on I got to the point where I could barely walk. Which I will admit worried me more than I admitted to nakeysub at the time, because even when I was a teenager I NEVER had cramps so bad they incapacitated me. (Although I wasn't above faking it more than once to get out of school for the day.)

So we left around one-ish or so, came home, and I crawled into bed and there I stayed for almost a full day. I'm feeling better today. I felt well enough last night I tormented nakeysub. He was laying there with his hands over his head, just watching TV, but I couldn't resist. I was reading on my computer, but I reached over with one hand and started torturing is nipples. His eyes dropped closed and I immediately saw the signs of him dropping into subspace from the way I was teasing him. Mr. Happy sure liked the treatment.

He started begging for me to let him play with himself. I told him no. *evil grin* I asked him, "Are we in the 'I've got to come/this is so fucking hot that she won't let me come' mindset?" He said yes.

I know my nakeysub very well.

I sat there a good twenty minutes or so with him laying like that, playing with his nipples while his hips jerked and danced. Fun fun fun! :)

Finally, when I was ready to stop reading, I stopped torturing him and forbid him to touch himself. I loved the little whiny noise I got out of him at that one. *LOL* I got ready for bed and started torturing him a little. I'd occasionally reach down and stroke Mr. Happy, but I forbid him to come (which, of course, pushed him closer to the edge). Eventually I let him take matters in hand while I continued to torture his nipples.

I still have more plans for the remainder of this weekend. Not the plans I'd had before Mother Nature showed her bitch self, but still should be fun.

HNT: Happy New Year!

2009-12-31T15:26:00.003-05:00

I think I've posted this pic before, but I love it. nakeysub's ass after being freshly cropped. You can see the imprint of the crop marks in his right cheek.

*le sigh!*

How to Dominate a Turkey

2009-12-30T05:00:00.001-05:00

Aaaannnddd another. How to Dominate a Turkey. *gobble gobble!*

Sentimentalism.

2009-12-29T06:00:00.004-05:00

nakeysub and I went out to dinner last night. We have a few favorite places we like to go, one close to our house that I especially like because they know us there. They immediately know we like a booth, not a table; they always ask how my writing's going; they're like extended family that we don't see very often but we don't mind seeing because they don't show up drunk at Christmas parties asking us to pull their finger.

I've talked about nakeysub being talented with his tongue, not-so-talented with home improvement skills, but the truth is, I love him and love spending time with him even though I'm sure sometimes he doesn't think so. (The spending time with part. Gods, I hope he realizes I love him! *LOL*)

One of the things I've always loved doing, even from the first time we met, is looking into his eyes. He has the neatest color eyes, mostly blue, a little grey, a little green. I also love watching his hands and fingers as he talks. The ex-assholio was a wristless fuck. By that I mean the man had, excuse the cliche, hams for hands. I never found his hands sexy at all. (Especially if he was trying to put them on me.)

nakeysub doesn't have effeminate hands, but they're not slabs of meat, either. Everyone's always commented on my hands. I've got long, alien arms (really, seriously, I'm always having trouble finding jackets and stuff that fit across my shoulders that reach down to my wrists, I usually have to go up a size or two), and thin wrists, long fingers. I'm always asked if I play the piano. (No, I don't, took lessons and wish I had paid more attention when I was a kid.) They do come in handy for speed typing, however, a handy skill considering I'm a writer.

I digress.

I love watching nakeysub's hands. There's strength in those hands, yet a delicate, fine skill in his fingers. And he wears on his right hand his college class ring. (I don't think we could get it off if we tried, because we tried a few years ago when he had a colonoscopy and it wouldn't come off.)

On his left hand he wears his plain, $20 Wal-Mart wedding band. The one I put on his hand over twelve years ago. At the time, it was all we could afford. I wear my $20 engagement ring and $20 wedding band. I wouldn't trade them for anything. I also wear on that hand my grandmother's wedding band. But first is my engagement ring and my wedding band. (My grandmother's band holds the other two on, because in addition to my freakishly long arms and skinny fingers, I have large knuckles and when it gets cold, my rings get reeeeally loose.)

I digress. Again. Sorry. (My blog, goddammit.)

I love sitting there, watching him talk, his hands clasped together in front of him, elbows on the table. He gestures occasionally, the restaurant's dim light reflecting off his plain gold band as his hands move, then return to their previous position.

And I'm the one that put that band on his finger.

He belongs to me.

I didn't realize then, obviously, how literal that would become. How did I get so lucky that this man wanted me. ME?

I'm in a sentimental mood, I suppose, this time of year. It's hard for me, the second holiday season without my grandmother. My family never was one for strict holiday rituals, but there was something comforting about going to her house for Christmas, hearing the same worries of whether or not we'd have enough food (we always had enough to feed a small army, literally); whether the foot was edible (delicious as always); and then to settle in after the dishes were cleared away for round two: red velvet cake.

My grandfather gave me her stand mixer. I haven't had the heart to try her red velvet cake recipe yet, although I did make her sweet potato souffle recipe this Christmas and it came out okay.

Not the same, but okay.

My grandfather is coping as we close in on the two-year mark since she died. And bless his heart, he's ninety years old and ready to die. (We're not ready for him to go, but he says he's ready.)

I know I haven't really finished dealing with my grandmother's death yet. I was very close to her. I've dealt with it in dribs and drabs, but darn that control-freak issue of mine, I try to deal with it too much and I shut down and can't. And I know I'm going to have to sooner or later, especially when my grandfather dies.

And nakeysub is twenty-one years older than me.

This time of year hammers that home for me in a scary way. Because I see my grandfather, waiting to die following the death of his wife of sixty-five years, and I see myself one day. I know statistically, hopefully many decades in the future yet (I've demanded a minimum of forty years from nakeysub and keep telling him I haven't started counting yet, but I have a feeling that won't stop the march of time), one day that will be me. Wanting to not wake up. Seeing an empty swath of bed and praying not to wake up the next morning so I don't have to look at it anymore.

For now, I can sit and watch his hands, watch the light glint off that simple gold band, and thank the Universe that, for now at least, he's mine.

Kinky Fucky Time

2009-12-29T05:00:00.001-05:00

Okay, I am officially a Count Boogie fan! *LOL*

Underestimation.

2009-12-28T07:24:00.002-05:00

nakeysub received a valuable lesson last night: never underestimate Mistress.

One of his favorite fantasies is being paraded out to the car--naked--and being driven around looking at Christmas lights. Because of various things going on, it hasn't happened. Then we were going to go see a movie yesterday and I told him we'd do it on the way home, that I would make him strip and drive him home naked.

Then we cancelled going to see the movie.

Anyhoo, he was good yesterday, walking around here in his formal collar and nothing else, doing what he's supposed to do, taking care of the dogs when they needed walking, etc. because I was working. By the time eight o'clock rolled around, I knew he assumed we were not going out to look at Christmas lights.

Au contraire.

While he was back in the office, I turned off the lights on the Christmas trees, got my jacket, gathered up the Snuggie we received for Christmas (it's a blanket with sleeves! *ugh*) and my purse. Then I walked back there, cleared my throat, and waggled my finger at him. I waited for him by the front door and I could see the gears churning in his brain.

I handed him the Snuggie to hold and said, "Let's go," and headed out the front door. The Snuggie wasn't for him to use unless he had to cover up quick.

"Outside?"

"We're going to look at Christmas lights." I looked to make sure I didn't see any approaching cars and walked ahead, turned off the dome light inside my car, and said, "Come on."

He hurried, naked, down the driveway and jumped into the car, his bare flesh goosebumped in the cool air and lit by the MASSIVE display of lights in our yard. I mean, if one of our neighbors had looked, no way they could have missed him.

So we drove around for about half an hour. "You didn't think we were really going, did you?" I asked.

"No, Mistress."

"And what have we learned?"

"To never underestimate You, Mistress."

And I knew damn well he had convinced himself we weren't going. I also knew we damn well were going just to keep him off-balance.

I hate being predictable.

nakeysub now knows I am anything but predictable. I don't know what surprised him more, that I did take him out after all, or that I knew exactly what he was thinking in regards to the matter. Either way, it doesn't matter, because now he knows all that matters is what I want.

Oohhh, Santa!

2009-12-28T05:00:00.001-05:00

A little late, I know, but also hysterically funny!

Why Dominants can't play cards together.

2009-12-27T08:15:00.001-05:00

I nearly wet my pants the first time I watched this, it's soooo funny!

WTF?

2009-12-27T08:00:00.000-05:00

Okay, I just realized somehow my blogroll list has gone "poof!" off my page and I don't know why. So I'm trying to rebuild it. *grumble* If I was following you before and it's not up there now, please let me know so I can re-add you. Thanks!

Oops.

2009-12-26T09:24:00.005-05:00

We spent Christmas Day at my parents' house. It was just the five of us, nakeysub and myself, my mom and dad, and my grandfather. Now, my parents are "traditional" in that they were both raised in the South, and there are certain expectations about how men and women, specifically husbands and wives, act.

Needless to say, a FLR type of relationship runs counter to those expectations. So I am usually very careful when we're with my parents that I don't let "Mistress" come out in how I interact with nakeysub.

At one point in the evening, after dinner, I had told nakeysub to do something. Now I don't even remember what, it was either get something from our car or put something in it. A few minutes later, he hadn't done it, and I snapped at him, "I told you to go do that!"

My mom, (aka "eagle ears") picked that up immediately. "You told him to do it?" She laughed, then looked at nakeysub, who had already caught my tone of voice and was nearly out the front door at that point. "You put up with that from her?" she called out, but he couldn't hear her at that point.

I'm thinking, oh, shit.

She looks at me and says, "He puts up with that? Your dad doesn't do that." I fought the urge to say, "He's better-trained than Dad." *LOL*

I also thought, but didn't dare say, maybe my father would benefit from a firm hand. *LOL*

Fortunately my dad, who's almost as deaf as a doornail, was looking for something in the kitchen and said something and distracted my mom, making me breathe a HUGE sigh of relief.

Later, nakeysub and I dissected the incident in the car and he laughed when I told him about my mom's reaction. He hadn't heard her, but he said, "I heard the tone in your voice and knew I was in trouble." *LOL*

Keep something else in mind: nakeysub is just two years younger than my mother. (Although he looks much younger than my parents.) It took me a couple of years after my divorce from ex-assholio for them to accept and come to love nakeysub, not because he's not a great guy, but because ex-assholio had them wrapped around his fingers and convinced I was evil incarnate. Until ex-assholio showed his ass to them and they saw the truth about him and did an about-face and now they love nakeysub.

With that in mind, I'm usually very careful to reign in "Mistress" around my family. At family functions I help with food and dishes, etc., all the things good Southern women do.

Oops.

I'm just hoping there's not a lecture in my future from my mother about it.

HNT: Season's Beatings!

2009-12-24T15:05:00.006-05:00

Season's Beatings! eh...Greetings!

This is nakeysub after I decorated him at last Saturday's play party. He had three sets of jingle bells wrapped around the cock strap on his balls.

Let the puns fly! (Jingle Balls...Deck the Balls...It Came Upon a Midnight Clear... Okay, that last one was a stretch, sorry. *LOL*)

When I had him hooked to an overhead bar and was working him over with crop and cane, he jingled nicely. So much so that he made the sub next to him being worked over by her Master start laughing, getting her in more trouble. *LOL*

I left the strands of tinsel long enough I could use them as reins and jingle him at will for a lovely sound. :)

And now for something a little different: Cabron (Pt. 1)

2009-12-22T21:38:00.006-05:00

So I'm thinking, I write ~~pervy shit~~ erotica and romance for a living. But I don't share any of that on this blog. (Duh.)

Rather than deny my pervy little blog peeps, I'm putting up a free serialized erotica story. I present to you "Cabron."

-------

Cabron (Part 1)

I could start out by saying it was a dark and stormy night and it would sound like complete and utter bullshit.

But it was a dark and stormy night when I first laid eyes on Cabron.

I could give a shit what his real name was, but when I asked a friend if she knew him, she muttered "cabron" under her breath. I could have sworn she forked an "evil eye" sign at him before storming away.

Thus a name was given.

He looked like a Cabron too--dark hair, mocha eyes, olive skin, full lips I could imagine buried up to his tonsils in my pussy. Broad shoulders tapering down to a tight ass, and from the way he filled out his leather pants I had an idea that bulge in the front promised a decent ride...

If I let him use it.

Outside, a temperamental tropical system had blown in off the Gulf, putting a wide swath of real estate from Tampa to Ft. Myers under a coastal flood watch, but nothing serious in the grand scheme of things. Annoying more than anything, because it meant I couldn't do anything with my hair in the five thousand percent humidity.

Cabron's hair looked perfect.

He stood with a small group of men in a corner near the self-serve bar the club set up for every private party. I noticed he had a bottle of water while the others drank beer.

That was promising. I hated drunks. I always play sober.

I'd come to the party alone that night, having cut my last sub loose for general weirdness. I'm sorry, but when you start asking me to fuck you up the ass with a ballerina Barbie, I'm going to say no.

I might be a vicious bitch, but I have standards.

I tugged on my corset to make sure the girls were well displayed but not flashing a freebie to him and walked over.

His eyes met mine and I felt that instantaneous bullshit cliche connection.

Jesus, please let him be straight, subby, and single.

And not necessarily in that order.

I smiled. "Hello. I don't believe we've met. Maria said your name is 'Cabron.'" I'm not a moron, I was raised in Tampa, for chrissake. I know what the hell it means.

Instead of being offended, one corner of his mouth curled in a luscious smile. Even with me in six-inch stilettoes--which were fucking killing me, thank you very much--he stood a good four inches taller than me. "She called me that, did she?"

I nodded. "That's okay," I joked. "I've been called an evil cunt in four different languages."

"Was Portuguese one of them?" Now that I listened over the sound of "Bad Things" blasting at us from the opposite corner, I could detect a slight accent.

"I don't think so."

He stepped closer. "Would you like it to be?"

I grinned and tapped my riding crop against his thigh. "I very much would."

###

sniff Smells like a frustrated asshole wannabe writer to me.

2009-12-18T05:00:00.006-05:00

There is this fairly well-known ~~bastion of fucktardedness and snarky cliquish reliving their high school days bitches~~ book review site that I ~~avoid like the plague~~ find myself cruising by once in a while ~~when dragged there kicking and screaming~~ when someone Tweets a link to something ~~exceptionally fucktardly~~ really fucktardly that they manage to spout.

The last time I went there was a couple of months ago, when alerted to their latest bout of fucktardliness over BDSM fiction.

Okay, let me repeat that: FICTION.

One of their ~~self-appointed drama whores~~ supposed "expert reviewers" who claims to be in the lifestyle posted a list of books that get BDSM "right" but more importantly, why they're right and everyone else who attempts BDSM fiction is, in her mind, a hack.

Okay. FICTION.

And someone claiming to want to steer authors in the "right" direction.

*sniff* Ahh, the smell of a delusional "won twue wayer" wafts to the nostrils, does it not?

What I took away from the whole mess was that this person is an academic (going by their blog profile info) who is a frustrated fiction writer. I wanted to scream, "If everyone else is doing it so badly, then write your own fucking book!" Oh wait, they probably did and it was probably rejected because it sucked big hairy donkey balls.

They claimed that NO ONE practiced BDSM the way the "ones who got it wrong" wrote about it.

Ooookay, so you're omniscient and you've visited every play party, private club, and home of everyone who practices BDSM...everywhere???

This ~~fucktard~~ fucktard also claimed that authors commonly made mistakes, and cited that it wasn't possible to get someone into subspace without hitting them a lot and causing them pain.

What.

The.

FUCK?

And you claim to call yourself an expert? I didn't attack them, because on that particular blog, it's like opening a vein and jumping into a captive shark tank if you dare question them, even if they're patently WRONG and you can prove it. Fortunately, another blogger went after them (thank the Goddess) and I cheered on from the sidelines. (I've dealt with these assholes before, and it's not worth the aggravation.)

I have dropped nakeysub into subspace before just by talking to him. I've SEEN it happen plenty of times to other subs at play parties. I wanted to scream at this moron that if the ONLY way they could get someone into subspace was to beat them there, they weren't a very damn good Dominant. And the very fact that they were so "won twue way-ey" about it was also counterproductive.

I mean, we get enough of a beating (haha) from vanilla fearmongers, we don't need people supposedly within our own ranks stabbing us in the back.

Sheesh.

/rant out

A little to the left...

2009-12-17T18:49:00.002-05:00

Well my pervy little peeps, nakeysub and I discovered a new position the other night.

Now, you've got to understand something about me. It's not that I'm not an imaginative type of gal, because I'm an erotica writer, for chrissake. I get paid to write about Twister-esque sex. But in real life, especially if stressed out, tired, yadda yadda, ~~most of the time~~ sometimes it's easiest just to stick with what's tried and true.

I'd been reeeallly wanting a little three-way doggy style action (not with the strap-on, me being "dogged" thank you very much) with me, nakeysub, and our best bud Hitachi-san (aka the Hitachi Magic Wand) for a while. The last time we tried it, I made the mistake of teasing and denying nakeysub's Mr. Happy a little TOO much and he got too excited and it just didn't happen. (Well, it happened for Mr. Happy, which was unusual because he's never had an early blast-off before.) So the other night I informed him we were trying again.

This time, it was my fault, I was a little too tired, not going to get there like that, even with Hitachi-san's assistance in the matter. So being the inventive gal I am, I pushed nakeysub back onto his ass, legs spread, and I straddled him laying back. Aannnnddd... va-voom! What was cool was that BOTH of us got to feel Hitachi-san's magic that way. Wasn't exactly "fucking," per se because all nakeysub had to do was lay there and happily moan. After I got off, I used the vibrator on him like that, got him off, and we both just sort of laid there panting.

Still not as intense as nakeysub's tongue between my legs, but nice nonetheless. Technically, I didn't get my doggy style that I wanted, but the nice bonus was we now have another favorite position to add to our collection. :)

We're going to a play party on Saturday. Yeah! I can't wait!

HNT

2009-12-17T11:37:00.001-05:00

For all you foot fetishers out there. The color is Orly's "Oh Cabana Boy." (And yes, it's my foot, not nakeysub's.)

Contentment.

2009-12-10T12:58:00.004-05:00

Nothin' says lovin' like waking up with a pussy full of cum.

Oh, are you awake now?

nakeysub has four days off in a row. He normally doesn't work weekends anyway, but he had to take two vacation days to get them used up.

So last night, I used him. *le sigh*

Did I ever mention that man has an extremely talented tongue?

I have, over the past couple of months, discovered the wonderful art of the mindfuck. I've been using it on nakeysub. I love visibly watching his brain kick down into subspace just from talking him into it. Like orgasm denial. Now, I'm not like some Mistresses that make their pets wait months--or longer--to cum. I'm not that mean. I like to watch him cum, and it denies ME of pleasure to make him wait. However, I'm not above threatening him with it, or even teasing him over the course of a couple of days.

I was talking to him about it last night. The dynamic of, "OMG, I need to CUM!" struggling with the, "OMG, she's not letting me cum, that's so fuckin' HOT!" And he fully admits it. It's fun and hot and sexy up to a point. Beyond that point is torture that can be counterproductive and actually lead to resentment, which I do not want to do.

Sometimes, his Mr. Happy is a little...fickle. Understandable considering his age and that he doesn't really need any ED medicine. It's just normal life. But Mr. Happy tends to love it when I start the mindfuck process. Like after he got me off, I'd been stroking him while he went down on me and then I told him he could fuck me. Now, sometimes this is where Mr. Happy has his faults. Sometimes, Mr. Happy is perfectly ready to play, sometimes he decides mid-game he's tired and ready for sleepytime.

Hence, the mindfuck. I started talking to Mr. Happy (who at this point is the head in charge of nakeysub's brain and body) and telling him how this weekend I thought I'd take him out looking at Christmas lights....naked.

Just from the change in breathing, I knew I had him.

I proceeded to tell him how I'd march him outside to the car--naked--and drive him around that way. And if on the way out to the car or back to the house if anyone saw him, I'd bend him over the hood of the car right there in the driveway and spank his ass.

Heeellooooo, liftoff.

I mean, I know I shouldn't take any failures to launch on his part personally, and no, I do NOT blame him, but I can't help it, I am human, and I do feel badly when he doesn't finish inside me. I know in my rational mind that life gets in the way and sometimes we're tired or stressed or whatever.

But my ego gets a seeeerious boost every freaking time he can finish inside me instead of helping him jerk off or going down on him. It's a pride issue for me even though I know that's irrational. I love falling asleep with that good little sloppy wet ache down south knowing I helped assist in another job well done.

Need to redecorate.

2009-12-09T20:36:00.002-05:00

I realized Photobucket had "inactivated" my account, and somehow in the process, the background for the template went *poof* into the cyber ether. Don't be surprised if I try on a few new templates over the next few weeks.

Well, hello there.

2009-12-09T19:23:00.005-05:00

No, I didn't drop of the face of the planet. Been several busy, busy months. Add to that real-life shit got in the way, like Teenaged Child going on vacation with ex-assholio and coming home thinking I'm the Anti-Christ's meaner, older sister, and it's been...rough.

Everyone assures me that TC is at that dreaded teenaged child age, thinks the grass is greener at ex-assholio's house, and has yet to realize it is greener...because it's covered with bullshit.

Life goes on. I love TC, and when ready to come home, arms and door will be open.

In the meanwhile...nakeysub as gone totally batshit decorating for the holidays. It's his thing. Seriously. We make Clark fucking Griswald look like a goddamned amateur.

At least with a child-free home it means 24/7 nakeysub time when nakeysub isn't at his evil day job. Been trying to get home improvement projects finished up. Still. Yes, I know.

Missed last month's play party, we both woke up that morning feeling like crap and decided in case we're sick, we didn't want to spread germs. Ah, sadomasochism in the time of H1N1, what a joyous time.

Went to a KICK ASSSSSS Halloween party. I went as a lady pirate, nakeysub went as a Chippendales dancer. Which, I personally thought was adorable. Then again, I picked out the costume for him. LOL! (No, he got no say whatsoever. Ha! It's good ta be da Domme!)

BFF is living up with her parents now, which is a good thing because her mom got really sick a few weeks ago, and it's a damn good thing BFF was there to help her. We email every day and we're in the middle of a new business, so it's not like we don't talk. LOL!

So what have you been up to my pervy little blog peeps? I promise I'm going to be better about staying in touch. I pinky swear it!

Go ahead...pull the other one!

2009-09-10T21:59:00.005-04:00

Isn't it funny? I just updated the blog postings the other day about the dom now known around the nakeysub household as "Sir Fucktard" and how he basically tossed BFF-S aside, literally the perfect slave (not just a sub, mind you) , so he could go fuck around and "be poly." (No, he wasn't being poly, he wanted to go fuck around and be a swinger and was too chickenshit to own up to it.)

Guess who sent BFF-S a message today? You guessed it, none other than Sir Fucktard himself.

Oh, seems he's really sorry, now that she's MOVING TOMORROW, and he wants another chance. He apologized for hurting her, didn't realize at the time how he was being an idiot.

*snort* Okay, go ahead, seriously, pull the OTHER. FUCKING. LEG. Because seriously asshole, I mean, really? She was FUCKING CRYING HER GODDAMNED EYES OUT for nearly TWO FUCKING WEEKS and BEGGING YOU NOT TO FUCK AROUND.

Sorry for the shouting. Tis my blog, after all.

Oh, oh, oh. Did I mention that she mentioned to him the other day in an email reply to him that another Dom was talking to her? (Yes, she's taking it slow, they've been just friends for months and now that he knows she's single again, he made it perfectly clear to her he'd like to get to know her better. And he thinks she's perfect the way she is. And he doesn't FUCK AROUND when he's in a relationship.)

Apparently the fucktardly one then proceded to go onto FetLife and look at her profile and scroll through her back postings and realized yes, this guy was serious.

OH, and that this guy ISN'T FUCKING POLY! And he knows about the situation between BFF-S and fucktardo and shares our opinion on the fucktardaroon.

(Remember, I have NOTHING against poly. I do, however, have a huge fucking chip on my shoulder regarding lying asshole FUCKTARDS who represent themselves as one thing when they are clearly another.)

Color me suspicious, but I find it odd how the fucktardly one waits until he knows she's moving and now that someone else is interested in her to finally grow a set of stones to admit he fucked up. I went through a similar pattern with ex-assholio, he'd clean up his act just long enough to hook me back in and then go back to his old ways.

And no, she's not dropping everything and running back to him. But she said she was glad she talked to him and got the closure, that whether or not he's serious, she was glad to hear him say, "I was wrong. I was an idiot."

Oh, and she made him cry. (We are both suspicious on whether or not they were sincere tears, but I tipped my ginger ale to her in salute. I mean...damn. A slave who can make a grown Dom cry. That's fucking awesome! *LOL*)

You know, if this shit keeps up, I might have to give Sir Fucktard his own blog post label. *LOL*

Catching Up

2009-09-09T11:09:00.000-04:00

I know, it's been awhile since I updated (not including the Sir Fucktard post earlier today). The week after Fet Con, nakeysub and I went to the monthly play party and had fun. Got to try out my new cane on him. This time, instead of restraining him on a bench, I borrowed a set of suspension cuffs and hooked him up to a suspended trapeze bar.

I really liked that, and so did he. I didn't have him stretched out so tightly it would hurt his shoulders, and he took a lot more than he normally can. I liked being able to have easy access to his front and back. Gonna have to get me a pair of those suspension cuffs.

BFF-S is moving out at the end of th week and we are going to miss her! Her mom and dad are moving, so she's going to move in with them. But it's not like she's moving to the other side of the country or anything, and we'll still get together on a regular basis. nakeysub practiced for her departure yesterday by calling me on his way home from work and asking what was for dinner.

I said she was cooking.

He laughed and said, "Well, I wanted to practice that." (Before, nine times out of ten my answer would be, "I don't know, what are you bringing home?" *LOL*)

Yeah, I know, I'll never be mistaken for June Cleaver, that's for sure. I like to cook, I enjoy it, but if I'm working or busy, it's a pain in the ass. And really, I did normally cook once or twice a week, but I would try to cook copious amounts we could eat off of for a couple of days. *LOL*

I'm going to try to do better.

Meanwhile, I haven't been feeling very Mistressly lately. We're having issues with ex-assholio and TC that put me not only totally out of a Mistres state of mind, but honestly? It makes me just want to curl up in a corner somewhere. TC is a teenager and being a teenager. The good thing is nakeysub's switchy side is out in full force now as a result, so I can lean on him and his strength to get through this. Again, this is a win-win for both of us because he's learned to reframe this kind of situation in the light of it's him serving me and doing what he needs to do to take care of me, even if it means he needs to take a dominant role to do so.

To Sir Fucktard, With Extreme Hatred

2009-09-09T09:26:00.002-04:00

Okay, so when last we left, Sir Fucktard (here's a hint -- since he's garnered a nickname from me, you already have an idea where this post is heading) was still trying to make up his fucking dickhead mind about the whole poly issue.

He chose wrong. Very wrong. So wrong, in fact, that he fucked himself.

So wrong that he forced my friend to finally say, "You know what? I can't do this. Sorry. Have a nice life."

Well, it wasn't that nicely, but that's the tear-free and succinct version.

Her spine transplant appears to not only have taken quite well, it's stiff, straight, and strong and serving her nicely.

Then, oh my Goddess, after going off last weekend and having a fuck with some of his fuck buddies, he had the BALLS to email her last night and tell her he didn't have a good time, that he misses her, that he "didn't know" he would cost her pain, yadda yadda.

Well, answered that question -- he's a fucking narcissist. She read the email to me and then looked at me and said, "I dodged a MAJOR bullet with him."

Amen.

I mean, fuck, two weeks of her crying and BEGGING him to at the very least give her a few months without FUCKING another person wasn't a hint he might cost her pain?

I think the bottom line is that he had a taste of filet mignon with her, then went back to a cheap McDonald's burger last weekend, and realized how utterly he'd fucked up. Not because he realized he'd fucked up and hurt her, but because he realized he'd denied himself something really good and special.

Too late, asshole.

And henceforth in this house, he is forever to be referred to as, "Sir Fucktard."

How ya diggin that view from inside your RECTUM?

2009-08-18T21:07:00.007-04:00

I have met an incredibly diverse, funny, giving, welcoming, intelligent (and on and on) group of people since entering the lifestyle.

I have also, it seems, met a totally new species of dominant males who like to walk around with their heads up their asses. Fortunately, the numbers of critters of this species seem to be relatively few, but they apparently have tacked a target to my best friend's ass and have locked and loaded.

(Yes, this is a rant. Deal with it.)

I'm not talking the wannabe posers or the numbfucks on FetLife who have never in real life been a Dom or Master who will hit on anything with a profile picture that springs their wood. I'm talking men who at first blush seem to be intelligent, charismatic dudes.

Then they open their mouths and utter one word that drops my opinion of them from stellar to sub-cellar:

Poly.

Now, before you toss me on the barby and coat me with your rub of choice, let me state up front that I am NOT against poly. So don't go flaming me about it. Yes, I can see where in limited cases poly can and does work long term.

However, for every "success" story I've heard, I've heard countless horror stories.

Now, my friend, she's NOT bisexual. She recently escaped from a traumatic and highly emotionally and mentally abusive marriage.

She's also has fairly severe PTSD. She has realized that the person she is NOW, poly is not an option for her. She cannot handle having a life partner who goes and screws someone else. She spent nearly two and a half decades near the bottom of the list of her ex-husband's priorities, and forcing herself to accept a poly relationship will pretty much emotionally destroy her when the most important thing she needs right now is a stable, dependable relationship.

This rant is based upon the latest event. (This is like the third guy who's brought this topic to the table.) She met a guy, great guy, fantastic guy, my husband and I met and really liked him. A friend of ours gave him high marks. They hit it off in nearly every way imaginable.

Except...

Wait for it...

Apparently, he decided to delve into the world of poly recently and he has a relationship with a couple of married couples. (Again, MARRIED couples.)

Now, he's admitted to my friend that he has NEVER felt about anyone the way he feels about her. That he loves her. That she would ALWAYS be his priority. That she would be his primary relationship. That...

Yadda, yadda, yadda.

BUT...

Even though he claims he understands that him sleeping with other people will hurt her, he's not willing to stop doing it.

Even though he doesn't "love" these other people.

(I've begged her to let me rent a woodchipper and she won't let me. Grr.)

Let me put on the "voice of experience" hat for a moment. I escaped from a mentally and emotionally abusive marriage. I had severe PTSD (unfortunately, I didn't know it at the time). Fortunately for me, I had nakeysub's strength and support. But as he himself said, he couldn't heal me. All he could do was be there for me.

My friend's guy claims it's just "her perception" that she wouldn't be first and foremost in his life if he continues poly. Sucks to be him, because that's an almost verbatim line I heard her ex (aka the Totally Shithouse Rat-Crazy Asshole) use on her, and it's one of the favorites he used to use on her. That it was just her "perception" that she was afraid of him, that it was just her "perception" that he was an asshole, not the reality.

He told her he'd never met someone as naturally submissive as her. Pretty much the only thing she's not willing to negotiate on is that she's not willing to sexually share him with others because it will do her irreparable emotional harm.

And...he's still not getting it. He tossed back at her that she's not accepting him, shuffling the burden onto her.

Here's my opionion--I think it scares the crap out of this guy that there is a part of her life (PTSD) that he will have ZERO control over. I told her ask him if she had cancer and the doctors told her to take a certain course of treatment to heal from it if he'd so flippantly tell her it's just "her perception" that she has to do that.

Even nakeysub said in the beginning of our marriage he fully understood he couldn't do anything but be supportive. He said he weighed everything because at first he had no idea how I would react and didn't want to do anything to trigger me.

When I posed it to him if he would have done what this guy is doing, he said fuck no.

Help me understand it, dear readers. Why would a guy who claims he's falling in love with a woman, who claims he's only recently experimenting with poly, who claims this woman would be the priority in his life, who claims he is nothing like her ex husband -- why would he be SUCH A DUMB FUCKING SHIT to act like this?

Is he just a dumb shit? Is he full of shit? Is he a shithead in a nice guy's clothes?

I mean, why would a guy (and my friend is a slave, not just a sub) who has a chance for what he's indicated is a relationship unlike anything he's ever had before be willing to chuck a woman (who he claims he's sexually compatible with) over getting to FUCK AROUND???

Narcissist? I'm leaning that direction unless he changes his mind about this. The way he keeps invalidating her feelings ("it's just your perception you're not first in my life...") pisses me off.

She sent him a lot of links about PTSD and I volunteered to talk to him (without the expletives and promising not to smack him upside the head and asking what the FUCK is wrong with him) about PTSD. I have counseled literally hundreds of women who escaped abusive reltionships, most of who experienced some form of PTSD later. I experienced it. I know the subject pretty well.

It still just boggles my mind. Why would anyone give up what is, for all intents and purposes, a sure-fire relationship for an unrealistic ideal? And my friend actually got to meet one of the couples over the weekend, and she told me she was sure if he explained her situation to them that they would be totally supportive of her position on this.

Again...full of shit, shithead, or dumbshit?

If you were into poly and you had a chance for happiness with one person, seriously, a person RIGHT THERE, who eclipses your other relationships, who's made you feel like you've never felt before, especially if you hadn't been into poly for very long and didn't have serious relationships with the others, would you be willing to give up poly for them?

And my friend isn't saying that in a few years from now, she might not change her mind and be able to accept it. But for NOW, the person she is right now, she needs a person who walks the walk in terms of putting her first in his life. Literally, for the entire term of her marriage, her ex put her down around number five or so at the highest point. Everything took priority in his life over her.

I don't think it's too much to ask, personally. It's not like she's asking him to give up friends or a job or anything like that. And she's made concessions on a lot of other points, but this one she is standing her ground on, and rightfully so.

Now, before you say, "Well, didn't she know he was poly before?" It was portrayed to her in such a way that it was just something he started exploring and that it was not a deal-breaker for him. Had he told her up front sorry, accept poly or let's not even keep talking, that would have been a different matter and she would have backed away. (Does that make this bait and switch and put him in the full of shit or shithead categories?) But he didn't. Now she's at a point where she loves him, he claims he loves her, but now he won't budge on the issue, where before he led her to believe it was a non-issue. (At least that's my take on it as it was told to me.)

So I'd really like some opinions.

And any ideas on the best woodchipper to get my hands on.

Survived Fetcon 2009

2009-08-16T19:02:00.002-04:00

Well, we went, we saw, we spent waaaay too much money. Fetcon 2009 in Tampa was a blast! We didn't see as much of it as we originally planned, because it's nearly a two-hour drive for us, but we went on Saturday, then went back to play in the dungeon.

Mmmm.... dungeon... What a SUH-WEEET set-up they had! Lots of equipment, and I got to try out new toys on nakeysub. *G*

nakeysub came away with a new locking collar, and I picked up a new nice flogger, a small "dragon's tongue" (at least that's what I'm calling it), and a fur flogger. *LOL* (He really likes that one, go figure. *LOL*)

I also picked up a new cane.

He's not digging that one quite so much. Especially since it's got a gorgeous handle, complete with a bell. So I can jingle it in his ear before I smack him with it. *LOL* He said that's pretty sadistic, to warn him it's coming like that.

And...your point is...what, exactly? *LOL*

No, I didn't even leave stripes with it, dammit. I'm too nice. But as he watched friends of ours playing, I looked at him and said, "Don't ever tell me I hit like a girl when that woman is taking a hell of a lot more pain than I ever dish out to you."

He said, "No worries there." *LOL*

Frrrrrreeeeedommmm!

2009-07-26T08:37:00.000-04:00

Well, almost. BFF-S' saga is almost over. The Totally Shithouse Rat-Crazy Asshole has finally agreed to a divorce settlement, saving BFF-S a TON of money she doesn't have in legal fees. He's been dicking her around for months now, and the irony is, he decided to come back to the negotiating table after he visited with his attorney. He'd been refusing to agree to a more than generous (to him) settlement, and what he ended up agreeing to finally was actually more than the last offer he'd flat-out refused! *LOL*

We suspect he went to his attorney and the attorney looked at BFF-S' last offer and then bitch-slapped the fucker for the moronic idiot he is and told him to get his ass back to the table and accept it before she started going back up. *LOL*

Even better, BFF-S is now attracting attention from eligible men, boosting her self-esteem...and anger. I warned her early on that the more men who showed an interest in her, the more pissed off she'd be at the TSR-CA because she'd finally understand what a douche he'd been to her all these years.

She's pissed.

She's also ready to move on with her life. She's going to live with us indefinitely for now, until she's ready to move on. She's starting a new business, plus her mom has to have surgery, and she's been a huge help for me here, so nakeysub and I are totally fine with her living here as long as she needs. I've told her even in the future if she moves out, that she always has a home here no matter what. I remember when I was stuck with my ex-assholio, and I felt trapped with nowhere to go. I don't ever want her to feel that.

Her birthday's this week, but she's up at her mom's house for two weeks helping her out. We celebrated early, got her a cake. Next month...Fetcon! *LOL* She's already heard from a few friends that she's going to get a birthday spanking. *LOL*!

Gettin' all girlie.

2009-07-21T18:25:00.003-04:00

I went with BFF-S to the nail salon today and for the first time in about 10 years, I now have acrylic nails again.

This is a major adjustment. LOL They are pretty but I can ruin nail polish in a heartbeat and now relearning how to type (and I'm a speed typist) is sort of rough. But I like them. They're not real long, a little longer than sport length.

nakeysub will love them, because he missed them more than I did when I had them removed the last time. LOL He loves the way they feel dragged along his balls. *evil grin*

Guilty Pleasures

2009-07-18T11:58:00.002-04:00

Get yer minds outta da gutter. (Um, wait, sorry, this is a dirty blog, isn't it?)

I've got a new guilty pleasure. Publix horseradishjack cheese. Mmmmm nummy! I hate "hot" and spicy things, but I love (love love luuuurrrvvvvv!) horseradish, garlic, wasabi, and things like that. (Just keep the jalepenos, habaneros, scotch bonnets, and all those things away from me.)

I mean, piggy me, I finished off the entire block by myself over the space of a couple of days.

Second guilty pleasure is that there is one of THE worst movies currently playing on Sci Fi (I HATE their stupid "new" name of SyFy!) called "Rock Monster." This has got to be one of THE worst movies. Ever.

Ever.

Did I mention EVER??

I mean, it's actually reached a point in my mind where it's Rocky Horror "bad" (which, of course isn't a fair comparison because RHPS is a cultural icon and one of my most favorite movies ever) because at the start of the movie I could say, "Okay, black guy gets offed...obnoxious jerk gets offed..." It's so formulaic that it's beyond predictable. It's like reading one of those old "choose your own adventure" kids books because it's THAT predictable.

This is why it's horrifically fun to have on in the background while doing something else. *LOL* It's that bad.

Seriously.

HNT

2009-07-16T01:44:00.000-04:00

More like "full nekkid" than "half-nekkid."

I'm not happy. We can't find the silicone cockrings we usually use and I had to use that blue jelly one, which wasn't big enough to go around his balls like the other ones are.

Failure to launch.

2009-07-15T11:02:00.003-04:00

I've said it before that while yes nakeysub and I are 24/7 TPE M/s, we have a real life and real everyday issues to deal with. This means me being "on" as Mistress all the time is impractical and impossible. While the longer we have this dynamic in our lives the easier it is, it's still a work in progress and will continue to be so.

This means that no, I can't always be "Mistress." Sometimes I need nakeysub to be not-so-nakeyhub.

Or, maybe nakeyhub.

Such was the case the other day.

Teenaged Child is now gone for a couple of weeks. I just turned in another manuscript to one of my publishers, an emotional story that once I finished was like trying to recover from a marathon. And I just needed...something.

BFF-S has had a guest from out of town staying with her for a couple of days, very nice person, but considering we don't normally have "guests" it added to the overall stress dynamic. (And I don't mean that in a "bad" way, because it wasn't unpleasant having company, just not "normal" for us. *LOL*)

So all of these issues culminated with me needing...something more.

Recharging.

(No obligatory vibrator jokes, thank you very much.)

Let me back up. I need to add that I can easily be knocked out of "sex space" by a noise or distraction. I think part of it is due to hyper-vigilant mother instinct from when TC was younger and health issues made me literally sit straight up in bed when TC made the slightest noise at night in their room. It's also VERY difficult for me to shut my brain down. Now, this is a good thing when it comes to being a writer, but a bad thing when you're trying to keep yourself in the mood to boink your significant other. Not to mention when nakeysub gets me going, I tend to be VERY loud, so me making a conscious effort to keep my voice down hampers my brain space. Thus between my back pain issues this past week and having a guest in residence, nakeysub and I had our very first "failure to launch" moment the other night.

Yes, as hard as it is for you to believe, in the nearly twelve years we've been married, nakeysub has NEVER failed to finish me off. And in this case, it was not nakeysub's fault. Trust me on that. He was doing everything right, but my brain went from fired-up to fizzled-out and left me hanging, then my back decided to sound off and it was like oh, fuck it.

Stupid brain anyway.

So the other night, BFF-S and her friend went out for the evening and nakeysub called me that he was on his way home.

"Hurry," I said.

I could hear the grin in his voice.

Got the dogs fed and walked, got my shower, was just getting out of the shower when nakeysub called me again and told me he was about a mile from home. "Why don't you use your friend to get you started?" he playfully suggested. (Said "friend" meaning the Hitachi Magic Wand.)

Um, didn't NEED to. From the moment he called and said he was on his way home, I was ready for action.

I surprised him when he walked in the door. I'd put on his leather wrist cuffs (but didn't lock them), and managed to hook them to the bedposts. (I left them loose enough I could wiggle out of them if needed, because shades of "Gerald's Game" by Stephen King were running through my brain.)

The look of delighted surprise in his eyes when he walked through our bedroom door...I'll never forget that. He immediately knew without me having to say anything that I was expecting him to take charge for the duration.

I did have the Hitachi on the bed, just in case he wanted to use that on me. Without even taking off his clothes, he knelt on the bed and went down on me and it didn't take him long to have me yodeling my fool head off. When I finally returned to earth from Happy Climaxland, he grinned and said he hadn't heard me yell like that in a long time. Then he started undressing and proceeded to torment me some more, including getting out a riding crop.

Uh oh.

Well, fortunately for me, he was more into teasing me gently with it rather than smacking me with it, although he did give me a couple of hard swats on the ass. (It was only later I realized he swatted me with the narrow crop, and I explained to him um, wrong one. I only tease him with that one, the one I swat him with is the wider one, which makes more noise, but it doesn't hurt as much. He felt bad about that, but kept it in mind for future reference. I also reminded him that since I live with chronic pain, he needs to remember that swatting me for fun and profit instead of just teasing me with it can take me OUT of any kind of romantic head space. He also felt badly about that.)

Now, here's where it gets interesting.

I've talked about before how I'm pretty envious of these subs who I've seen being forced to have multiple orgasms in a short amount of time. I can have more than one in an evening, but it takes a lot of work for each one, and it takes a while. I can't have several in the space of a few minutes. But the ones I have are earth-shattering if it's nakeysub giving them to me.

nakeysub started using the Hitachi on me and in a really firm tone of voice ordered me to cum.

That slammed me straight into probably the closest thing I'll ever come to true "subspace," but even with the Hitachi I hovered right on the edge and just couldn't get over. It got to the point where I was crying because I was so desperate to come again and just...couldn't. Not for lack of trying or desire, believe me. He finally stopped and unhooked my wrists because I was crying and I remember I kept sobbing, "What's WRONG with me?" He spent a long time soothing me, holding me, reassuring me there's nothing wrong with me.

It doesn't change the way I feel. What the fuck IS wrong with me? I'm not talking trying to live up to some unrealistic porn video cum queen ideal where you look at her right and she squirts. I'm talking I've got a loving, sexy, willing husband, an empty house, no distractions, definitely was in the right head space, and STILL I just couldn't quite reach that brass ring. Yes, I'd hit orbit earlier, but dammit! I was RIGHT...THERE. And couldn't quite tip over the edge.

Yes, it fucking bothers me. Dom V told me that it's a mental control thing, being able to release control, relinquish it totally. And I don't know how I'm missing the mark in that way because dammit I was doing everything I could to get over including resorting to fantasies to try to add to it, and it's like all the puzzle pieces were there, they just weren't fitting together right. Here's the irony: I'm in control. So why the FUCK can I not control THIS??? Why can't I just order my brain, "Okay, CUM you stubborn bitch," and my body obeys?

Yes, I'm making a big deal about this. It IS a big deal to me. I have some body image issues, not huge ones, but this doesn't help. BFF-S suggested I look into self-hypnosis and meditation to help. I need to, I guess, because now that it's an issue for me, it's only getting worse.

*sigh*

Back in the saddle...

2009-07-09T11:38:00.003-04:00

I know, I've been quiet, sorry. Been busy, got slammed with manuscript deadlines, a new book in the pipe, and life in general.

Housekeeping from earlier posts:

The "interesting event" that I referenced in the earlier post (and I did research) is that while we were making love, nakeysub was "in" me, but he wasn't really hard. Yet, he still managed to have a pretty strong orgasm, complete with ejaculation. I thought part of it might be because I had his cock held between two of my fingers while he was in there. (Sometimes, his Mr. Happy gets a little cantankerous. He's on blood pressure meds.)

Hmm.

Never seen THAT happen before. Oh yes, he ejaculated (do I really need to break out the sock puppets here, folks?) when he came.

And I researched and found out yes, this can in fact happen. My other hand was pressing on his taint and playing with him, so apparently the extra pressure on his prostate combined with him being in subspace at the time combined for the right recipe to achieve the desired effect even when not...um...erect.

Go, nakeysub! (woot!)

"Getting it up" is no longer an excuse, in other words. *LOL*

More housekeeping:

The conversation I had at the June Munch with Dom V was about multiple female orgasms. Specifically, I've watched him (and others) playing with female subs and basically ordering them to come on command. That fascinates me, because while nakeysub is quite able to get multiple orgasms out of me, there has to be some work involved and honestly I've never been at a point in my life where he could just say the word, literally, and it'd happen for me. So that was interesting. Part of me, frankly, is a little envious of female subs able to do that, but maybe it's part of that whole Dominant brain make-up. I usually have to work to shut down my mind during sex. That's not a fault of nakeysub's, that's just me. Maybe it's because I'm a writer, maybe it's a bunch of things. But I've always had to work, even when hot and heavy and in the mood, to shut my thinking mind off.

Catching up a little more: BFF-S is now officially moved into her own room. We're still trying to finish straightening up the house because my back went out on me and I've been worthless at doing heavy-lifting crap for the past week or so, plus I've been busier than hell, but BFF-S and TC are both happy. (TC is no longer camped out on the couch. *LOL*)

The June playparty.

Mmmm. Where to start. The local lifestyle group we're a part of had the whole house to ourselves, we didn't have to share the upstairs with a swingers group. This meant they were able to put a couple of spanking benches upstairs, so nakeysub and I made use of one of them in a fair amount of privacy.

Wow! Nothing more enjoyable than a nekkid subbie strapped down to a bench with his ass in the air. I'd say it's safe to say he enjoyed himself, and I know I sure as hell did. I'm definitely more of a sensual play type of gal, but I love using the crops and flogger on him, and he's enjoying me amping up the pain threshhold just a smidge. AND...even better, I managed to walk DOWN STAIRS in the 5" heeled boots without killing myself or anyone else.

I was pissed off, honestly, at one point in the evening. We were sitting downstairs after we'd played, BFF-S went with us to the party but she didn't play. nakeysub was on the floor, at my feet, on his leash, nekkid of course. This woman I don't know from Adam (or Eve) walks up and flicks water on nakeysub from her drink. She thought it was funny, then apparently realizing from the look on my face I wasn't amused, she immediately apologized and then it became quite apparent she was drunk as a skunk. The only reason I didn't immediately give her a piece of my mind was that I was in the boots and couldn't get up off the friggin couch without assistance. (And lumbering to my feet doesn't look very Domme-ly.)

The woman squatted down to talk with us and when she got up to go, she started wobbling and nakeysub offered his hand to help her up.

This earned him a HARD yank on the hair as I jerked his head back and growled in his ear he was NEVER to do anything like that again. In fact, doing it was a blatant violation of our rules of conduct while at a party.

He apologized, and I do understand it was instinctive for him to help, because he is a gentleman. But it wasn't like we knew this person and frankly, I was still pretty pissed.

Then, of course, another friend of ours comes up to talk, and HE dribbled water on nakeysub. That was, however, different, because we knew him and he was playing around, not taking liberties with a perfect stranger. I can't explain how it was different beyond the fact that this is a man we know and have been to his house before versus a complete stranger.

Other than that, it was a good party.

In other news, lately (and it's happened a couple of times now) I've managed to make nakeysub come on command. Sometimes while he's inside me, sometimes while I'm playing with him with my hand. I really like that, and I think he does too. Each time it happens, I think it further cements a more submissive feeling inside him, and it certainly makes it easier for it to happen in the future. I think it also takes an element of anxiety out of the picture for him, which I know can interfere (not just with nakeysub, but with any man) the ability to get it up and keep it up. The more he lets me worry about it, the less he worries about it, and the more easily and naturally it happens.

Pretty cool.

Teenaged Child is going to be away for a couple of weeks, so it'll be a return to full-fledged nakeysub mode, which I know will be beneficial for both of us. There are so many things we can't do (and I'm not even talking sexual) with TC around. The dynamic can return in full force. The Munch is this Sunday, looking forward to that.

On another note, I was trolling trough discussion forums on a book site and one posting by a writer in a BDSM-related thread shocked me. She wrote that she only focused on the darker aspects of BDSM because she couldn't "understand why anyone would willingly be in the lifestyle."

What. The. FUCK???

I wanted to respond, "Then why the FUCK are you writing about shit you not only don't understand, but that you obviously don't PRACTICE?" I mean, these kinds of books where BDSM is portrayed as this dark and evil force are exactly the ones that perpetuate the negative stereotypes. I'm not talking the "fluffy bunny BDSM" books by vanilla writers who use spanking and an Alpha male and call it BDSM. Those aren't helpful, but they're not harmful.

I wish I could slap (in the bad way) these writers who use BDSM as a tool to get their hang-ups off their chests. They aren't doing those of us who ARE in the lifestyle and portray BDSM accurately any favors whatsoever.

Grrr. (Okay, rant over, sorry.)

Okay, NOT over. It bugs me I can't "out" myself and publicly rant about her comment either.

Okay, NOW rant over. *LOL*

Be careful what you wish for.

2009-06-16T08:37:00.005-04:00

Between my mother's broken ankle (and spending so much time driving to help out), Teenaged Child being home much of last week (before I had to drive TC up to a camp out), and general stress and anxiety, I haven't bee much of a Domme lately.

So I get home Friday evening around ten o'clock after being at my parents' house most of the afternoon (aka Hell's Happy Acres), then dropping off TC at the camp out. BFF-S went with us to get out of the house. I'd instructed nakeysub to be appropriately attired in his formal play collar (the leather one) when I got home.

BFF-S and I were sitting on the couch with our laptops, I was trying to actually get some work done, decompress, all of that. I was not in the mood to do anything but vegetate.

nakeysub trots his nakey ass into the living room, leather cock strap around his package, hopeful look on his face and riding crop in hand, and he plops himself down next to me.

"What the hell is that for," I think were my words.

"I thought you might want to play."

Now, see, I have given him permission to run around nakey because BFF-S has assured us she's fine with that.

But it was 1) the topping from the bottom behavior, 2) the blatant disregard for MY feelings or state of mind, and 3) the fact that I was in anything BUT a romantic/playful mood that really combined to piss. Me. Off.

"You don't just trot out here like that and ask to play."

He started to try to talk me into it, so I snatched the crop out of his hand and ordered him to stand and bend over.

I think this is where in his mind he realized that maybe he hadn't quite thought this plan all the way through.

He tried to argue a little, I ordered him over.

He did.

Five HARD swats across his ass. Not playful, not sensual. He actually said, "Ow!" a couple of times.

I smiled and handed the crop back. "There you go. Happy?"

No, not really. *LOL* He admitted to BFF-S later, "Man, that HURT!"

BFF-S (who, remember, is a sub - not MY sub, just a sub) said, "Well, DUH, what the heck did you think she was going to do?"

I told him his first mistake was forgetting one HUGE ASS trigger I have left over from ex-assholio's reign of terror in my life, and that was he approached me demanding sex(play) on HIS terms, never with consideration for my feelings, thoughts, mood, etc. nakeysub is WELL aware of this (and has spent a considerable number of years in our marriage trying to help me past that) and in his eagerness to play, he forgot.

His second mistake was the blatant topping from the bottom. He insisted it was supposed to be a "suggestion." I said suggestion equals topping from the bottom, and I am getting sterner and clamping down on that behavior. He was not asked what his preference or desire was. Therefore, his imput in this way was not needed.

This third mistake was forgetting that after spending an afternoon DRIVING round trip to Tampa and back, helping my mom take a bath, dealing with TC, the LAST thing on my mind a few minutes after getting home is any kind of play. If he'd wanted me to "play" then he should have started by dropping to his knees in front of me, asking me what I wanted him to do, and then he could have volunteered to do something service-related, like rub my feet.

One thing nakeysub does tend to forget is that submissive means submissive, not selectively submissive.

On Saturday, I had expected him to set aside some time for me. I had mentioned earlier in the week that I wanted him to spend some time on Saturday night in personal care for me -- painting my toenails, massage, etc. We did pancake coma that morning, had plans to go grocery shopping that afternoon with BFF-S, and I needed to get some work done. We all went out to dinner, went shopping, then came home. By the time we went to bed Saturday night, he had not once approached me to ask what I needed. He sat on the couch and read.

His excuse was that he didn't want to bother me while I was working. While I commend him for not interrupting me, he totally blew off my earlier instructions. I told him in the future, he needs to COMMUNICATE and ASK me for direction when he feels conflicted rather than disobey instructions. I was, needless to say, pissed. I rolled over and told him to go to sleep. Unfortunately, the fact that I had three glasses of iced tea at dinner (and okay, yes, I was horny) didn't help me go to sleep. And I knew from how nakeysub was curled around me that he wasn't asleep either. And he knew I wasn't asleep.

It didn't take long for him to realize I was going to let him make love to me, and make love to me he did. He actually got a little insistent with some of his actions (something he KNOWS will totally blast through whatever resistance I might have) and yes, nearly an hour later I was finally able to fall asleep. And maybe later this week I can post more about something interesting that happened during that time, something I can honestly say has never happened before in our marriage, and even nakeysub is at a loss to explain. First, I must research.

Sunday, driving up to pick up Teenaged Child (who climbed into my car smelling like rancid child and cut bait from their fishing/camping trip...ewww...), back to my parents' to help my mom take a bath. Then home.

Exhausted.

Oh yes, the Munch was Sunday night. Still without my nails freshly painted, I left nakeysub home with TC (nakeysub had a late meeting the next night, so I told him to just stay home and play Wii with TC) and BFF-S and I went to the Munch. I did have a really interesting conversation with Dom V at the Munch, I'll have to write more about that later. I'm still processing some of it.

When I got home, before bed, nakeysub did paint my nails (finally).

The monthly play party is this weekend, and I know that's ramping up nakeysub's anticipation. That's fine and well, but TC is going to ex-assholio's tonight. I will expect him to be in full-on nakeysub mode when I got home. Not HIS nakeysub mode...

MY nakeysub mode.

Sugasm #167

2009-06-12T08:26:00.000-04:00

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #168? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
Every Time You Orgasm, An Angel Gets Its Wings
“There is nothing that screams “fuck you” to the pain and the hurt in the world than screaming “fuck me” to the person in your bed.”

HNT: Spanked
“I wasn’t sure how I felt about him. But tonight, I was sure.”

A Thousand Kisses
“This wasn’t enough. I knew that I had to try something else.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Congratulations, you’re invited!

Sugasm Editor
Sex Work And Honesty: Religion

Editor’s Choice
Food, fun and commitment

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Chloe
HNT
Love HNT Part II
So Many Stripes
Valentina Vaughn
Video Q&A #1

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Dementor
Fat Ass Betty
Full Circle
Going where no one has gone before

Sex Humor
Adventures in Craigslist (and a belated HNT)

Erotic Writing & Experiences
Ass-tute
Conversations about Crossdressing (Early Morning Version)
A Feast of Cock
Gender Fuck
Her Favorite Positions - The Conclusion
I Can’t Get No…Contraception
Lessons from an Orgy
Lilly’s Turn - Part 2: Wherein One Good Turn Deserves Another
Mirrors
Must be the weather…
New Perspective
Party.
Picture of Propriety
Playing with Dolls
Please don’t book me ever again
The Poet Surrenders
Rebirth In An Orgy
The Synestheatre
Wet dream at the airport-part1
A Wicked Birthday Bang

BDSM & Fetish
Bending over for some harsh cane stripes
Digging a hole, is that the way you treat me
Lick me
Preparing for Punishment: part one
Puppy’s first visit
A Salute to Masturbation May
SF Treat
Subs: How to NOT Apply
That Look
Thoughts about the play party and Femdom.
Under 40 ~ The New Kinky Bar
What Kind of Submissive Are You?

Sex Advice
How to be bisexual on the internet
How to Give a Tantric Breast Massage
Sometimes You Need A Break…

News, Reviews & Interviews
It’s Good to be the Intern
Kink Interview: Thomas’s Spanking Exploits
LELO Luna Beads: Because You Deserve Them
Product Review: Intimate Organics Energizing Fresh Orange & Wild Ginger Foot Foreplay Lotion
Top 5 Tuesday - Sun, Sand and Smut!

Gotta love family...right?

2009-06-05T21:34:00.008-04:00

I need to remember to grab a pic of the "Face of Evil" (aka the killer kitten) when I'm at my parents' house tomorrow. I got my mom home from the hospital yesterday afternoon and went back up today. (And I'm going back up tomorrow.)

It's been an interesting week. (Not to mention I have horrible cramps and PMS.) Gave me a few insights into my personality. No wonder I'm a friggin' Domme.

On Tuesday morning, before I took my mom to the hospital, my dad tried to wash a load of clothes with Miracle Grow.

Yes, the fertilizer.

He's half-deaf from years of working around power equipment, and when my mom told him to use the soap in "the yellow bottle," he heard "yellow" and grabbed the first yellow thing off the shelf by the washer that he put his hands on.

The bottle of Miracle Grow granulated extended release fertilizer...with a yellow cap.

I can't make this shit up.

Yes, it will end up in a book at some point. (Hey, it's alllll fair game in my life.)

Bless his heart, my dad is working his patootie off. Although today, we had my mom in a recliner in the living room and we've got the potty chair next to it for ease of use. My dad sticks his head in the back door (their business is on the same property as their house) and says, "Oh good, you're not on the potty."

THEN, he turns around and hollers out, "It's okay! She's not on the potty! Come on in."

My mom just sort of looked like she wished she could crawl under the recliner, sat there shaking her head.

Again, I cannot make this shit up.

And again, yes, that will probably end up in a book somewhere down the line.

She said at one point (keep in mind I live 90 minutes or so south of them), "This isn't a pain in the ass for you, is it?"

I mean, what the fuck am I supposed to say? Yes Mom, it's a fucking pain in the ass and it's put me so ungodly behind you have no freaking clue, but I'm doing it anyway?" Um, hell NO. Of course I said, "No Mom, it's not a pain in the ass."

I'm going with nakeysub and BFF-S to pancake coma tomorrow, then driving up to my parents' for the day while nakeysub and BFF-S get to go get massages from Dom K.

Lucky them.

Here's a little backstory about my parents. Remember, I love them dearly, they are my parents after all. But they don't have air conditioning in their house.

We live in FLORIDA.

I swore when I moved out of their house I would freaking hermetically seal and climate control my house when I was an adult.

And so I do. People ask, "Well, what's your light bill every month?"

Ask me if I fucking care. As long as cold air comes out those goddamn vents when I set the thermostat where I want it, I could fucking care less.

Going to their house is like walking into a Turkish sauna. It's hotter inside than out. Ugh. Today wasn't so bad only because it rained early in the day and didn't have a chance to get too nasty.

Yesterday, adding "insult to injury" in the emotional department, I stopped by my grandfather's (Mom's dad) house after leaving my parents' house. We lost my grandmother a little over a year ago now (the day before my birthday and Mother's Day last year) and a week before their 65th anniversary. Now he's doing his level best to "arrange" everything and give everything away, which I know makes him feel better while simultaneously making the rest of us feel like shit. We smile and nod and thank him and then last night as I'm driving home I'm spending nearly the entire drive sobbing my eyes out as I'm trying to deal with this.

On top of dealing with my mother's injury and her looming depression. ("I'm so stupid, I can't believe I did this...I can't do anything right...)

I love my parents. Don't get me wrong, I love them. They are good parents.

But.

Remember that old radio show "The Bickersons?" (I don't remember if that's the name of the show exactly or not.)

That's my parents. They can go at each other like a couple of rabid, mutant Tasmanian Devils. Seriously. On a good day. And they're happy that way. I can sit back from my perspective of having a home to go to and watch them and see how they feed off each other and set each other off. nakeysub asks me how I managed to turn out so normal.

Normal?

I'm a fucking Domme, you call that goddamn normal?

Holy shit.

I mean, my parents are two of the most good-hearted people you will ever meet in your life, they would help anyone, do anything for anybody, except they go at each other. In-fucking-credible.

People ask me how I became a writer?

Look at my parents and how I was raised.

I like calm. I like order. My house, no, is not Martha Stewart approved (and probably never will be) but dammit, it's an ocean of calm for the most part in a sea of fricking insanity. Going to my parents' house, for me, is akin to the seventh level of hell or shopping in a mall. It's nuts.

There's part of me that wants to curl up in nakeysub's arms and just sob.

The other part of me wants to grab a crop and smack his ass to release some tension.

When I heard about David Carridine yesterday, I was at my parents' and didn't hear how he died. When I heard he "hung himself" the first thing I said was that it's either murder, or, more likely, accidental auto-erotic asphyxiation. Which, preliminary reports are supporting. Duh, a guy like that hang himself? Guys like that kill themselves with guns or drugs, not hanging. What a fucking shame.

So I nearly outed myself to my mom today trying to explain this to her. *LOL*

Okay, add to the equation that nakeysub is, literally, two years younger than my mom. However, he looks at least ten years younger than her. (nakeysub is 21 years older than me.) And my dad is a couple of years older than my mom.

I never feel the dichotomy pulling at me more than I do when tossed into the rattlenake pit that is dealing with my parents. The Domme in me wants to just take over and say, "Look, this IS how it will be," and take charge. The daughter in me wants to step back and let them keep doing what they're doing.

I got home last night and had a beer. (I'm not much of a drinker, mind you.) Tonight I got home and popped the cork on a bottle of wine that's been in my fridge for a couple of months.

They literally drive me to drink. I love them, don't get me wrong, but day-amn.

*sigh*

I've got soooo much shit to do. We're trying to get our third bedroom cleaned out for BFF-S so she has her own room (she's currently in Teenaged Child's room while TC is at ex-assholio's house). I have to fix the shower in the second bathroom. I have a TON of shit to get done. And now I'm driving to Tampa every day.

No, I'm not bitching. I'm whining. Yes, I'm whining, I admit it. As Domme, and with the wine finally giving me a damn good buzz, I claim the right to whine. I want to get MY shit done. I want MY life back. Yes, I'm being a "good daughter." Fuck that. And yet I fucking feel guilty for feeling that. It makes me feel like a selfish bitch, and I don't want to be like that.

The good thing is that my mom is itching to heal up and get back into her routine. She is set in her ways, is fairly active, and they run their own business. I'm sure she doesn't enjoy having me there any more than I really want to be there. She wants her life, her routine, such as it is, back.

Thank the Goddess I have BFF-S here for my dogs during the week. She's been a Goddess-send.

Now I'm going to go collapse and try to sleep.

Act of cat.

2009-06-03T14:42:00.005-04:00

I received a call from Teenaged Child (TC) Monday afternoon. TC is spending the week at ex-assholio's house, and was bored, so did what any bored child does -- called Grandpa.

"Mom, you'd better call Grandpa." (My dad.)

"Why?"

"He's at the hospital with Grandma. She broke her ankle."

*various swear words spewing from my mouth as I say good-bye and dial my dad's cell phone*

"Dad, what the hell is going on?"

"Oh, your momma fell this morning."

"What time did this happen?"

"Quarter til seven."

*more aggravated screaming from me* "WHAT?? Why didn't you call me?"

"Well, we called the insurance, they said don't go to the ER, go to the doctor. The doctor referred us to the x-ray place. Then back to her doctor. Then to the orthopedic doctor, oh by the way, he's one of our customers--"

"Dad, focus. Where are you now?"

"We're at the hospital. They're doing the pre-op stuff now."

"WHAT??? She's going into surgery NOW?"

"No, she's going tomorrow. She comes home after we're done today."

"I'll drive up." (I live 90 minutes away)

"No, that's okay. Don't come up."

Grrrrrrr!!! So finally after a few more minutes I got them to agree to me coming up in the morning to take her to the hospital. We knew she'd have to have a plate in her ankle, but chances were, she'd be sent home that afternoon.

Flash-forward to yesterday morning. I get her to the hospital before eleven (she has to be there by eleven) and we're put into a pre-op room. Where we wait.

And wait.

And wait.

One of my mom's cousins (a retired nurse) came with us.

My mom hasn't had any food or drink since nine o'clock the night before. They're supposed to take her in at two. Of course, she gets bumped and they don't take her in until nearly five-thirty. We go to the waiting room, and my dad and aunt come to the hospital. (My parents have their own business and Mom assured him he didn't need to be there. Mostly because he would have driven her crazy during the wait.)

We wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Finally, a nurse comes out and tells us it will take longer than the doctor thought because her ankle was broken much worse than the x-rays showed. It's a "pilon" fracture and she needed plates on both sides. Needless to say, she didn't go home last night. They didn't get her into a room until after nine o'clock last night. I got home almost at one in the morning.

This morning, she was still throwing up from the anesthesia. She's agreed that staying in there another day is probably a damn spiffy idea no matter how badly she wants to go home. She's in a lot of fucking pain. Hell she's going to be 61 this year. But she's very active and not being able to do things is driving her crazy(ier).

She told me to stay home today, and frankly I don't blame her. Everyone coming in and staring at her puking can't be a fun thing to want to go through. It's not like she's dying or seriously ill. (I'm not a cold, heartless bitch folks. But trust me, I know better than to buck my mom when she tells me to do something like that. And from past conversations I know she hates being stared at like that and doesn't really want visitors when she feels like shit.)

So I'm driving up tomorrow, thank the Goddess BFF-S is here to take care of my dogs. The irony is, when we all heard about this, we automatically assumed the cause of the fall would have been one of their six small dogs. Nope, act of cat. *LOL* She was trying to keep their new kitten from running out the door. Another irony? My one small and five large are FAR easier to deal with than her six little ones. (No wonder I'm a Domme, huh? *LOL*)

How was your Tuesday?

Fluidity.

2009-05-31T21:44:00.005-04:00

This post has been gelling in my brain for a few days (hence the delay in posting). I saw something interesting on FetLife that made me think.

Gender fluidity.

I don't claim to be an expert in it. In fact, I know little about it as of right now.

Let me start by saying that I am a firmly heterosexual, straight, non-butch woman who has no sexual interest in women and I am NOT in any way, shape, or form unhappy with the gender I was born as. I don't say that to sound like I'm a bigot, because I'm not. I say that to give you a crystal-clear idea of my sexual/gender identity.

Now, from what I understand, "gender fluid" is embracing both aspects, masculine and feminine, of one's self, as you see fit.

A light bulb sort of went on for me.

I am a woman who loves to quilt and who can rebuild a car engine. I'll admit I have never been accused of being a girlie-girl, but when the situation is appropriate, I do enjoy dressing up and looking nice. (I've discovered I REALLY love wearing bustiers/corsets.) I have installed new ceiling fans in my house and made myself a dress.

nakeysub can't readily point out a pair of Channelock pliers or vice grpis from a grouping of different types of pliers and wrenches. He is not "handy" when it comes to mechanical things. He asks me on a regular basis what that noise is, how will we fix whatever. But you should see how talented he is with cross-stitch.

There are times nakeysub has me purring like a kitten and I feel safe and secure and totally free to let go and let him watch over me, so to speak. Then there are times I feel like I am "the man" and keeping him safe. Even before our relationship ever took on a M/s aspect. I cannot honestly say that's ever felt uncomfortable or wrong to me. When we play, it's definitely a "masculine" aspect to my personality. If you ever heard me working on a car, you would swear I was a man from the way I was...well, swearing.

When I accompany nakeysub to one of his work-related events, I have no problem stepping into the wife (lowercase) role. I'm fine with that. Then we can get into the car and I'm immediately full-on Wife (uppercase).

This is something I plan on researching, the idea of gender fluidity. I should talk about it with nakeysub too. I wonder if men have more trouble embracing their "feminie" side than women do embracing their "masculine" side? Women are often expected to take on more masculine roles in certain circumstances, where it seems like men are only asked to take on "feminine" roles in terms of being emotionally supportive and available to their partners.

I like the idea of being able to embrace both "parts" of my personality without giving ground to either, without having to deny either aspect. I can be what/who I need to be when I need to be it without having to feel weird about it. Mind, body, and soul, I'm still a "girl." But at least I won't feel guilty or wrong if I need to act like a "guy" on occasion. *LOL*

Sugasm #166

2009-05-28T07:00:00.000-04:00

(Note from Mistress - we didn't make top pick, but we have an entry in the BDSM category! Woot!)

----

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #167? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
Bare-Assed Cheek (2): Punishment and Reward
“His finger glides up the inner side of my left thigh.”

Lilly’s Turn - Part 1: Wherein a Power Play is Made
“I asked her, outright, if she considered herself submissive.”

…please…
“Exquisite pain heralding exquisite surrender.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Is Sasha Grey going mainstream?

Sugasm Editor
A Difficult Scenario

Editor’s Choice
Just Looking

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

News, Reviews & Interviews
Horny Goat Weed: The Facts
Top Five Tuesday - Pop Culture Porn
Uniram Manual Sex Machine

Sex Advice
Ask Miss Bliss - She Brings Her Man To The All-Girl Sex Party
Guide to First-Time Anal Sex
How to Make Your Own Fucking Machine

BDSM & Fetish
“Dominant Savant…?”
Microfantasy Monday: Tits
More?
My favorite spanking blogs
Riffing on Brent Scott Riffing on Socrates (was Meeting BS)
Thank you, Jay Wiseman
What’s in the box?

Erotic Writing & Experiences
Burning the Midnight Oil
Camera Shy, Part 4
Couch. Confession #278
Drowning In Lust
Each Exquisite Stroke
Fantasy to Reality
I Like Being a Dirty Bitch
Miss blue that Naughty Little Voyeur
Play
Safe Haven
Sexy Skills
Sissy
Sleep Fucking

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Bianca Beauchamp on a road trip
HNT – Thursday, May 21st, 2009
Hungarian Viva TV presenter is totally nude
Kim Kardashian Playboy Nude Pictures - Few More
Love HNT
Playful Flower
Stunning blonde schoolgirl is punished
“Vixen” -HNT

Sex Humor
A Chocolate Dick Treat
The Secret to Soul Mates

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Blow Jays
Darling, You Look Wonderful Tonight
Have you seen her…?

Stalling

2009-05-27T08:14:00.006-04:00

I admit it. I'm wasting time blogging when I should be writing or doing battle with Mr. Eeeeville. I have to take my Element in to my mechanic in a few hours to get a tire fixed and the oil changed. (Fucking house down the street from us got a new roof, meaning we all got nails in our tires. Assholes.)

*momentary pause involving screaming, dogs trying to help, and shoe throwing*

Okay, well that was interesting. I now have a shoe hanging from my hallway entrance.

I do NOT like bugs in my house. I normally do NOT have bugs in my house. But the recent spate of flood-inducing rains has apparently driven bugs into my house. I was in the middle of trying to come up with a second paragraph for this blog when I looked up and saw a cockroach on my CEILING (cathedral ceiling). *shudder!* Of course, being the practical person I am, I started heaving shoes at it, which got my dogs all into the act wondering why I was suddenly throwing shoes at the ceiling and screaming.

Then they tried to take the shoes away from me as they'd hit the floor again. (Oh, look! Mommy's invented a new game for us!)

One got hung up on a hook over the hallway, but the other finally found its mark.

Score: Mistress - 1, Cockroach - 0.

Sadly for the cockroach, there will not be a rematch.

Now I need to figure out how the fuck to get that sandal off the hallway entrance.

Ch-ch-ch-changes...

2009-05-26T22:44:00.004-04:00

BFF-S (yes, I shortened it for this blog post because I'm too tired to copy and paste) is still fighting with the Totally Shithouse Rat-Crazy Asshole (TSR-CA) about the divorce settlement. The asshole can't just sign the generous agreement that screws her regardless. No, he has to be a total prick and keep fighting. Leaving her in limbo, because until that fucking piece of paper is filed, she can't establish residency in this state or else it can screw up the divorce proceedings.

Because her plans are to settle in this area anyway, and since she's already spent two weekends at our house without running and screaming in terror, nakeysub and I extended the offer to her for her to move in with us until she can get the TSR-CA out of her life. I'm actually looking forward to this for a whole variety of reasons. One being I now have a captive audience to bounce my crazy-assed writing ideas off of... *LOL* (Hey, having my own editor living under my roof, bonus! *LOL*)

And yes, her moving in is TOTALLY platonic. Duh. (Neither of us swing that way, so sorry guys, you won't be reading about any girl on girl action in this blog.) We did however ask if nakeysub and I playing is going to bother her, and she said since we'd seen her playing at a play party, we'd pretty much moved weeeelll past the TMI portion of our relationship. *LOL*

She has a valid point.

Being over here on this side of the state will give her a better chance to meet people and learn the area and do all the scouting necessary so when she is finally free to carry on, she'll be able to do so. She's already making friends locally with the area BDSM group, so it only makes sense for her to be over here.

We also have a couple of joint projects on the stove, so to speak, so being in the same house will make getting those completed a LOT easier on both of us.

I might, however, need to get nakeysub a better gag...

Humming good time.

2009-05-23T21:06:00.005-04:00

Did I ever mention how fucking much I LOVE my Hitachi Magic Wand? That little fucker is THE. BEST. TOY. EVER.

EVER.

Did I mention EVER????

So last night I had nakeysub put on his wrist cuffs. First I had him flat on his tummy and I worked him over a while with the crops. Had to be quiet because of teenaged child asleep two rooms over. After a little while of that I rolled him onto his back and hooked his wrists to the bed, spread-eagled.

Yum!

Originally planned on sitting on his face to get my jollies, but his Mr. Happy was too enticing. I whipped out the Magic Wand and started working on him, then sat on THAT and used the Wand on both of us like that.

Um, holy Goddess that felt fan-fucking-tastic!! After I had my ride *LOL* I used the Magic Wand on nakeysub and got him off with it.

Ahhh, I love that toy!

Which brings me back to the conundrum, I don't get long-term chastity device usage for guys. I mean, sure they work, I understand the theory behind them. Maybe it's just me, because I LOVE (love love LOVE) to play with nakeysub. I love molesting him (don't know if that's the right term because he's well over legal age and totally willing) and fondling him and playing with his equipment. I like getting him hard and keeping him there all day long. I love it when I'm writing and he walks over and stands there and I have a little fun and get him going and then leave him alone for a while. *LOL*

I mean, I know others have different dynamics, and that's totally cool, don't get me wrong, I'm NOT knocking it if it works for other couples. But frankly, as nakeysub's Mistress, I OWN him. All of him. Orgasms included. And I love those bastards, love getting him off in any way I can. I enjoy that, it gets my engines revving too.

That said, I'm thinking I'd love to have one of those things for nakeysub, just for periodic use, like when he goes to work. Just to use long enough to get his mind in proper subspace, reminding him constantly that he belongs to me.

I love getting him into subspace. I can feel it in him when he drops into it too. He's got different levels, when he's got to do other things, like if I'm talking to him on the phone and he's at work and I'm pushing his buttons, or if he's here at home and we're in bed. It's amazing. One thing I noticed that I read about somewhere else, is how when we're playing and he's really deep in subspace is that he sort of cups his dominant hand in a certain way. I'd never noticed that before until I read it somewhere else (I think it was on the Male Submission Art blog).

Tell me ladies, how do your men react when they drop into subspace? Do they have certain behaviors? Things they do or say? Do you have certain ways of dropping them into subspace a litle or a lot?

Thoughts about the play party and Femdom.

2009-05-21T16:47:00.004-04:00

I know, I've been quiet. Been a busy week and I've wasted far too much time on FetLife.com as well. *LOL*

One thing that nakeysub mentioned about the play party on Saturday night is he loved how I positioned him for the scene. I ordered him up against a padded table and when he leaned over, he spread his legs.

Keep in mind I was dressed and in the 5"-heeled boots and he was in nothing but a G-string.

*mmm... yum....*

Sorry, got distracted.

I stepped between his legs and used my boot-clad feet to nudge his legs apart. I could almost feel him melting as I did that. I love being able to read his body like that.

He's told me several times now since then how submissive that made him feel, me taking charge like that. And frankly, I have to admit I knew that it would. I sensed it. It was instinctive.

That and the private scene we had at home has led me to rethink a few things about myself. I've always vocally denied I was a sadist. And I still think that holds true. But to be quite honest, I have to admit having that kind of control over his body, being able to wring certain reactions out of him and knowing it's not just blowing his cock but his mind at the same time, it's...

Really, really cool.

From my discussions with other Doms locally, and watching other Doms play, I can see now where I can use "sadistic" techniques on nakeysub and take him to the brink of his pain limits and still keep it enjoyable for him. I mean, I know some people get of on causing pain, and that's fine if it's their thing, but it's not my thing.

I also got to use the Feeldoe on him. Jury's still out on it for me, but as far as using it on him, wow. I started out with a good session with the flogger, crops, and cane, then put him on his hands and knees on the bed, me kneeling behind him, and eventually ended up moving so I was standing and he was still kneeling on the bed. Back to the "mind fuck" part of my discussion, after a few minutes, he was humping himself backwards onto that thing in a way that even though I couldn't see his face, I knew he was over the top in subspace land. I grabbed his hips and fucked him with it, didn't let him come that way, I made him get me off first then actually let him fuck me.

Later, when I described how he'd acted, he said, "Really?" because while he remembered the play, he didn't "remember" it, if that makes sense? Pure subspace.

And... *shiver* that's just mondo uber cool. To me, that's what I get off on, getting these kinds of reactions from him, taking him mentally and emotionally into these kinds of places that before were totally inaccessible to us both. I love it!

HNT

2009-05-21T16:41:00.002-04:00

*le sigh!*

One of my favorite sights!

HNT on a Monday

2009-05-18T09:39:00.004-04:00

By the way, here's a picture of my handiwork on nakeysub's ass from the party Saturday night. You can see perfectly the shape of the riding crop on his ass, and this was taken almost twenty-four hours later.

Damn, I did gooood! *LOL* This was taken last night, before we had a private session before going to bed.

This one was taken after. A few more marks for my (his?) collection.

I love how the wider riding crop leaves such a clear mark. The narrower crop has a longer, more springy shaft. This crop has a shorter, stiffer shaft and wider flapper on the end. I like the narrower one for teasing and playing, and the wider one for the slapping sound and the mark it leaves.

OMF'ingG!

2009-05-17T21:32:00.002-04:00

Whew!

Still recovering from last night's play party. It was myself, nakeysub, and BFF and self-described subbie sexy/semi-slut S (aka BFF&S-DSS/S-SS) at a local play party with about forty others. It was BFF&S-DSS/S-SS' second party, and the first time she ever got to play at a party (or at all).

Fun was had by all. *LOL*

(No, I did NOT play with her, Dom K, our massage therapist, did the honors.)

Let me backtrack. The day started with pancake coma, then massages for all three of us by Dom K. (Did I mention I LOVE getting a massage?) Then a shopping trip to a local store where both BFF&S-DSS/S-SS and I got new bustiers, plus I got a short skirt to wear with *drumroll* the new boots.

I didn't wear the boots to the party. It would have been a little difficult managing the car ride considering I couldn't walk in the damn things at first and couldn't bend my knees.

We got to the party, and I changed into the short skirt I planned to wear for the party. nakeysub got busy getting my boots on me and then finally, after almost needing a crane to get me out of the chair and to my feet, I shakily toddled (five-inch heels, mind you) to the snack table.

That's where the OMF'ingG comes from -- they were damn tall!

BFF&S-DSS/S-SS almost made me fall over (literally) when she got me laughing by waggling her fingers at me and saying in a Mommy-to-baby voice, "Come on, you can do it, just a little further." *LOL*

(Note: Do not ever make someone just learning how to walk in five-inch heels laugh like crazy! Fortunately, nakeysub was standing right behind me to keep me vertical.)

I made nakeysub well-aware of the fact that if my feet hurt, his ass would hurt just as much. *LOL* (And yes, I did.)

I was chanting the, "Slowly I turned...step by step," Three Stooges routine by the end of the evening.

By the end of the evening I could walk in them reasonably well. The irony was, when I took them off and switched back to my other heels, they felt short by comparison, so there was that at least. *LOL* I got a TON of complimens about the boots. I sort of wish I'd gotten knee boots instead, but I'll get used to these. *LOL*

I did play with nakeysub, got him bent over a bench and left some nice marks on his sweet ass from a riding crop. So that was how our play party night went.

Text strokes.

2009-05-15T08:15:00.003-04:00

nakeysub has a mental block about learning how to lock up his cellphone. Any phone. he's always been this way.

This invariably leads to him "ass texting" me. (I think that BlackBerry Flip commercial where the woman answers her phone and it's her husband butt dialing her is hysterical because it's TRUE!)

We'd gone a few weeks without him doing this, then yesterday he blank-texted me five in a row. Again this morning. So I promptly called him and told him from this point on (including the ones he'd just texted me) he will get one hard stroke from the riding crop across his ass for each blank text message. Then I suggested he learn how to lock his phone.

After a brief pause, he said, "Can you teach me that tonight?"

Abso-friggin-lutely. Because it's as annoying as fuck to have a string of BLANK MESSAGES coming through my BlackBerry, interrupting me. I mean, legitimate messages are fine, but the blank text messages annoy the crap out of me.

Grrr.

I leave in a while to pick up BFF and tomorrow, her, myself, and nakeysub are getting massages from Dom K. OMG....purrrrr... yum! He gives damn good massages.

Last week he joked with me, because I am a talker (naw! ME??? A TALKER???) and I talk through the entire massage with him, he said, "Now, listen, I'm gonna get all Dommy on you and make you be quiet and enjoy the ma-ssage." (He's British, so envision the delicious British accent.)

I'm thinking, um, yeah, you're gonna Dom ME? Um, no, not so much. *LOL* (And yes, he was teasing.) Besides the fact that talking actually does relax me. And he's fun to talk to, he's a writer, and he's had a lot of neat experiences in his life.

nakeysub, however, has never had a ma-ssage before. (I LOVE the way Dom K says that. *LOL*) And he was very hesitant to get one from a guy. Dom K, who is literally more than a foot taller than nakeysub, looked down at him and said, "Listen, I like you, you're a nice guy, but you're not my type." *ROTF!!*

So I pulled out the Domme/Mistress card and played it face up on the table and told nakeysub he WILL be getting a ma-ssage tomorrow.

This'll be interesting.

BFF and I have decided that we'll let nakeysub go first, because otherwise he'll sit there worrying himself into oblivion. We've both assured him that he will enjoy the experience.

Tomorrow night... *drumroll* the next play party! Woot!

OH! My boots arrived yesterday! They fit (double woot!) and nakeysub was hard as a rock last night as he helped me put them on and laced them up for me. I told him this will be one of his jobs, and he will have to master lacing them perfectly for me. (And then standing there holding onto me so I don't fall on my fucking ASS while I'm walking in the damn things!) They're 5" heels and thigh-high boots, putting me at a whopping 6'1" towering over nakeysub.

Um, yeah.

At least it puts his face at tit level. *LOL* That's pretty perfect, I have to admit. So then I played with him for a while, took one of the riding crops and gently smacked his cock and balls with it (not hard--well, HE was hard, but I was just tapping him with it) and got him really hard. Then he helped me off with the boots and rubbed my feet and I told him to bring me...

The Magic Wand. (I think there should be one of those deep, echoing reverb sound effects to accompany that.)

I let him play with me while I used The Magic Wand (echoing reverb sound effect) on myself.

Ahhh. (It's nice, but still not as nice as nakeysub's tongue.)

And yes, I let him cuddle up to me and go to sleep without relief. Now he's not so sure he enjoys that part of the equation even though he admits the anticipation is fun.

I'm sure he'll deal with it just fine.

Sugasm #165

2009-05-15T08:13:00.001-04:00

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #166? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
Blame it on the al-al al-al al-al-co-hol
“My legs were now spread and he was in between them.”

Dinner and a Show
“Before it disappeared completely, I gave it a twist at the base, causing it to vibrate.”

Sugarbutch Star: Matt (part two) - All Five Senses
“She takes her lipstick out of her bag and uncaps it, twists it up and paints her mouth subtly, softly.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Adieu ErosBlog?

Sugasm Editor
Sex Work And Honesty: Relationship Status

Editor’s Choice
A Long Slow Seduction Continued…

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
The Asshole Standing Next To You
Sharp Shooter

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Divini Rae Sexy Pictures - High Quality
Dunes
Jana Jordan
Laissez-faire (HNT)
Secretary is whipped by their bosses

Erotic Writing and Experiences
Back Home Tonight
The Best Friend (part 2)
Camera Shy 3
Drive Me Crazy
Not Enough #8
Her Favorite Positions - Part Two
Love Bites
The ‘N’ Word - a short story…
The Rossebuurt Gap Year: With Benefits
Skin
Spite
Strokin’
You Give Me Fever

Sex Humor
Lesbian Sex Coffee Analogy

BDSM & Fetish
At Your Service
Pornographic statue
Spanked on their delightful bare bottoms

Sex News, Reviews, and Interviews
Lelo Ella
Me and my Uniram
New Study Challenges Masturbation Numbers
Top Five Tuesday - FemDoms

Sex Advice
Firsts

HNT pic

2009-05-14T08:29:00.004-04:00

Duh, me. I should post a HNT pic.

Well, this one is nakeysub more than HN, but hey, you're only seeing part of him so that counts, right?

Now, I have to admit I don't like this picture simply because the angle of the shot makes nakeysub look smaller than he really is. He was angled toward me when I took the pic.

nakeysub's kink list

2009-05-14T08:16:00.004-04:00

Okay, here's the long-awaited kink list nakeysub filled out (three times). There were some technical issues to getting it where I could copy it and paste it into a blog post.

Now, keep in mind, I gave him specific instructions on how to fill this out. The Yes/No isn't for whether he's done it or not despite what the form said, it's Yes for something he's interested in (or knows he likes because we have done it) and No for a "No Way in Hell" hard limit. The numbers are 4 being highest, 0 being least.

Also keep in mind I was sitting next to him when he filled this out, and I let him give some answers from the perspective of not just him being/doing them, but me as well, such as he enjoys receiving fellatio, enjoys watching me wear corsets, high heels, etc. just to clarify that. And a couple of things, obviously, are yes but would require using a dildo or two (like the double penetration) instead of another person. *LOL*

A. Sexual Orientation
My Sexual Orientation is: Hetro
My D/s Orientation is: Sub

B. Sexual Activities Done That My Rating
Anal Penetration - Yes 4
Anal Fisting - No
Anilingus - No
Cock Worship - Yes 2
Cunnilingus - Yes 4
Cyber Sex - Yes 3
Double Penetration (oral/vaginal) - Yes 4
Double Penetration (oral/anal) - Yes 4
Double Penetration (vaginal/anal) - Yes 4
Fellatio - Yes 4
Gang Bang - No
Group Sex - No
Masturbation - Yes 4
Oral Sex - Yes 4
Phone Sex - Yes 3
Rough Sex - Yes 4
Same Gender Sex - No
Threesomes (f,f,m) - No
Threesomes (f,m,m) - No
Triple Penetration - Yes 3
Vaginal Fisting - No
Vaginal Sex - Yes 4

C. General Fetishes - My Rating
Bestiality - No
Blood - No
Body Modification - No
Bondage - Yes 4
Boots - Yes 4
Corsetry - Yes 4
Cross Dressing - No
Diapers - No
Enemas - No
Exhibitionism - Yes 4
Forced Feminization - No
Golden Showers - No
Hair - No
High Heels - Yes 4
Lace - No
Lactation - No
Latex - Yes 2
Leather - Yes 2
Legs & Feet - Yes 3
Medical - No
Menstruation - No
Midgets - No
Nylon - Yes 2
Pain - Yes 2
Panties - No
Pantyhose - No
Pregnancy - No
PVC - No
Rubber - No
Scat - No
Silk - Yes 3
Uniforms - No
Voyerism - No
Wet & Messy - No

D. D/s Activities Been There My Rating
Anal Worship - Yes 3
Body Worship - Yes 4
Branding (For the marking aspect) - Yes 2
Caging - Yes 1
Chastity Devices - Yes 2
Cock Worship - Yes 3
Collars - Yes 4
Contracting - No
Corporal Punishment - Yes 3
Domestic Service - Yes 4
Dress Codes - Yes 3
Eating Patterns Control - Yes 3
Following Orders - Yes 3
Foot Worship - Yes 4
Forced Feminization - No
Forced Nudity - Yes 4
Forced Orgasm - Yes 4
Given Away (for play) - No 0
Given Away (for training) - No
Mouth Soaping - No
Posture Training - Yes 2
Private Humiliation - Yes 1
Public Humiliation - No
Sensory Deprivation - No
Serving as Ashtry - No
Serving as Furniture - Yes 3
Sexual Service - Yes 4
Toilet Service - No
Verbal Humiliation - No

E. Bondage Done That My Rating
Arm Sleeves - Yes 2
Body Harness (leather) - Yes 4
Body Harness (rope) - Yes 3
Breast Bondage - No
Casts - No
Chains - Yes 3
Collar & Leash - Yes 4
Cuffs - Yes 4
Gags - Yes 3
Genital Bondage - Yes 4
Head Harness - No
Hogtie - Yes 3
Hoods - No
Mummification - No
Over Night Bondage - Yes 3
Saran Wrapping - No
Shackles - Yes 4
Slings/Swings - Yes 3
Spread Eagle - Yes 4
Spreader Bars - Yes 3
Stocks - Yes 3
Straight Jackets - No
Suspension (horizontal) - Yes 3
Suspension (inverted) - No
Suspension (vertical) - Yes 3

F. Scenes Been There My Rating
Abduction Scenes - No
Age Play - No
Blood Play - No
Branding Scenes - No
Breath Control - No
CBT Scenes (Cock & Ball Torture) - Yes 3
Electro Torture Scenes - Yes 2
Interrogation Scenes - No
Intricate Bondage Scenes - Yes 3
Medical Scenes - No
Needle Play (temp piercing) - No
Pony Play - No
Puppy Play - No
Rape Play - No
Religion Secens - No
Resistance Play - No
Role Playing (various D/s roles) - Yes 3
Sensory Deprevation Scenes - No
Service Scenes - Yes 4
Spanking Scenes - Yes 3
Tickling Scenes - Yes 2
Torture Scenes - Yes 1
Vampire Scenes - No
Videotaped Scenes - Yes 2

G. Tools of the Trade (aka "Toys") Been There My Rating
Ball Strechers & Crushers - Yes 3
Bare Hands - Yes 3
Blindfolds - Yes 4
Branding Irons - No
Butt Plugs - Yes 4
Canes - Yes 1
Clit Clips - No
Clothespins - Yes 1
Dildos - Yes 3
Ear Plugs - No
Fire/Heat - No
Floggers (leather) - Yes 4
Floggers (rubber) - Yes 1
Hot Wax - No
Ice - No
Knives - No
Leather Belts - No
Medical/Dental Equipment - No
Needles - No
Nipple Clamps - Yes 2
Oils/Lotions/Spices - Yes 4
Paddles (leather) - Yes 1
Paddles (wood) - Yes 2
Riding Crops - Yes 1
Single Tail Whips - Yes 1
Speculums - No
Suction Devices - No
TENS Units - Yes 1
Ticklers - Yes 2
Urethral Sounds - No
Vibrators - Yes 4
Violet Wand - Yes 2
Weapons - No

What's in the box?

2009-05-13T09:59:00.001-04:00

*drumroll*

The contents of the toy box from hell. (Excluding the crops, which I just included in the pic for the hell of it. Those are the two I bought locally at the tack shop.)

The flogger I'm not real sure I'm happy with, but it was admittedly a cheap ($69) one. It's awfully stiff, so probably will loosen up as I work nakeysub over with it. I do plan on investing in a good flogger at a later time, but for a starter flogger, it'll do.

The ball gag, again, it's a cheapy, came with three different size balls, it was on sale and I can get a nicer one later once he's used to it. The Hitachi Magic Wand (makes ME purr, let me tell you what) and the two attachments for it. The Feeldoe Slim (can't wait to try out THAT baby!). Locking leather wrist cuffs (again, basic ones, I want to eventually get nicer ones lined with padding). The rattan cane I was a little disappointed with, they shipped in a short box and bent it, so I think I need to soak it and straighten it out. The Velcro spreader bar set is cool, again, it was on sale and a good starter unit.

The only thing that didn't arrive are the 5" heel thigh-high boots, they were drop-shipped. But I showed nakeysub the invoice so he could see what else is in store for him. *LOL*

And little mr. smartass said, "Oh, this'll keep my mouthiness to a minimum," popped the ball gag into his mouth and started mumbling at me.

I promptly trussed him up and tried the flogger on him, then used the crops on him, left him hard and throbbing. *LOL*

Again, keep in mind, I was trying to get the most bang (haha) for my buck. I realize that I will need to invest in more and better quality toys as we travel this journey, but this is a great starting point.

THEN, I tried out the Hitachi.

No fucking wonder the thing is called the "Magic Wand." Holy crap! If you don't have one of these little fuckers, GET ONE!

I can't wait to use it on nakeysub. *LOL*

Teenaged child had gone to bed already, but had the TV on in their room with their door closed, so me and nakeysub were playing with the Hitachi. (Rather, I was playing, he was playing with ME. I made him go to sleep without relief. *LOL*) I switched that sucker on and our TV did the little interference thing. I immediately switched it off and started laughing and said, "Gee, I hope teenaged child doesn't complain in the morning that their TV was acting weird!" *ROTFLMAO*

Now, when nakeysub goes down on me, I always have a mind-blowing orgasm. I mean, trembling on the bed, can barely feel my legs, nowhere close to coherent speech, stick a fork in me I'm done kind of orgasms. One thing I've noticed, whether it's the shower massager or the little vibrator or even the Hitachi, it's never as powerful as when nakeysub goes down on me. So that's something I'm interested in investigating further, as to why that is, and if maybe that means I can have a BUNCH of little ones and then have nakeysub give me one big cherry on top kind of finish with his tongue.

Anticipation

2009-05-12T07:57:00.003-04:00

Well, I've been tracking the toy box from hell package (aka toys!) and it should be here today. But I won't be. *LOL* I need to run BFF back to Jax and pick up teenaged child.

nakeysub has crystal clear instructions that he is NOT to open the box when he gets home, that I will open it when I get home later tonight.

*evil grin*

One of my instructions to nakeysub is that he has to send me a text message any time throughout the day that he's hard. I just received the first one, meaning he will most likely be sending me quite a few throughout the day as he keeps thinking about the box, what's in the box, how he cannot OPEN the box, how he'll have to wait until I'm ready to open the box, et cetera.

Tease and denial. *LOL* Of a different kind, of course.

nakeysub and I discussed tease and denial this past weekend, and I think it's something we'll explore more in depth. He said it's something he'd like to try, and the more FLR blogs I read, the more I see it's a common method of ensuring compliance amongst male subs. We'll see how it goes. I do not like to ever deny myself the fun of making him come, so if I like it, we'll do it more. If not, we won't.

Munch bunch.

2009-05-11T12:35:00.002-04:00

Our first munch (aka "computer group meeting") was really good. Great food, excellent conversation. The irony is we'd already met most of the people there through play parties. *LOL*

nakeysub, true to sweetly clueless form, actually asked a hysterically funny question of me as we were getting dressed to go to the munch.

"Why did they give us two armbands at the club last night?"

When we got there, we followed one of our friends, S, in the door. He was dressed in black, carrying a duffel bag that they searched. Inside the duffel bag, mind you, are all sorts of floggers, cuffs, ropes, chains...you get the picture.

I'm dressed in black, nakeysub's dressed (rrrwoooarrr) not in your typical club fare, BFF and self-described subbie sexy/semi-slut S (aka BFF&S-DSS/S-SS) was in heels, a short skirt, and bustier, and the other friends (in line behind us) were, let's just say, dressed in similar and even more risque ways than we were.

Also carrying duffel bags of...ahem...equipment.

I looked at nakeysub. "One was to show we paid our cover and were there legally, the other gave us access to the upstairs where the play equipment was."

I swear to the Goddess, he actually said (I cannot make this shit up folks), "How did they know we were going upstairs?"

I thought he was joking at first. Then I realized he really was clueless. "Honey, seriously?"

Blank stare.

I said, "Consider the way the other club-goers were dressed, the ones who didn't go upstairs." (Mostly young 20-somethings in 20-something garb.)

He thought about it.

"Now, think about how WE were dressed, and what we all were carrying inside with us."

Another really long moment later, he finally said, "Ahhhh!" as the lightbulb went off inside his brain.

Bless his heart, he's a brilliant man, but sometimes he comes up with THE funniest things.

Back to the munch, we had a good time, I won a cool prize (scented soap) and ate way too much. Looking forward to the play party next weekend. (Woot!) I'm chilling out today, trying to catch up on email, it's my birthday so I'm taking it easy on this Monday.

Tracked my toybox from hell order online, it should arrive tomorrow. (Cue muwahahaha music.) I can't wait to see nakeysub's face when I open that baby up and show him my new toys. *G*

Belated HNT pics

2009-05-10T14:33:00.003-04:00

Well, one is sort of an HNT, and one is more than half-nekkid. *LOL*

This first one is nakeysub doing the elliptical.

Um...eh, well not exactly the right word, but you get the picture. (haha)

The second picture is the one I sent to my friend while I was trying to clothes shop. That one qualifies, I think, as a HNT pic.

Catching up, miscellaneous giggles and guffaws.

2009-05-10T11:21:00.006-04:00

Sorry I've been incommunicado for a couple of days! Let's start out with the fact that on Wednesday, I again made Mr. Evil my bitch and did a full thirty-one minutes on the elliptical. Woot!

Ruined that by not having stepped on it since then. *LOL* However, I do have a valid series of excuses.

Thursday:

A good friend needed to go to the airport on Thursday morning. nakeysub's car also needed some work done. So I drove her to the airport and dropped nakeysub off at his office, then did a little... SHOPPING!

Now keep in mind, I am NOT a clothes horse, I consider going to a mall akin to entering the seventh circle of Hell. I started my shopping trip with a journey to a local feed/farm supply store.

Did you know a crop that sells for $30 on a fetish site only fetches $9 (NINE!) in a feed store? *G*

I bought two. One with a narrow flapper, one with a wider one. These will be nice additions to my toy box from hell order, when it finally arrives. Eventually I will go back there, because they had a very intriguing selection of whips I'd like to peruse.

Next stop - mall. (Ugh.) I was on the phone repeatedly with BFF and self-described subbie sexy/semi-slut S (aka BFF&S-DSS/S-SS) asking for advice. I started at Macy's with every intention of going to Victoria's Secret. (Oh, I should add we were planning on going to a play party at a club on Saturday night. I needed something appropriate besides the ONE dress I've worn to all three parties we've been to thus far, and it's a vanilla sundress. *LOL*) I ended up making a wrong turn and went to JCPenny's.

BONUS! They were having a HUGE sale. I found a pair of slacks I NEVER would have bought for myself before, but I tried them on and day-yam, they looked good. So I thought. But I was extremely frustrated that I didn't have anyone with me to verify they looked okay.

Inspiration! I whipped out my BlackBerry and snapped a pic of myself (that would be appropriate for a HNT post, if I was actively HNT posting *LOL*) and emailed it to BFF&S-DSS/S-SS. I called her, "Hey, check your email. How do those look on me?"

She laughed and checked and said they looked great.

Sold!

$44 slacks for $17. Woot!

Thought why not hit the undies section too? Long story short, bought about $150 worth of lingere for $70.

Now, I cannot remember the last time I bought any clothes somewhere other than Wal-Mart, Target, or Goodwill.

Next stop - new eyeglasses. (The old ones were four years old and literally falling apart. Yep, I was overdue.)

Note to self: Pick out the frames BEFORE they dillate my eyes! Thankfully, the one pair that surprised me wasn't bad looking. I couldn't make out the details on the side of the arms but they looked okay on my face. When I picked them up Saturday, I was like, "Oh, okay, those are cute." *LOL*

To the mechanic's to pay the bill and get the keys to nakeysub's car. (By this time, it's almost 3pm.) Back home to walk dogs and immediately turn around and head out again. Stop by Goodwill and TOTALLY scored not only the perfect shirt I had envisioned working well with the slacks, but several black shirts that both myself and nakeysub can wear for parties.

Up to get nakeysub. I had ordered him before dropping him at work that he was to remove his underwear before I picked him up.

He did.

Then to a local adult store that also has a great selection of dance and club wear. I bought a beautiful bustier that was red with sort of an Oriental pattern, on sale (woot!). I stepped out of the dressing room and the sales clerk helped me lace it.

I should mention that nakeysub is an extremely even-tempered man. He expresses emotions like anyone else, obviously, but usually in a fairly subdued way.

When I turned around and he saw me, I heard this loud, "Wow!" nakeysub had a huge grin on his face. "You look gorgeous!" he exclaimed. And Mr. Happy had sat up and took notice too. So we leave with it and with a G-string for nakeysub.

Dinner, then home.

Friday - I drove up to Jax and picked up BFF&S-DSS/S-SS, we turned around and headed home.

Friday night - BFF&S-DSS/S-SS didn't run screaming from my home when she saw it and my six (seven if you count our friends') dogs. (We're babysitting our friends' dog while they're gone.)

Saturday - Picked up my new glasses. (Woot!) BFF&S-DSS/S-SS finally got to experience pancake coma at IHOP first hand with me and nakeysub. Ahhhhh yum! (Note: Pancake coma is just the name of the weekend breakfast expedition, not because we always eat pancakes. But it started out with their all you can eat pancake special and we kept the name.)

nakeysub went back home while BFF&S-DSS/S-SS and I went up to Dom K and m's day spa for facials (the vanilla kind, thank you very much *LOL* yes, never say "facial" to an erotica writer) and ahhhhhhhh massages! Woot!

After having melted there (did I mention Dom K gives a wicked good massage?) I showed BFF&S-DSS/S-SS around the area a little, we stopped at a really cool metaphysical/new age store I love to go to. BFF&S-DSS/S-SS got a new Tarot deck, flourite crystal, and runes book. I got a new candle dish to replace the one that's cracked and keeps leaking wax on my stove.

To the adult store, where both BFF&S-DSS/S-SS and myself got pretties - she picked up a gorgeous bustier and new shoes, I got another bustier, this one simpler than the one I got the other day but it was the last one in that size and the clerk said they weren't getting them in again in that style.

I was trying to help BFF&S-DSS/S-SS tighten hers, and said, "Well, I guess the clerk needs to show me how to do this, and tonight you'll have to help me with mine. We'll be bustier buddies." *LOL*

Home.

While BFF&S-DSS/S-SS was getting her shower, nakeysub painted my toenails. (He's getting really good at it!) Then we got our showers.

On the road again with nakeysub (who looked DAMN good in jeans, black shirt, and leather vest that I found in my closet that had belonged to my uncle who...that's a whole 'nother story).

We met up with friends to follow them up to Tampa to where the play party was being held. One of whom teased me and said, "Dang! You look good! You have a shape, I've never seen it before!" *LOL*

Smart ass. *LOL* He's a Dom (and a sweetie) and he's only seen me at play parties in the aforementioned sundress. *LOL* I was wearing the new slacks, which ride low on the hips but don't gap in the back like most pants I have do, and the red busier, with a black long-sleeved men's shirt over it for safety. *LOL*

Now, keep in mind, this was BFF&S-DSS/S-SS' first play party, and only our fourth. We didn't expect to play (and we didn't) but it was definitely an interesting experience going to this club in Ybor and seeing... Lots of unusual things. The mood and feeling of the place wasn't, for me personally, condusive to play, but others did play and it was fun watching others playing and seeing different things. (And getting ideas of my own... heh heh heh.) nakeysub spent a lot of time rubbing my feet (those fucking peep-toe pumps of mine are gorgeous but killer on my feet!) and I think he loved the idea that even though he's my pet, he got to walk in the door with not one, but TWO good-looking women on his arms.

Okay, so both me and BFF&S-DSS/S-SS were at least a head taller than him because of our shoes, but that's beside the point.

And Domme M and her sub were there too. (He's the one who was wearing the humbler at the last play party.) I was talking with her, and when I mentioned that, he said, "Ohh! Now I remember where I met you." *LOL* (He was fully dressed and upright last night, although a vendor there did have a humbler for sale, which made nakeysub nervous, I do believe.)

I hate wearing clothes without pockets. And dammit, Mother Nature has rotten timing. I had to make a trip to the restroom and didn't want to take our big tote bag (we'd brought a towel and extra clothes and the crops just in case we did play) to the bathroom with me for one fucking tampon. So I looked down at my chest and thought hmmm, stuck one down there.

Joked with BFF&S-DSS/S-SS we need to invent a line of bustiers with hidden compartments for money, ID cards, etc. in them, we could call them the Booby Trap Bustiers by Busom Buddies.

When she finished laughing, she said that line alone was worth the cover charge we paid to get in.

Keep in mind, I am NOT well-endowed in the upstairs. I'm a 36B (B for "barely") and the bustier I had was a size 34, but the top is shaped in such a way, and it had attached arm bands, so I had to maintain a certain posture or I'd be tumbling out all over. I kept looking down and freaking out that the girls could be seen. Fortunately, from any other vantage point, they could not. *LOL*

Note on the leather vest that belonged to my uncle - he died a couple of years ago, a man in his fifties who would regularly sport barely-legal girls on his arm. A man who rode his motorcycle way too fast and who lived too hard while trying to hang onto his youth. I told nakeysub last night as we stood on the club balcony and looked out at the street that frankly, my uncle's vest had probably seen this area of town a LOT more than the three of us ever had. *LOL* And it probably had tales to tell that would have curled our hair.

Today... Well, we finally awoke when the dogs insisted that even though we told them they got walked when we got home at 3am, they still had to go out again. Right then.

nakeysub gave me a beautiful Mother's Day card. I told him I did NOT want a present, because today's a pretty rough day for me because it's the one year anniversary of when my grandmother died, and tomorrow is my birthday. I also told him NO birthday presents. The shopping spree we just had was MORE than enough. (I'm not a big birthday celebrator anyway, frankly.)

The Munch is tonight (yay!). The first one we've managed to make it to, even though we've met several people from the area so far.

And that's why I've been so quiet.

We're going to get over to the beach here after a while, let BFF&S-DSS/S-SS see what the other coast looks like, and basically chill out today.

Hope everyone has a great Mother's Day (here in the States) and a great Sunday elsewhere. I'll post about how the Munch went tonight or tomorrow depending on how I feel.

I pwned its ass!!

2009-05-05T15:29:00.004-04:00

The official score is now Mistress - 1, Elliptical Machine - 1. I did a FULL 30 minutes today. Yay me! I think the fact that I had Black Eyed Peas blasting helped. The Monkey Business album has a good set of songs with the right beat.

Now if the special order I placed earlier will just arrive, I'll be a happy Mistress. I texted nakeysub and told him I'd placed an order.

nakeysub: Ty Mistress.
Me: Don't thank me yet...you haven't seen the order. LOL
nakeysub: Shall I get on my knees and start begging?
Me: No. That won't help.
nakeysub: I mean for forgiveness.
Me: LOL What did you do?
nakeysub: I'm being proactive.
Me: LOL

With my luck, it'll get here early next week while teenaged child is home. This week and weekend, teenaged child is with ex-assholio at a sports thing. We're going to a play party on Saturday (might not play there, going more so BFF and self-described subbie sexy/semi-slut S (aka BFF&S-DSS/S-SS) can go and meet people she's been talking with. Then the munch on Sunday. Next Saturday is the local play party.

So I'm filling out an online fitness log on a site I just joined to keep track of my progress. In activities, it lists "sexual activities." I thought, cool! and opened that section.

Unfortunately, it's very generic, gives three levels.

Now, how the hell is THAT supposed to help me? Nothing about being serviced by nakeysub's tongue (or the calories he uses up servicing me), nothing about flogging (for me, duh, then again maybe getting flogged will help nakeysub burn calories too), nothing about any of that kind of stuff.

I thought about writing an email to the company. Can you imagine being the customer service wonk getting THAT one?

Hi, I just joined the site and noticed that the "sexual activity" section of exercise is rather non-specific. May I make the following suggestions?

oral sex (giving and receiving, all various combinations of genders)
flogging, caning, paddling, whipping, spanking (giving and receiving)
boot worship
wiggling to escape bondage
forced orgasms (giving: manually and with a vibrator, and receiving)
tickling

What do you think? Should I write it?

Heh heh heh.

2009-05-05T12:26:00.003-04:00

There is no daily score yet in my personal war against Mr. Eeeevvvillle (aka the elliptical machine) because I've been busy. One of my publishers sent me a manuscript for edits, so I was working on that this morning, then I had to place a very...special order.

*G*

TOYS!

Ahhahahaha!

I can't wait for that particular box to arrive. *G*

No, can't tell you want I ordered yet, because I want nakeysub surprised. Let's just leave it at the fact that his ass will be well and truly filled, fucked, and reddened, along with a few other surprises, by the time I'm finished with him.

And of course I ordered a couple of things for me, too! *evil grin*

More torture of the not-fun kind.

2009-05-04T21:10:00.003-04:00

Ugh. I consider today's torture session... eh, elliptical session a draw. I did 20 minutes, 5 more than yesterday. So the score is still Elliptical - 1, Me - 0. But I'm determined to do this. I know I can do this.

And the thought of nakeysub on his hands and knees worshipping me in thigh-high lace-up boots is pretty inspirational. *LOL*

I need to get his kink list posted. He re-did it last night (the right way) and I need to copy it in and format it and post it. That might not happen until tomorrow. A few...interesting things.

Elliptical - 1, Mistress - 0

2009-05-03T19:50:00.002-04:00

Well, it kicked my ass. *LOL* I managed 15 minutes on the eeeevvviillle device before I... *ahem*... submitted. I vow to build up to a half-hour a day, however. And I did get a quite nice picture of nakeysub working out on it...nakey. *G* I'll have to get that posted.

ka-CHING! Part Deux, and Ow!

2009-05-03T08:02:00.003-04:00

Ahahahaha! Well yesterday's shopping resulted in a new laptop for me, a new-to-us elliptical from Play It Again Sports -- $600 elliptical like new, for $300, which is where the OW! part of the title comes from -- and a new laser printer (because my Kodak printer needs ANOTHER printhead. Ugh.).

And this morning, my old laptop is apparently pissed off, because it's -- no shit -- hanging up on the blue "Windows is starting up..." screen. *LOL* So apparently my timing was perfect.

Whoops! I spoke too soon, it just booted. *LOL*

So I told nakeysub that one of his new routines is every morning he WILL get on the elliptical for at least 15 minutes before he goes to work. Well, after he tried it, I relented and said he could start out at 5 minutes. *LOL* (His legs are a lot shorter than mine.) But I'm damn sure lookin forward to losing my ass -- literally -- on this torture device. This is where I carry my weight, in my ass and thighs. (I'm in shape -- pear IS a shape.) nakeysub, however, has never commented on my weight and has always acted appreciative of my form. (Did I mention how much I love this man?) I mean, I'm not obese, but I am heavy for my frame. I should be 30 - 50 pounds lighter than I am. A good weight for me would be the 135 - 145 pound range, and I'm around 180. *ugh*

I hate even writing that.

I am determined to tone my thighs and ass so I can look sleekly sexy in a pair of thigh-high lace-up boots. *G*

There is method to my madness. (And excercise is, to me, madness of the not-fun kind. I'm a Taurus, we don't generally like to move.)

So this morning, without being asked, nakeysub got on the torture stand...eh, elliptical machine, and did his time without (much) complaint. I'm so proud of him! And ladies, it's a LOT of fun to watch your man doing the elliptical nakey. It was...entrancing. *LOL* (Of course, my attention was focused on a certain part of his anatomy.)

And as soon as I have another cup of coffee, I'm going to go do my 30 minutes. I've decided I want to shoot for 30 minutes every day. I have no excuse, it's in my living room. (And let me tell you what, it freaked out our dogs when we brought it in! *LOL*)

ka-CHING!

2009-05-02T08:02:00.002-04:00

Well, when I looked at my bank balance last night (and I think they do things weird, but oh well whatever) the royalty check wasn't in the "current" balance slot, but it was in the "available" balance, meaning they've got it and know it's there, but technically you can't get to it yet. *LOL* At least not with an ATM card, I think.

I could, however, pay bills. A LOT of bills. Over $1,700 worth of bills, as a matter of fact. *LOL* Now, before you choke, included in that amount was two months of electric bills (over $400 combined because I run my A/C 24/7) and two months of cable (almost $400 combined because we also have the high-speed cable internet and some advanced packages). I even paid on some credit cards that had already been paid for the month and while they have a balance, they didn't have anything currently due.

DAMN, that felt GOOOOD. Almost as good as nakeysub's tongue between my legs. *LOL*

See, I'm not a huge shopper, frankly. I'm not a "material girl" which is odd because I am a Taurus and we do have a lot of crap in our house (mostly books and craft-related stuff). But I spent a LOT of years in literal poverty with ex-assholio where we'd literally be rolling pennies and other change to get gas money, so being able to look at that looong list of $0 balance dues just... gives me a pleasant shiver all over my body.

Add to that, this morning we're stopping by the bank to see if I can access that money yet with the debit card (or cash a check) so I can get the laptop TODAY (SQUEE!!), we're going out for pancake coma, then I'm getting another massage from Dom K (of course it's a vanilla massage, DUH) but I have a feeling nakeysub will be pouring my puddle of happy, relaxed flesh into the car later today. I'm soooo looking forward to the new laptop! I love this one, a Toshiba Satellite that's been great, but it's at the point it takes 5 minutes to boot up (longer on battery) and is clogged down. It's been beat to hell and back and I literally have wear spots on either side of the touch pad from my wrists. (It gets used like a desktop and is usually on from 7a.m. to about 11p.m. every day.) I can't get rid of it because it's got a lot of software on it I still need, which is the reason I can't just do a full hard system wipe and start over (I can't find some of the software CDs, I've apparently lost them).

But it'll be a good back-up unit. Eventually I'm going to get rid of all our desktops (teenaged child still has one, I have one in the living room that my printer is hooked to, and we have an old one I need to yank the hard drives on and copy the contents to an external flash drive so I can get rid of it because it's obsolete but we need the old data).

I'm so happy! *squee!*

nakeysub will have the assignment this weekend of giving me his "toy" list for my approval. He's been told ONLY pick things he wants me to use on him (because they WILL be used on him *LOL*). Definitely getting a Feeldoe. (Did I spell that right?) I've really had my eye on one of those for a while now.

That's like a whole 'nother post. When nakeysub first mentioned strap-on play to me, I'll admit I was like, uh, okay, back the truck up dude, we need to talk. Not because I was against anal (I'm not) but because I wasn't sure I was comfortable "wearing" something like that. Well, I gradually warmed to the idea (I'll have to do a whole post on that) and now I'm like, "Dude, I sooooo want to fuck your ass!" *LOL*

Which I'm sure amuses the hell out of nakeysub to no end. He sits there with that cute little smirk and twinkle in his eyes that silently tells me, "See, I told you so," without saying it. (Because he'd get his ass smacked if he really said it.)

And next Friday I'm driving to Jax to pick up BFF and self-described subbie sexy/semi-slut S (aka BFF&S-DSS/S-SS) and let the fun begin! She's going to help me get all "girlie" at the mall *LOL* and then we're taking her to the local Munch on Sunday. This'll be a sort of mini vacation for her, take her over to see the west coast beaches for a few days, show her around the area, all that good stuff.

nakeysub was a little frowny in the face because I told him at first it would mean no nakey weekend. *LOL* I said well, let's play it by ear. She might not be comfortable with you being nakeysub-ish outside of a play party scenario. (Remember, she's in the lifestyle too.)

It's going to be a wild week! *G*

Woot! Payday!

2009-05-01T08:13:00.002-04:00

Yes, today is nakeysub's payday, but more importantly, in my email last night was my royalty statement from one of my publishers...

WOOT!

I had an idea how much it was going to be for, just wasn't sure if it'd be more than I thought it would be because of third-party sales or not. A little more, but I suspect some of what is on there won't actually be paid out until next quarter. (If you don't know, royalty statements can be tricky to decipher sometimes.)

Now I'm eagerly waiting for that deposit to hit my checking account. Hahahahaha! (*muwahahaha!*) This means I can get my new laptop. I can get the aforementioned boots and girlie dresses (for me, duh), and most importantly...

TOYS! *evil muwahahaha*

Oh, yes, nakeysub and I have accumulated quite the wish list for adult toys, including floggers and paddles and strap-ons (oh my!) and various sundry other things.

Yes, a good chunk of my check is going to paying off bills and into savings, but it's time for a little FUN!

I'm gonna feel real purdy...

2009-04-30T07:20:00.005-04:00

Without teenaged child home last night, nakeysub was able to be nakeysub.

Ahhhh.

I had sent him an "assignment" earlier in the day, a few links to a catalog store (Pyramid Collection) for some girlie dresses and even a pair of boots. (For ME, duh.) I told him he needed to look and see if he liked them, and to feel free to reply with any other items from the site that he might also like to see me in.

I should mention that I am the last person that will ever be called a "girlie girl." I'm not butch, and in fact I've been told (not to sound like a narcissistic bitch) that I look feminine, beautiful and elegant when I'm dressed up. But the thing is, frankly? I'm lazy. And I prefer comfort and function to form. I also wear my food well, and if I manage to get a pair of pantyhose on me without ripping a hole into them, it's a miracle worthy of Papal notice.

We have six dogs. I work from home. Do you honestly think I put on make-up all the time? (No.) Do you think I dress up? (No. In fact, my Spongebob Squarepants pjs are one of my "work uniforms.") I don't have many dressy clothes. I have shorts and jeans and when I find something I like that fits well, I usually buy several in different colors. I have I think four dresses (two of which are black), and a few skirts but nothing "fancy." When I worked in a store that required me to dress up, I did. I don't like tight clothes, and since I'm not hugely endowed "upstairs" when I do wear a bra it's usually a sports bra (although I have a couple of dressy push-up bras for special occasions like funerals). I even wore *gasp* make-up. But I've always been a powder, blush, colored lip gloss kind of girl. I frankly feel self-conscious trying to put on make-up. I even at one point was having my nails done (before I went to work at a job that made acryllic nails impractical and I never got back to doing it).

I can, however, change my own tire and oil if need be, I've TWICE done emergency brake caliper replacements in parking lots at night (I used to hold ASE certification in brakes). I can rebuild an engine. I replaced the sink and vanity in teenaged child's bathroom when it needed it. I replaced my ceiling fans. I installed two separate 20 amp circuit breakers and external outlets so nakeysub could light up the neighborhood at Christmas with his lawn menagerie. I got certified as a Master Gardener.

Get the picture?

Well, BFF and self-described subbie sexy/semi-slut S (aka BFF&S-DSS/S-SS) is a "girlie girl." We were joking last night that since I helped her find and permanently implant her spine, she can definitely help me in the "pretty" department and I'll help her learn how to check her oil and change her tires. *LOL* BFF&S-DSS/S-SS is a lot like me that most of her friends over the years have been guys, so honestly? She's the first close friend I've had that's my own age (and not like my mom's age) that's a "girlie girl" who I can go to and say, "HELLLLLPPPP!!!!"

Once I got onto the subject of boots with nakeysub, (the only pair I have is one of those rubber ones you use for wet nasty work, like, oh, cleaning cages at an animal shelter) his face lit up and Mr. Happy got really interested too. So come to find he's dying to see me in a pair of stilletto-heeled boots.

I should mention I'm not really great in high heels.

I asked him if "boots" were on his kink list (he's going to sit down with me and redo it this weekend). He said no, but now it needs to be, and he said this is another reason why he needs my help because he wasn't sure what "boots" referred to on the list. *LOL* But when we hit on a pair of thigh-thigh boots that lace up the front....

RRRRooowwarrr.

I joked he'd have to sit at a party and take care of my boots and feet and he nearly nodded his head off his shoulders. When I said he'd have to have a ritual of helping me get ready, helping me lace up the boots, he was nearly ecstatic.

Hmmm. (That's a good hmm, by the way.)

I have to admit, the thought of dressing up in an appropriately slutty/dominatrix kind of way for a party is appealing. So I spent some time last night perusing leather bustiers (I don't think I'd be comfortable in a corset, it would make me FAR too bitchy *LOL*) and short dresses and skirts and things like that.

nakeysub was close to drooling by the time we finished. And I'll have to admit it made me feel good.

Thusly primed, he made no complaint whatsoever when I sat up on the couch and spread my legs and pointed to the floor in front of me. He dove between my legs and...

le sigh! (Normally I prefer to go to bed and not do anything out in the living room, between the bird mocking my...ahem...passionate noises and six doggie noses and pairs of eyes sitting there staring at us.)

Then nakeysub had to put on his robe and walk the dogs. *LOL* (No, literally, he had to walk our six dogs. *LOL*) After, we went to bed and I let him finish what we'd started. Now I'm looking forward to next week, when I get a royalty check and I can get bills paid off and do some...SHOPPING! (I never thought I'd ever be excited to shop for clothes!)

Deep breaths.

2009-04-29T07:31:00.004-04:00

So nakeysub and I had a good, productive talk last night. He admitted with all the stress we've got going on right now, both personally and professionally, that maybe I was right from the start to want to take things more slowly than he did (he wanted to jump in with both feet). We agree that we don't want to drop 24/7, because we enjoy it, and he understands he needs to realistically balance his professional obligations and stress with his desires to serve and obey.

Whew.

He apologized for not paying better attention and says he now understands better what I've been talking about and promises to do a better job in that area, and in communicating to me when he's stressed. What we've agreed is that on weekends, unless there's a work-related emergency he has to attend to, we will still be completely 24/7. During the week, he will make a concerted effort to do what he can do, but he will clearly communicate to me if he's got a job-related priority that he has to take care of, or if he's feeling stressed he will talk to me about it instead of letting things fester. In other words, still 24/7 unless his job needs his attention.

Double whew. That's progress. And frankly, I don't want him to neglect his job duties, because that would heap even MORE stress on him as well as put his job at risk, and we can't afford that. So it's an easy no-brainer compromise for me to make. And frankly? It takes a huge heaping of guilt off MY plate that I'm adding stress to him.

(I should clarify that the tantrum he had the other night, it wasn't directed AT me -- he's always been good about that. It was himself getting frustrated with things not working, he's never taken things out on me like that. But still hearing him sitting there and swearing at the computer and the huffy sighs and grumbles irritates the crap out of me. *LOL* It's a tantrum for him, but for example, had it been ex-assholio it would have been an all-out screaming match between us. So on the grand scale of things, it wasn't a huge tantrum like some might think, sorry about that.)

I don't see this as a step backward, actually. I see it as a HUGE step forward, him actively breaking down this wall he's had that he didn't ever truly see before. And he's more devoted than ever to working long-term to maintain this lifestyle. The fact that we do both want this, and we are both willing to negotiate and adjust as needed to make this work (and keep working) is a good thing. And this also means that instead of me needing more "down times" to decompress, it will allow ME to stay in the Dominant role more. Again, another good thing.

Grrr.

2009-04-28T07:26:00.004-04:00

Well, nakeysub had a bit of an emotional blow-up last night. I should explain that he's never been patient with technology, and when something goes wrong, it only makes him upset and tends to blow his concentration. Then it goes rapidly downhill from there.

Add to the fact that we've got a loved one in the hospital, and it didn't help.

Rather than coming to me and saying, "I need to step out of my role," or, "I need your help," tonight, he basically threw a tempter tantrum.

I should add that 1) these do not set well with me, 2) they give me flashbacks to ex-assholio (although nakeysub is NOTHING like ex-assholio), and 3) combined with the experience last week in Ohio, it did not put me in a good mood at all.

He couldn't get the kink checklist form to email to me. I looked at it and TOLD him that he'd filled it out wrong, for starters. I gave him specific instructions on how I wanted it filled out, to use the Yes/No column NOT as they indicated, but to indicate what he WANTED to do, and to use No as a "no way in hell" item. Of course, he had several answers marked "No" but with rating numbers. He said he'd do it again, and he did. (Keep in mind, this was CLEARLY stated in my email to him.)

STILL wrong. He did the SAME fucking THING. After I'd TOLD him he did it wrong the first time. That means he not only didn't listen to me, but that he didn't read my email to him with the instructions. Or if he read it, he just glanced through it and didn't bother to make sure he understood. He never asked me for clarification after he read it, never said to me, "Okay, let me make sure I understand." Nothing.

You know, I RAISED one child. Teenaged child is finally at the age where I can stand back and let them blossom as a young adult. I have NO desire to raise another child. This is a consistent problem nakeysub has, that while he is very detailed-oriented at work and damn good at his job, it seems like when I talk to him all that comes out of my mouth is the Charlie Brown teacher waa-waa noise. Frankly, I have no idea how to break through that.

One of my hopes was that by taking up this lifestyle, that aspect would improve and he would learn to listen to me better, to actually hear me. I thought MAYBE this is the way to take care of that issue. Because if I have one complaint about nakeysub, THIS is it. (And it's not the only instance, this is just the latest in a LOOOOOONG line of, "You never told me that" (yes, I did), "How do I do this?" (for the ONE HUNDREDTH FUCKING TIME, the same way we ALWAYS do it), etc. and I'm TIRED of it. I'm TIRED of feeling like the ONLY one in his life that he doesn't listen to when he can practically recite minutae about his job or tell me meaningless bullshit about college football! I'M SICK OF IT!!!!

I WROTE THE FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS DOWN!!!

This is a man who, when sent to the store once for REAL butter (I specifically stated do NOT bring me back margarine, bring me back REAL BUTTER) he brings me -- I shit you not -- "I Can't Believe it's Not Butter." (Not Parkay, not Shedds Spread.)

Needless to say, I went to bed pretty upset last night and I'm still not in a very fucking good mood this morning. Fuck.

He knew it too, because he was all over me like white on rice this morning, all lovey-dovey. And I know he's under stress, and that's fine. That's why he's SUPPOSED to say, "I need down time," and I would GLADLY give it to him. It's the telling me he wants to do one thing and then I do it for him and it feels like he's fucking fighting me tooth and nail all at the same time he's begging for me to do it.

FUCK! I mean, I cooked dinner last night, and I even did dishes before hand without complaint. I didn't harass him about that. Then for him to throw a tantrum AFTER he totally ignored my instructions just really pissed me off. Maybe this is why some women take the uber-bitch route.

Maybe I'm whining. I don't fucking care. I'll admit I'm a dominant woman. I embrace that. But I never felt a need to "dominate" my husband. So when he asked to go down this path, I was okay with doing it for him. And I'll admit there were parts of it that appealed to me as well.

But it's SHIT like this that pisses me off and really makes me want to tell him to shove his submissive crap up his ass (and not in a good, fun way) and I'll be honest about that. This is SSDD we're talking about. If I wanted SSDD, I wouldn't have embarked on a TPE with him.

Guess what? I'm not even PMS'ing right now. HA! That's how upset I am this morning.

I'm hoping I'm calm by tonight. Teenaged child won't be home, and maybe nakeysub and I can sit down and talk. I don't know how much more clear I can be to him. And I won't sit here for years trying to drag him someplace he told me he wants to go, and frankly that's what it feels like. I'd rather settle back into our vanilla life and just go to the occasional play party if this is what it's going to be. It's not fucking worth the extra aggravation in my life trying to be his Mistress if this one fucking aspect of our lives is never going to change.

I don't know what else to do. Seriously. When I write down a clear set of instructions, and basically he ignores them, TWICE, after being TOLD the first time he did it wrong, then that means I'm apparently missing something in the equation. Maybe I'm doing it wrong. I don't know.

Grrr.

Thinking (could be dangerous).

2009-04-27T22:00:00.000-04:00

I'm thinking about adding a new section to nakeysub's daily list. I've seen where some FLR/WLMs (and many M/s ones) have "contracts." That's not totally practicaly in our case. I mean, we ARE married. What more do I need?

But I'm thinking that maybe seeing a daily, tangible reminder of the way things are might help nakeysub's mental state.

We already have a rule that he is never allowed to have an orgasm if I'm not around. Period. End of subject. Not that this has ever been a problem for us in the past, but I think him hearing me state it outright is a huge turn-on for him.

I was thinking about adding a few lines such as, "All parts of nakeysub, including mouth, hands, cock, balls, and ass, belong to Mistress and are there for her use as she desires in any way she desires." Or, "nakeysub will be expected, barring illness/injury/evil day job crisis, to service Mistress sexually in any way she so desires or demands until she declares herself satisfied."

I'm wondering how that will spin his brain? *LOL*

Weekend recap.

2009-04-27T07:31:00.003-04:00

What a great weekend. Although I spent more of it exhausted than I'd like, I started implementing more of what nakeysub stated in his writing assignment about wanting me to take more control. A little tricky with teenaged child at home. nakeysub spent a lot of his free time doing laundry and other household tasks I normally wouldn't push him to do.

And yes, I'll admit I felt a twinge of guilt.

I'm sure I'll get over it.

I also took what was rightfully mine to take each night after we went to bed.

Believe me, THAT part I didn't feel a damn bit guilty about because the man rocks my world and never fails me.

BFF and self-described subbie sexy/semi-slut S (aka BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS) has hit the reeeeaallly pissed off stage, although she admits that the Totally Shithouse Rat-Crazy Asshole scares her. If she does have to return to Ohio for the divorce, she'll have at least three of us (myself and husband and wife friends of hers -- and the guy is HUGE from what I understand) returning with her. It was nice chatting with her this weekend and seeing the strong woman she'd become had returned. She's got a wild emotional ride ahead of her, no doubt, but from what I'm seeing now, the positive changes already, she'll come out on the other side of this a stronger person able to freely enjoy her life without the constant fear over her head.

I'm nervously anticipating nakeysub's next assignment. Is he going to surprise me? Shock me? I ordered him to be totally honest, so we'll see what happens. I'm keeping my mind open.

I spent a little time looking through some other FLR and male-sub blogs over the weekend, and part of me was thinking dammit, why didn't I find these when WE first started this? And part of me was thinking even some of what they're writing about is still further "out there" than we're doing, and...I'll admit it gave me a few ideas of things to possibly explore in our own lives.

Dominant woman doesn't automatically equate with overbearing bitch. And part of me struggles with the habits I've kept for the past decade to NOT run rough-shod over my sweet husband. I know I have to temper the control I have with a loving but firm hand and find a good balance that will allow both of us to enjoy this new way of life.

Check...

2009-04-26T23:00:00.002-04:00

Well, I've given nakeysub another assignment, to fill out the cheklist at: http://www.thebrc.net/check_list/default.htm and send it back to me.

I also told him to be totally honest.

This could be eye-opening.

"Outed."

2009-04-26T15:29:00.002-04:00

Well, I finally "outed" myself and nakeysub today to an old friend, C, a man I've known since we were both in high school, dated, survived a break-up, and he's my oldest, dearest friend. He sort of knows BFF and self-described subbie sexy/semi-slut S (aka BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS) through IM and email, having been introduced by me, but they're just friends. He knew about the trip up north and rather than totally rewrite the blog entry, I just bit the bullet and decided to share the blog link with him.

When I chatted with him via IM this morning, I said, okay, before I send this link to you, I need to "out" myself.

"Oookkaaaay," he says.

*LOL*

When I admitted I was now nakeysub's Domme, C was like, "I'm not really surprised." *LOL*

Smartass.

Of course his comment was about ME, not nakeysub. C was the only friend of mine ex-assholio wasn't able to run off, and he helped nakeysub early on with me to keep me safe around ex-assholio.

(And believe me, I was EXTREMELY relieved when C told me he liked nakeysub! *LOL* Because he despised ex-assholio. That should have been a clue, let me tell you what.)

In a way it was sort of a relief to have someone else "real life" that knows us outside of the lifestyle know what's going on. And C is definitely an understanding sort of guy when it comes to this kind of stuff. And he, like everyone else, now wants a whack at BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS' soon-to-be-ex (aka Totally Shithouse Rat-Crazy Asshole).

There are very few people I can out ourselves to, frankly. Because of nakeysub's job and because of where we live, it's not practical. (It would rank a -7.9 on the dumbass scale, let's just leave it at that.) And part of that isolation is kind of tough. Fortunately, now, we are making friends in the lifestyle locally, and they are great people. So we are building that type of support net. But meanwhile, we're still a little adrift.

It's good to have friends.

Little bits and pieces.

2009-04-25T18:13:00.006-04:00

I'm still physically and emotionally recovering from the drive home from Ohio. I'm not an old pharte, but I'm no spring chicken either, and sleep deprivation (not to mention the stress we were under) takes a lot out of me now. Add to the equation that teenaged child is home this weekend and not at ex-assholio's, and it's been rather bland in the nakeysub household.

I did, however, make sure this morning when we went out for "pancake coma" that I ordered for nakeysub without asking what he wanted. He got a little twinkle in his eye at that. Later at home I told him he would be servicing me tonight. I mentioned that since in his writing assignment he stated he wanted more dominating, I would be happy to oblige.

Ahhhh. It's good ta be da Domme!

On one of the sites I'm on there's a discussion going on regarding Dom/mes who want to sub to someone else, what their subs thought about it. It amazes me that some subs are totally freaked out by that possibility.

(Note: Since nakeysub and I are first and foremost married, and because of a whole lot of trust issues I have -- mainly that I would ONLY trust nakeysub -- the only person I would ever sub to would be nakeysub.)

When nakeysub and I first formalized our 24/7 TPE, I flat-out told him there WOULD be times he would be expected to step out of "sub" role and back into "husband" role because I am not some all powerful robot super-Domme uber-bitch. I am a human being. And I also made it crystal clear to him that if he needed to step out of the sub role, he needs to say so and of course we'll do it.

Maybe some people can maintain a 100% "up" dominant mode. I am not one of those people. It's a lot of work being in charge all the time, frankly. Some days it's easier than others to maintain it. And it's not a cut and dry situation either. For example, nakeysub agreed that had he been in Ohio with us when my friend's husband started in, there would have been a fight because NO order from me would have kept him in his place. He will never tolerate someone treating me and her like that. (Gods, I LOVE this man, did I ever mention that?) So does that make him less submissive for protecting me even if he disobeys a direct order from me in the process?

I mean sure, in a perfect world, I could spend all day doing exactly what I want and nakeysub would run around nakey and taking care of my every whim at the snap of my fingers.

HA! (excuse me while I finish laughing)

He has a job. A damn good job that pays well and allowed me the freedom to pursue my career in the process. He cannot up and quit it. We have teenaged child around most of the time (when not at ex-assholio's house). I have to work and take care of what I have to take care of. We need family time, relationship time, and other obligations must be seen to.

In there, somewhere, is our TPE. Which, while yes it can overlap in certain ways, like nakeysub's day collar and having him do little things that are safe and vanilla but still have him express his submission to me, it isn't the 100% main focus of our life at this time. It can't be. Not unless I hit Powerball numbers. (Then watch out world!) We do work as much of it into our "vanilla" life as we can. And yes, in a couple of years when nakeysub is eligible for retirement, and if we can afford for him to retire, he will be able to do a lot more nakesub-ish tasks.

I feel sorry for Doms under pressure to live up to unrealistic expectations of subs who expect a "textbook perfect" dominant. I'm not saying all Doms feel they need downtime or need to submit to someone else. That's not what I'm saying at all. But if my husband had come to me and refused to negotiate on this issue and refused to see my humanity and see my needs in this situation (in other words, been a selfish subbie) then I never could have walked this path with him, frankly. But my occasional need to let go and just BE for a while in no way diminishes my dominance over nakeysub or my primary role as his dominant.

And frankly, in my opinion, if a sub TRULY wants to be submissive to a dominant, it means they submit in ALL ways, and the dom's rule is law, no? Therefore, if they want the "perfect" dominant it means they must accept whatever the dominant wants or else they're topping from the bottom by demanding their dominant never submits to anyone else.

But the objecting subs admit it's a double-standard on their part. *LOL*

Ugh.

I think this is probably a main reason why a lot of TPE relationships DO fail long-term, because one or the other isn't able to be flexible on a huge point like that.

And see, I think subs probably need "down time" sometimes too. Maybe not all of them, but I know if nakeysub's got a lot of stressful stuff going on at work, sometimes he needs "subbie" time and sometimes he needs "hubbie" time. And personally, as his dominant, to me that means I take care of his needs. It doesn't bother me that he will want non-sub time.

I know, I'm rambling. (That's how tired I am, if you couldn't tell.)

Thoughts? Opinions?

nakeysub Writing Assignment 3 - Fantasies

2009-04-24T17:00:00.000-04:00

Here's the third writing assignment I gave nakeysub to do.

Due: by Wednesday bedtime, 4/22.

Length: up to you

Topic: honest fantasy you haven't divulged to Mistress yet about something you'd like to do, do to me, or have me do to you.

Again, I'd planned on being home when I assigned this to him, so sorry it's being posted late.

Fantasies

Over the years, I've been comfortably sharing fantasies with my Mistress. Since we've entered the M/s relationship 24/7, there are some additional fantasies that have occurred to me that I haven't shared with her yet.

When we're at home, she loves to fondle me and asks if I have any objections to being objectified by her (no, I don't). At one of the first parties we attended, Mistress was sitting in a chair while she had me standing in front of her, rubbing her foot against my crotch. I would love it if Mistress had me strip at a party so she could play with me at her pleasure while talking with other people. Having a leash attached to my cock ring to lead me around as she desires further adds to the objectification.

Another fantasy has her telling me some night to go get my leash and bring it to her. She attaches it to the small ring on my cock strap then tells me to go sit by the door. Gathering her things, she collects me as well and leads me outside to the Element and cuffs my hands behind the seat and blindfolds me. Mistress then proceeds to take me for a ride to an isolated spot where she plays with me for awhile but not letting me cum. After she feels she's tormented me enough, we return home, but instead of coming into the house, Mistress takes the seat I was in and has me take her in the driveway.

I'm sure more fantasies will develop as we go on and I promise to share them with you.

The one about the roadtrip and the Totally Shithouse Rat-Crazy Asshole.

2009-04-24T12:21:00.011-04:00

Hoookay. Where to start. This was an eventful week in the nakeysub household. As I mentioned yesterday, BFF and self-described subbie sexy/semi-slut S (aka BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS) has left her soon to be ex husband after 23+ years of assholishness on his part, henceforth this man has earned the nickname Totally Shithouse Rat-Crazy Asshole (aka TSR-CA).

(Side Note: BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS' self-issued moniker is one she gave herself just recently after leaving her husband. But part of it, the "semi-slut" phrase, is more of a joke than reality, because she's ONLY been with two guys - one guy she lost her virginity to, and her husband. That's IT. She never cheated on her husband either. In fact, she begged off what would have been her first real play party because she wanted to wait until after she'd gotten her stuff moved so it wouldn't feel like she was cheating on him. She wanted that emotional closure. So to call her a "slut" and mean it is to be a total asshole and not know her, because she's anything but that in real life. Although in her mind, however... *LOL* And yes, she does read this blog.)

Mind you, I'd never met this tool before in my life. BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS came down to visit her parents in Jax about six weeks ago and after confessing how bad things were with him, the emotional and mental abuse, etc., we all convinced her to NOT go back. Well, fine in principle, except she needed to get her stuff and her cat. I told her since I have a Honda Element, that I'd tow a U-Haul trailer up for her, and we could get all her stuff and bring it back. (She was only taking one small piece of furniture in addition to personal items, they had an apartment, not a house.)

(Note: In email, while sometimes being a jerk, he hadn't made any threats and seemed fine with the fact that she'd decided she wanted to leave him. He'd apparently been making "jokes" about divorcing her for a while now, so we all suspect he did want a divorce but didn't have the balls to admit it and wanted to be able to blame her for the whole thing. Even BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS' COUNSELLOR told her that her decision to leave him was a long time coming and a damn good thing!)

First question, of course, out of my mouth was, "Does he own a gun?" If the answer had been yes, we would not have gone and I would have arranged with local relatives of nakeysub's in Ohio to get the cat from BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS' adult daughter and then gone up to get the cat at a later time. Assured he didn't have a gun and had never actually hit BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS (although he'd thrown things at her a couple of times) the plan changed when her attorney sent her the first draft of the divorce papers and realized by court formula, she's entitled to a goodly chunk of alimony. (And she deserves it for a variety of reasons I don't need to go into. Let's leave it at the fact that it wasn't excessive under the circumstances, it was the court-ordered standard formula, and considering how much the fucking tool makes in the first place he can damn well afford it.)

So she called me on Monday evening and asked if we could go sooner, like fly up. I said we can go whenever you want to go, even tomorrow. (Perk of being a writer, I can set my own hours. *LOL*) She asked if I'd fly (she knows my intense hatred of flying) and I said if she bought the ticket, I would fly for her under the circumstances.

By 10:30 Monday night, it's arranged we're flying out of Jax (I live about four hours from there) around 1pm Tuesday. Flash-forward through the montage of me packing light so I don't have to check anything, trying to wrap up a few things, and not sleeping well. I roll out of my driveway a little after 4am to drive to Jax.

(Note: I am NOT a northern person. I am a Florida native. I've never lived anywhere but here. I have never even SEEN real snow. 'K? Got the picture?)

Fortunately for me, I had dressed in jeans and on the way out the door I happened to pick up nakeysub's heavy denim jacket that I wear to hockey games to keep warm. THANK THE GODDESS I DID! We walked off the plane in Columbus and I was FREEZING MY FUCKING ASS OFF.

BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS and I had agreed that she'd keep me from going batshit on the planes (we had to transfer in Atlanta, welcome to Hell, please put your tray tables in the upright position) and once we got on the ground in Ohio, I'd hold her together. Grabbed a taxi to the truck rental place.

Okay, here's a sign from the Universe if I've ever seen one. We are at this point over 1,100 miles from MY home, got it? Parked IN FRONT OF THE DOOR of the truck place is a mini van with OH plates...BUT THE DEALER DECAL ON THE BACK IS FROM THE LOCAL DEALERSHIP WHERE I BUY MY VEHICLES, TEN MINUTES FROM MY HOUSE!!!!

IN FLORIDA!!!

I point this out to her. At first BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS thinks I'm pointing at the back window to the Brutus Buckeye decal where he's pissing on a Micigan M, but I said no, THIS, and pointed at the dealer logo decal and her jaw dropped. Inside, we found out the van belonged to the lady who wrote up the rental for us, she bought it at an auction locally.

We get the truck (I have a light commercial license left over from my days married to ex-assholio, so driving a large truck or RV is no problem for me) and as we're pulling out and going down the road, the nasty, cold, dreary rain suddenly stops and I am NOT shitting you, this blue patch opens and we see a rainbow.

BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS looks up at the sky and yells, "OKAY, I get it! I'm doing the right thing! Point made!" *LOL*

Immediately after, it got dark and rainy again.

Well, TSR-CA had agreed to spend the night with one of his friends so we could get everything loaded. So I go in with BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS and she has the obligatory teary reunion with her 20 year-old daughter. Who, five minutes later (the kid has had her NAILS freshly done, was SHOWING OFF HER NEW HAIRDO) starts hitting up BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS for money for cigarettes and all other sorts of bullshit because her dad won't give it to her. (Neither myself nor BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS smoke either.)

Oh yes, it went downhill from there.

BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS is already shaking at this point (no fucking wonder she needed to take anti-anxiety meds and had panic attacks with all this craziness going on) and within an hour two things are crystal clear to me: she had FAR less shit to pack than I thought she did, and if I didn't get her out of there ASAP she was going to lose her fucking mind and what little self-confidence she had gained while being away from that crazy place.

BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS had gotten an emergency doctor appointment for the next morning to get refills on her meds. I said great, we can pull out of here and head for home immediately after.

"Really?" The sheer look of hope on her face sealed it for me. Originally we'd planned on leaving by Friday morning. (At this point it's Tuesday night and after just a few hours we're almost completely packed and loaded.)

Let me backtrack for a moment. BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS is my FRIEND. Just because she's a sub, she's not MY sub. I do not treat her like a sub, because she's my FRIEND. (She's also one of my editors, but that's neither here nor there.) Actually, we joke we're twins because our lives have taken such parallel courses in many ways and we are so much alike in a lot of ways.

I left ex-assholio about 13 or so years ago now. And it was rough going. I knew what she'd been through, I understood, and I was coming at the situation from having LITERALLY been where she was (without the 20 year-old daughter demanding money, because teenaged child of mine was just a baby child at that point).

And I was carefully watching BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS' demeanor and behavior, and here was a woman who had spent the past several weeks happy and I could see the positive change in her from when she arrived at her parents' to when we flew out that morning, all dissolving within minutes of being around her daughter and some of daughter's friends. Her hands were shaking, her whole posture changed, her voice trembled.

So the plan was to get her to the doctor and leave. The next morning (Wednesday) as exhausted as we were, we ran late and she couldn't get her shower (I'd grabbed mine because I hadn't had one since Monday night, ick.). We changed the plan to come back to the apartment immediately after the doctor's appointment, get the cat, BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS could get her shower, and then leave.

We're pulling into the parking lot after the doctor's appointment, and I see a guy walking in the front door.

BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS almost started hyperventilating.

Bracing myself, I followed her inside, he was upstairs. Now, let me add a little more background information. I'm 5'8", and 180 pounds (I'm in shape...pear IS a shape). I'm a big girl, I'm a strong girl. I'm not obese, I'm not butch, but I'm not flying away in a stiff breeze either. I have a "presence." *LOL* BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS is a couple inches shorter than me and with a very light frame.

Also, keep in mind, I am a DOMINANT WOMAN.

Add to this the fact that I have a lot of background in counselling women who've been in abusive relationships with shithouse rat-crazy assholes. And I'm a writer, so I'm pretty good at studying people.

TSR-CA walks downstairs, and you know how you sometimes size someone up as an asshole or a tool or a jerk or a motherfucker? This one immediately pinged on my radar as crazy motherfucker. High end of the scale.

I know when to speak and when to keep my piehole shut so the situation doesn't escalate. He didn't even look at me, didn't introduce himself. (Both BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS and I hoped he'd put on a "poor me nice guy" act to try to make her look like a cold heartless bitch. No such luck.)

I immediately started gathering things together and put them by the front door so we could make a fast exit, but I couldn't get the cat because I would have had to go past him and upstairs to find her, and no way in fucking hell was I leaving BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS alone with him. (And we'd already previously agreed I would not let her out of my sight around him.)

He starts in on her immediately. Everything was her fault, how could she do this, blah blah blah. Never once did he tell her he loved her. Never once did he ask if there was anything he could do to try to change her mind or work things out. (He'd previously claimed he did not want the divorce. Even then he said he didn't want it, but he NEVER, not ONCE did he ever ask if there was a way to work it out. Even ex-assholio up until the day or so before I left asked if he could talk me out of leaving, if that tells you anything.)

And I'm seriously beginning to worry for BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS by this point. She'd gone totally white, shaking horribly, her voice trembling. I'm concerned she's going into shock or close to it. I still didn't say anything, just stood there and watched her.

He's towering over her (he's about 6'4" or so but like a fucking beanpole even though he works out) and screaming at her. At one point he asks her something, and she couldn't remember the answer, and I said TO HER (not to him, not even looking at him) in a very soft tone of voice, what the answer was to help her, and he immediately fucking looks at me and screams, "I wasn't TALKING to YOU, you fucking bitch! I'm trying to have a private conversation with my FUCKING wife! You get the FUCK out of my face!" (And mind you, I was over ten feet from him, hadn't moved toward him at all.)

That's when my assesment of "crazy motherfucker" readjusted to "totally shithouse rat-crazy asshole." And honestly? Yes, a moment of fear hit me. I was feeling flashbacks to some of my many countless fights with ex-assholio. My fear was more for BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS' safety at that point than my own, however. And yes, safety issues about domestic violence escalation were running through my head and I had already identified at least five potential defense weapons I could grab, and had two planned escape routes for us out of the house.

I'm a dominant, not a fucking egotistical moron, okay?

Fortunately, a round dining room table separated me from him. I looked at him and also realized I could NOT turn my back on him because he would have immediately come after me right then if I had. But I didn't back down either. I said, SOFTLY, "It's okay. There's no problem here. We'll be leaving in a minute."

That was like tossing napalm on things. (Thank the Goddess I didn't go for snark.) He starts screaming at me and trying to come around the table to get to me. BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS puts herself between us. I didn't move, didn't take my eyes off him. He's posturing, trying to tower over me, this fucking apparently scary look on his face that always terrified BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS before and I guess he thought would cow me. It was obvious that he didn't know how to react when I still didn't move. He screams, "You come into my home and DISRESPECT me, you fucking bitch? You keep your goddamned mouth to yourself or get the fuck out!"

Well, the "disrespect" trigger right there told me a lot. I WANTED to say, "Listen you fucking pussy coward asshole, you don't get jack shit repsect from me unless you fucking EARN it."

Needless to say, I DIDN'T say that. In fact, all I'd said OUT LOUD to him is what I've already reported. So in his mind, he's already totally blown this up and he's LOOKING for a fight with me. Again, that tells me a lot.

(Side note: That's a nice, cowardly asshole who will talk to and treat a woman like that, huh? I have nakeysub and a couple of male friends who would love a whack at his sorry ass, but I digress. It's probably a damn good thing nakeysub wasn't with us, because he would have gotten in this guy's face over talking to me like that, and there would have been a fight if he'd taken a swing at my husband.)

BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS is practically in hysterics at this point, she's begging him to calm down and back off. I never dropped eye contact with the guy, didn't blink. I kept my voice low and calm and said, "We'll be out of here in just a couple of minutes. Calm down." But again, I didn't back down. He's still fucking posturing and I know that it had to throw him for a loop when I didn't move or blink or cower from him in fear. He had never encountered a lowly woman who didn't back down under his supposedly scary act, I guess.

Well, he'd never met ME before. (He had no idea I was a Domme, either. See, he's not a Dom, he would sometimes indulge BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS' bedroom fantasies on occasion when it suited him, but he is NOT a Dom of any kind or by any definition.)

The only reason I didn't get into it with him was at that point I was more worried about BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS' safety and mental state and getting her out safely. Yes, I know some of you are shaking your heads and yelling at me for not worrying about MY safety. My priority was her, getting her out in one piece and safe. I guess in that way you could make the argument that I was sort of treating her like my sub to get the situation under control and get her out of there.

She backs away from him toward me. When she did, he apparently decided that was his face-saving movement and he backed off. I didn't move until he'd turned his back on ME. I got her moving to get her laptop and purse together. He walked away and I tried to go upstairs to get the cat, she wouldn't come to me. I started back downstairs and he's yelling at BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS again. I was standing behind him where I could see him from the stairs, he couldn't see me, and I knew BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS was out of hitting distance on the other side of the living room. I programmed 911 into my cell and waited with my finger hovering on the send button, keeping my eye on him and if he'd taken a step toward her, I would have dialed.

He yells at her for a few more minutes, then walks away again. I get her and hustle her upstairs, we find and corral the poor cat (who's got to be totally traumatized by this point) and before we go back downstairs I got her to look at me and I whispered, "You hold this carrier in BOTH hands, do NOT let go, and you walk straight to the front door, and you go to the truck." So we go back downstairs, I get her into the hallway in front of me, I took a moment to gather the rest of the stuff, and just herded her to the truck.

Whew.

She can barely speak by this point. She's sobbing, shaking, and I had to give her the key and have her unlock the truck because my arms were full. I didn't even bother putting the other stuff in the back, I just jammed it between the front seats and didn't even buckle my seat belt. (I NEVER drive without my seat belt, EVER, if that tells you anything.) By this point, of course, there's a horribly nasty feeling at the base of my spine, this sort of tingly tightness I recognized as not so much fear, but a warning. I was worried about him trying to come outside after us while we were getting in, but he didn't. I think I felt the most vulnerable when I had to turn my back to the front door to climb into the truck cab and didn't have a handy weapon.

I drove a short distance away and reorganized, got buckled in, etc. and at this point poor BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS keeps repeating, "I can't believe he did that...I can't believe he did that...you didn't even SAY anything to him that should have set him off...You were totally nice...I can't believe he did that."

We stopped at Wallyworld to get a cooler and some drinks and a better cat carrier (the one she had was a carboard box like you get from the shelter when you adopt) and she had to take one of her anti-anxiety meds and her hands were still shaking so badly she could barely get the bottle open.

Ah yes, fun times, that.

As we headed east on the interstate out of Columbus towards Zanesville, she talked to one of her friends and her mom and she started calming down. It's still nasty, drizzling weather. I didn't even stop to top off the tank, I just wanted to get on the road and put as much distance between us and TSR-CA as possible. I didn't think he'd try to follow us, but you can damn well believe I was constantly checking my mirrors for his car at first.

She calms down and she admits it's probably better everything happened like this. It allowed her to see that this WAS the right thing to do, and was a total reminder of why she left in the first place. She admitted if he had done the "nice guy pity me" act it would have been a lot harder on her because she would have doubted her decision and felt guilty. This way, she totally felt no guilt over leaving him.

I asked her if that's the kind of shit she normally had to put up with, she admitted there's been a lot of times he was worse that that, that was not even on the high end of the charts for him.

Fuck. Me.

I thought I had it bad with ex-assholio, but like I said, this tool makes ex-assholio look like Winnie the fucking Pooh.

As we turned south and finally crossed the bridge from OH into West Virginia, she's on the phone with another friend relating what happened, and the sky again breaks open and another rainbow appears.

I can't make this shit up, folks.

She laughs and tells her friend on the phone, who says it's the Universe telling BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS she made the right decision and it's the start of her new life. *LOL*

With the fear left behind, I focused on trying to distract her and get her laughing. The breakthrough was when we made the first gas stop and I get out to fill the thing, no idea how big the tank is, it's a 16' Penske with a huge gas Ford engine. It's windy as shit, FUCKING COLD (did I mention it was FUCKING COLD???), we're in this little valley at a gas station on a tiny side road right up against a small creek, and I pulled on nakeysub's jacket and told BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS to go ahead and pay while I prepared to get ass-raped at the pump. Then I looked at her and said, "Well, you're paying for it, so I guess you're the one actually getting ass-raped, not me."

She laughed really hard and asked how much I thought it would take. I said, "Well, probably ARRRGGGHHHH gallons, and will cost around HOLY FUCK dollars and OH SHIT cents." (I didn't know how big the tank was, I knew it had to be at least 25 or 30 gallons.)

I thought she was going to wet her pants she laughed to hard. (Did I mention I'm a snarky ballbuster?)

The rest of the trip was fairly uneventful. Lot of rain that finally let up after dark. Two tunnels (no one mentioned ANY fucking tunnels to drive through!) that I forced myself to drive through. nakeysub laughed when I told him about them and said, "Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you about the tunnels," because he's made that drive several times.

nakeysub WILL be getting his ass beat for that at some point for that, btw. I'm not "scared" of a lot. I AM however scared of driving through tunnels. (Ironically, I can drive tall bridges, no problem.) Keep in mind we do NOT HAVE TUNNELS IN FLORIDA.

The rental place told us we had to drive through all the weigh stations on the way back because of the size of the truck. Fuck. Well, the first few were closed. Then one I almost missed, but it wasn't just closed, it was apparently under construction but a lot of rigs had pulled in there to park for the night. By the time we did finally reach an open weigh station, they just waved us on through, so I don't know what all that was about. I guess they figured two women weren't hauling anything they shouldn't be. *LOL* Either that or they were sitting inside watching us and laughing at us saying, "Look Earl, we fooled another doofus in a rental truck!"

What pissed me off was usually having to repass other vehicles after going through one of these fricking stations. Ugh.

I drove straight through, lots of coffee and NoDoz, made it in 17 hours, and the rest is history. So that was my interesting week.

We brought back Conn's potato chips for nakeysub because he loves them and we can't get them in Florida, bought him a couple of OSU neckties to wear to work. Now BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS gets to decompress mentally and emotionally. She worries about the divorce, doesn't want to go back to appear if she doesn't have to, and we assured her if she did that I would go with her. (And I'll probably have a vast number of large, scary male volunteers offering to accompany us as well after they all hear what TSR-CA tried to do.)

Here's one of those interesting little bits of irony from the lifestyle. For those not in the know, if they think Dom or sadist, they assume asshole, mean person, etc. but the truth is, so far the Doms I've met in person are in total control of themselves, they aren't aggressive, etc.. This fucker was totally out of control. I will trust a Dom who is an extreme sadist over an unpredictable asshole like this who's "never hit a woman." And I know there had to be a lot going on in TSR-CA's mind, among them that I was helping BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS leave, that I wasn't cowering like BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS always did, so I became an easy target for some of his aggression as a result. We had a couple of Doms who are friends of ours emailing us while we were on the road asking if we were okay, had we left yet, all of that. (We both have BlackBerries.) In a way it's probably good there weren't any men with us on that trip. nakeysub is VERY protective of me (in a good way). Any other man who would have gone with us would have also, undoubtedly, been stepping in to back TSR-CA away from us, and would have become a target for a fight. BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS said he's a road rage incident waiting to happen because he totally loses control of himself and his behavior.

Fucking scary, that.

Then the fucker had the balls to email her yesterday after we were at her mom's, asking where a certain tax form was. He acted like nothing had happened.

She immediately emailed her lawyer about it (she called her lawyer yesterday to tell her about his raging at us to get it noted in the file). And the nice thing is, I'm really seeing BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS start to get angry about the situation now. Divorce is a grief process, and I'd been joking with her to wait until she got to the angry stage, that was the fun stage and would help her through things. *LOL*

She's there. *LOL*

I'll keep you posted as to her progress. *LOL* She's looking forward to next month's play party, that's for sure! And I did promise that in one of my books I'm working on, ironically where the heroine leaves an abusive asshole and drives across the country to her new home, I'd name the bad guy after TSR-CA because that guy dies in the end of my book. *LOL*

nakeysub Writing Assignment 2

2009-04-24T10:26:00.003-04:00

Here's the second nakeysub writing assignment. I, of course, was out of town. (I'll post about that as soon as I've had more ibuprofen to take the swelling out of my hands and can type better.)

The assignment (issued before I knew I was going out of town):

Deadline: Tuesday (4/21) night before bed.

Length: minimum 100 words, up to 500 words or so

Topic: places in our D/s relationship where you think Mistress can improve, things you wish she'd do, do differently, things you'd like to see Mistress doing/making you do on a daily basis, etc. (BE HONEST.) This will go on the nakeysub blog.

His response:

nakeysub here, alone as Mistress is in Ohio. Yet, she still exerts control over me as I'm naked, wearing my collar and my leather cock ring because that's what she expects of me. The same with these writing assignments. Ignoring them is not an option--it's what Mistress expects.

Mistress knows I have another commitment in the evenings when I get home, but it's unexpected control--like suddenly telling me last night I have three writing assignments--that I'm beginning to relish. It's the type of control that's important to me in this relationship that makes it perfectly clear who's in charge here.

Along those lines, how else can she exert her control over me?

Well...

I'm her pet, her toy, I'm hers to do with as she pleases. So she should take me any time she wishes, wherever she wants to satisfy her needs.

Too often I get away with not wearing my collars. Mistress needs to punish me in these instances, perhaps not always by spanking or flogging but in other creative ways to teach me my lesson.

Mistress should not let me get away with anything. For example, at a party last weekend where we didn't play, we were talking to a group of Doms when one of them said something to the effect of thinking of things Mistress could do to me when I piped up, "Let's not." I instantly realized my mistake and Mistress got in my face about it, but she probably should have taken more direct action, like marching me over to one of the benches, ordering me to drop my pants and taken a flogger to me.

What I'm driving at here is, I've given Mistress total control over me in our personal life. I want to see her use it more, even if it's so miniscule as raising up from bed in the morning as I'm dressing for work and telling me what to wear. And even with my other commitments, if she wants something done, that becomes my priority and i's up to me as to how I satisfy those commitments in some other way. Mistress owns me and that's what I'm expecting her to do.

Then he added this in another note:

Can I add an addendum:

Mistress has often mentioned having me stand beside her desk in front of the open sliders and windows and play with myself for her. This too is something I wish she would command me to do, plus more of ordering me to sit beside her and massage her feet. And more often, she needs to order me to strip before I come too far into the house.

Hmm. In one way it was WOW, okaaaaay. See, I have this problem. I'm too nice. *LOL* Well, okay, not exactly that problem. My problem is based upon my intimate knowledge of nakeysub's history and my history and a lot of other things, I was hesitant to go too far pushing nakeysub. I was willing to take things slowly. I was also afraid of overwhelming him.

This assignment allowed me to see he does want and need more from me in that department. (Be careful what you wish for. *LOL*) It led to a good, constructive talk, and a negotiated adjustment to what we do. We mutually agreed we'll try things out at an amped up level, and as long as it doesn't interfere with his job or other obligations, fine. If it does, he has to talk to me so we can renegotiate.

More to come.

2009-04-23T14:09:00.006-04:00

Sorry for the posting interruptus. BFF and self-described subbie sexy/semi-slut S (aka BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS) is in the middle of leaving a totally shithouse rat-crazy asshole that makes my ex-assholio look like Winnie the fucking Pooh. I had already told her I would drive her the 900+ miles (one way, so do the math for round trip) and tow a U-Haul for her to get her stuff (she came to visit her parents and didn't go back). Well, Totally Shithouse Rat-Crazy Asshole (aka TSR-CA) escalated, and BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS decided we needed to go asap. She paid to fly us one-way and since I can drive a large truck, she rented a 16' Penske so we could get everything she needed in one swoop.

So Tuesday morning we flew out. (Did I mention I do NOT fly well?) I've been offline mostly since then, so I've got a couple more nakeysub writing assignments I'll get posted. Plus I'm still not home, I'm at BFF&S-DSS/S-SSS' parents' with a 4-hour drive ahead of me still. And I'm sure you'll enjoy that tale.

24 hours awake, including a 17-hour drive, do not make for a happy Mistress. I took a 3-hour nap after we arrived this morning. So I haven't forgot you all. And you will want to hear what happens when TSR-CA meets me and realizes he can't intimidate me. LOL

nakeysub Writing Assignment:

2009-04-21T16:00:00.004-04:00

I gave nakeysub his first writing assignment for the blog. He was instructed to write about:

* Why you enjoy what we're doing.
* Where you hope it will go.
* What we aren't doing now that you'd like to explore further.

Here it is, unedited by me.

Hmmm...why do I enjoy what we're doing?

Good question. Valid question.

As Mistress has already indicated, in our 12 years of marriage we'd occasionally engage in role playing that we now both recognize were the underpinning tenets of our new M/S relationship. Occasionally, she was subservient; other times, I was the submissive one. I came to realize that I enjoyed the role of a submissive more so than the role of a dominant. I'm sensitive by nature, willing to compromise so it seems natural to me.

And the fact that I trust my Mistress enough to cede control to her...need I say more? I make decisions all day long. It's comforting knowing that when I arrive home, I've shed that authority. I now belong to someone whom I trust completely, and will do anything to please her.

While I'm not into cruelty, pain, forced feminization, animal playing, etc., I am curious to explore a lighter degree of punishment. At one party, Mistress experimented with a flogger, using it lightly, and while at first it was uncomfortable, it eventually became a turn on for me. So I would like to explore that further, but not to the point that it crosses my low pain threshold becoming so uncomfortable that it's no longer fun.

I'm more into the subservient/service role, and I'm waiting for my Mistress to begin exerting more control. For example, if you've read my list, one of the commands is she will order for us at a restaurant. The last couple of times we've been to one of favorite dining places, Mistress asked for my preference, then did order for us. I'm eagerly awaiting the day she gets my preference, then orders whatever she wants to for me. Same with exerting her authority more at parties, telling me where and when to sit, stand, etc. When I entered this relationship with her, I ceded total control to her, which means she makes the decisions and I trust her judgment completely.

I'll post more as I have him write them.

Why I started this blog.

2009-04-21T09:00:00.004-04:00

The first reason was that I wanted to share our experiences with others in case it's helpful to someone in a similar situation. The second reason is that it's not like I can call my mom up and have the following conversation.

Me: "Mom, hey, guess what we did last night?"

Mother: "What did you do?"

Me: "nakeysub and I went to a play party, and I almost got TWO orgasms out of him while he was strapped to a bench with a butt plug up his ass and I used a vibrator on his cock..."

Um, yeah. You can see THAT conversation going downhill pretty quick, can't you?

I went with Mom (Mother of Mistress *LOL*) to take my grandfather to get cataract surgery a few weeks ago. Mind you, I'm a self-described Pagan (of the loosely practicing, not highly ritualized kind), and now a Mistress, sitting in the waiting area working on edits for one of my books (about a mmf menage). All around us are religious murals and icons and such because the facility was started by a highly religous guy apparently. (It's named like Catholic hospitals are frequently named if that tells you anything.)

I im'd BFF and self-described subbie sexy/semi-slut S that I was surprised I hadn't exploded into flames yet. (I should mention she's a self-described Pagan Goddess Worshipping Witch.)

Mom leans over. "What are you working on?"

I should also mention my mother is a devout church-going woman who loves me and supports me, but will doubtfully if ever read most of my writings.

Meanwhile, I've zoomed out on the document as much as I can without going blind myself, so people can't look over my shoulder and easily read the text. "Um, a manuscript."

Mom: "Oh! What's it about?" (She knows I have some racier books out there.)

Me: "It's...um...a love story."

Mom: "Oh. That's nice." Mom then goes back to her crochet. (Yes, she WAS crocheting.)

Me: *Whew!*

Meanwhile, as I'm relating the play-by-play via IM to BFF and self-described subbie sexy/semi-slut S, she's texting me back with a plethora of LOLs and OMGs, and ROTFLMFAOs. (Go ahead, you can laugh too, I know you want to.)

At least one of us was getting a kick out of it.

But I digress.

So far, with the exception of people we've met online through email lists and elsewhere, and people we've now met locally, BFF and self-described subbie sexy/semi-slut S is the ONLY one of our "real life" friends who knows our secret. (In fact, she "came out" to us about the same time nakeysub and I were formalizing our TPE relationship.)

And that's a damn hard thing sometimes. I had to sit there and nod when a friend of mine was telling me about an Oprah episode she saw where the wife wanted to be dominated. "Oh, really? Isn't that interesting." Knowing damn well if I divulged MY secret and said, "Phhpp! That's NOTHING, wait'll you hear what we did last weekend..." that it would go over about as well as full frontal nudity on Sesame Street.

This IS our life. I was honest with nakeysub that I wouldn't pull punches in this blog. What you're reading IS what we do. Albeit I edit the names and leave out details, duh. But I can, in this case, totally be and say what the fuck I want to say (and in real life, yes, I have a sailor's mouth and have trouble keeping it under control sometimes) and ask questions of the readers.

Like, I cannot go to my vanilla friends and say, "Is your husband's package high and tight, or do his balls hang loose enough you can get a metal cock ring on him?" (I mean, maybe you can with YOUR vanilla friends, but not ours.)

Also, don't scream at me, but I want a metal cock ring on him. Think of it as the ultimate wedding band. *LOL* I experimented by getting a package of plain hardware rings from Home Depot (plumbing, gardening, and sex toys whoo hoo!) and yes, he can wear one and no, it won't be dangerous for him because yes, he can still get soft after the fun is over, so no, there is no danger of him getting a hard-on that won't go away and forcing us to cut the ring off. (Actually, the silicone rings seem to work better for that.) But dammit, I found this REALLY neat engraved cockring, and I want him to wear it. I can imagine him going to work feeling it there and as he's going through his day he's thinking of me, the ultimate wedding ring, right? *G*

I was SO relieved at the play party Saturday night when I sort of joked to some of the others that I never realized Home Depot was such a great source of potential sex toys and nearly EVERYONE grinned and laughed and said, "Yep! It sure is!" *LOL* (I've always joked that Home Depot is MY toy store, and now it takes on a whoooole new meaning. *LOL*)

So this blog is from our life. It's part of my life. It's where I can vent and kvetch and put out a call for advice or answers. It's where I can post about things that happen that I can't say or post anywhere else (unless I include them in a book, and then it's fictionalized). And yes, it probably will be very funny in many places. Life (especially mine) is naturally funny. (If you can't find any humor in it, anywhere, you must be a miserable son of a bitch.) I hope you enjoy our (or nakeysub's) discomfort. And if you laugh, hell, I'm a writer, that's a good thing and a compliment.

(Note: BFF and self-described subbie sexy/semi-slut S is a real person who, yes, is reading the blog, and while I'm sure she wouldn't mind me fictionalizing her name or even possibly just using her first name, I think the moniker she gave herself while we were joking about me maybe putting an ad out for her for a Dom is much better and funnier. So it stays. It is, after all, my blog.)

Masculinity and submission

2009-04-20T16:00:00.007-04:00

I have to say up front that I echo the views of those who see male subs/slaves as every bit strong and masculine as their dominant counterparts. I mean, personally, I think it takes an extra-large metaphorical set of huevos for a man to submit to someone else, especially a woman. Doubly-especially if your kink involves any kind of humiliation or cuckolding or anything like that. (Ours does not, that's not our thing.)

The irony especially in our situation is that I am a few inches taller than nakeysub. I'm also younger by *cough* years. (Let's just say he graduated college with his undergrad degree the year after I was born.) In "normal" aspects of our relationship (and this will sound contradictory and counter-intuitive, so please bear with me) I look to him for strength. I've seen this man back down the ex-assholio, who was several inches taller than ME, and who was literally twice the weight of nakeysub. nakeysub showed no fear. (This is just one example.)

This is the part where some "purist" assholes would probably point at me and scream, "POSER!" I am not ashamed to admit that I would willingly submit to nakeysub if he suddenly came to me one day and said, "You know what? Change of rules, I'm in charge now." (Um, excuse me while I go clean myself up, because just the thought made me a bit wet.)

However, I would never willingly submit to anyone else. In all other ways, I am a dominant person. So is nakeysub mostly, outside of our relationship. I am the only person he would ever submit to in this way. And I admit I would have difficulty submitting to him outside of the bedroom or in a fully "slavish" way even inside the bedroom. And in life situations where I NEED his strength, I look to him for that strength and use it. (Isn't that the purist definition anyway? The dominant taking what they need from the sub, the sub serving the dominant in the way the dominant needs, no matter what form that service takes?)

The problem is, public perception sees men who submit as henpecked at best, and wimps at the worst. Personally, I don't see male subs as wimps (even if that role is part of their kink) because I could not submit that way to someone, not even nakeysub, to be honest. (Again, I know that sounds contradictory.)

I had ZERO trust in ex-assholio. None. Nada. Zilch. In fact, the few times I did give in to ex-assholio's pleadings to "trust" him and opened up to him emotionally, it was promptly used against me in the most horrible ways possible, as often as possible. Needless to say, I soon learned NEVER to trust him.

I totally trust nakeysub, with my life. With my child's life. With my heart and soul and honestly? I don't think I could dominate someone I didn't trust that much.

Here's another thing. I love going down on nakeysub and giving him head. Love it. LOVE IT. Does that make me any less a dominant for enjoying it? Or does it make me the epitome of dominant that when I want to do it, I push nakeysub down on the bed and go down on him? There are some who would say I'm a poser for "demeaning" myself by sucking on nakeysub's cock. There's others who would applaud me for my honesty. Guess what? I enjoy swallowing too. Get over it.

Maybe it's because we were married for so long before we formalized this aspect of our relationship. I see nakeysub first as a man. (A damn fine looking man, IMO *LOL*.) Yes, he is a sensitive man, but he is not an effeminate man (not that there's anything wrong with effeminate men either, because there's not). He's not a wimp. (The term "pit bull" comes to mind.) I see him as my husband and life partner and lover. I see him as my soul mate and love of my life and protector of my body, heart, and soul. I see him as the step-father of teenaged child. I see him as father to his own children. I see him as (to others) a boss and co-worker and well-liked and respected professional. I see him as a friend to myself and others. I see him as a highly intelligent and very talented man.

MAN. Not wimp or submissive. He's a man to me, and the rest are just roles and parts of him, no one thing totally defining him by any means.

Among other things he's called me through the years we've been together is his precious (and not in the creepy LOTR Golem way, either), wife, sweetheart, honey, lover, friend and soul mate.

Now, after having this filter firmly established, I see him as my submissive. (We prefer pet to slave, although that's just semantics.) And he calls me Mistress.

Can you see where I have an issue with people who might want to pigeonhole him (or other men) as "less than" in the testosterone department? Simply because these men are capable of a deeper level of trust in someone than the people snickering at them?

Kink does not define a whole person. It is a part of a person, of who they are. The first play party we attended, I had a great conversation with a man who was dressed as a woman and there with his wife (whom I gathered is his Top, at the very least, if not his Domme) -- ABOUT MUSCLE CARS. (I am a car nut. nakeysub is not.) We discussed this guy's '71 Mustang and the full restoration it went through. (nakeysub listened, although I'm sure he wasn't paying attention.) This man (the cross dresser) was not someone I would normally in a vanilla world think of as a "wimp" or "less than" just because he was standing there in heels, pantyhose, and a stuffed bra. (I AM a girl, and NOT a butch girl, and I HATE wearing pantyhose and a bra.)

So, was nakeysub "less than" because he was quietly sitting, nakey, at my feet while I held his leash, or was the guy I was discussing cars with "less than" because he was dressed better than I was (his make-up was better too, I should have asked him for advice with eyeliner because I suck at applying that), or was one of the male Doms there who had another Dom helping him with a scene with the girl he was with "less than" for needing someone's help? Etc. Some might automatically make assumptions about nakeysub based on his height or age relative to mine.

Get over the labels. Labels are for food contents and clothing care instructions. That's what I say.

Again, that's one of the HUGE stumbling blocks we had at the beginning, when we formalized our relationship. nakeysub was terrified--that's my take on it--to admit to me that he wanted to explore receiving anal play/sex (from me, duh). (I'm not into receiving it, but I'm not against it, if that makes sense?) We had so much difficulty finding people like us, where humiliation and sissification was not part of the kink of the male submitting to the woman. And I wasn't into being some uber-bitch Dominatrix over him either.

I guess the best advice I can give to others in the position we were in is to practice it YOUR way, for your reasons, and don't be quick to label or judge anyone who doesn't do it the same way you do, and DEFINITELY don't accept labels others try to slap on you if you don't agree with them. When I talk with people online or in email lists or now see what happens at play parties, I look at everything as a way to learn. Might not be my kink or something we'll ever do, but I never know where I might pick up a glimmer of something useful for us.

Collars

2009-04-20T13:11:00.008-04:00

Ooh! Okay, btw, because so far we've gotten a lot of positive comments on nakeysub's formal collar at the play parties, this is the one I got him, only I got him the one in black:

http://www.sub-shop.com/1682a-subjugation-collar.aspx

(Disclaimer: No affiliation, yadda yadda, just a satisfied customer.)

I love it because of the shape, and it rides lower on his neck. What I don't like about it is that it's not a locking collar. I did some research online and found a supplier for locking buckles and will either order a buckle and have a local saddle shop replace the buckle for me, or I can also order the bridle ring that's the center part and have a whole custom collar made.

*GRIN!*

His other play collar is a dog choker (I'm not happy with that, but it was the best I could do at the time) but I use one of those heart-shaped locks on it. I want a "chain" collar for him and I'm looking into other alternatives that won't cost me three mortgage payments. I would REALLY like him to have a day collar that IS a collar and not an ID bracelet, but that doesn't look like a formal collar.

He also has one of these:

http://www.sub-shop.com/4757acumalongcockringwithleadring.aspx

Ladies, he LOVES being led around by it. (Um, what you can't see is there is a D-ring on the bottom, under the balls, where you can clip a leash. *LOL*) And this is from their website, it's not nakeysub modeling his. *LOL* Again, unfortuately, it's not lockable.

Now, I DID however find a leather locking cock ring/chastity set-up over the weekend, I'm going to order that. What I like is it's soft, so he could wear it to work and not be uncomfortable, he could still go to the bathroom standing up unlike the plastic CB things, and it would be easier to fit him.

nakeysub isn't gargantuan, but he's not tiny either. While he's got an average sized cock (and I mean that literally, NOT in a diminuative or insulting way) his balls, however, are huge. And they tend ride tight and high. Which is an interesting combination, when you think about it. (Or maybe it's more common than I know, hence why I'm putting my thoughts out in this blog.)

More about us, nakeysub's daily list

2009-04-20T09:21:00.014-04:00

First of all, thank you to the new followers! *squee!* That's cool!

Second, I realized that I'd better clarify something. Just because I go by "Mistress" on the blog doesn't mean that in real life I expect y'all to treat me as a "Mistress" or Domme or whatever. For obvious reasons, I don't feel comfortable divulging real-life information of a personal nature. I just don't want to come off sounding like some freaky narcissistic bitch by calling myself "Mistress." *LOL*

For purposes of the blog, however, it's easier for us to just go by that. In real life, nakeysub is the ONLY one I allow to call me that. Frankly, I'm not super-comfortable with anything except "ma'am" or my name from others on the internet on some of the lists, but that's because I was raised in the South and "ma'am" is the norm down here. I'm not one of these people that expects all subbies to bow and scrape before me. (Only if you're MY nakeysub. *LOL*) Anyone else, you're just another person to me, not a sub or Dom/me.

(Side note: I don't get the mindset of these Dom/mes who expect all subbies to treat them like their Dom/me. I've got all I can handle with nakeysub, and my focus is on him.)

So feel free to read, but please understand I don't expect you to address me honorifically or anything like that. I'm only nakeysub's Mistress, not anyone else's. So if you're calling me Mistress, treat it like a name, like Jane or John, and please understand I'm NOT expecting you to treat me like your mistress, because I'm not.

That said, here's the basic nakeysub daily list. I know it sounds rather tame in the grand scheme of things, but we do a lot of on-the-fly things as we go, and as I find things I like, I incorporate them. Some stuff I don't have on the list, things like him doing dishes, etc. and obviously sexually related things, because again that's another on-the-fly thing. nakeysub knows what's expected of him and does it. Sometimes he does more than he's expected (always appreciated) and sometimes life gets in the way. I do not punitively punish. It's not effective, IMO. It's fine for me to expect him to do five hours of chores after he works a 10-hour day and drives an hour each way to and from work, but it would quickly lead to burn-out for him and irritation for me.

Also, this list is constantly growing and evolving. It started out with three things on it and is modified nearly weekly as we tweak. I know this might seem a slow progress to people, but I spent a lot of years training dogs, and the best training methods, the most effective ones, are building slow, making sure basic commands are mastered, then adding slowly. So that's the same approach I'm taking in our TPE with nakeysub. It will help both of us stave off the burn-out that seems to happen to a lot of people. And remember we've been married 12 years, so this aspect of our lives is wound throughout our daily activities and isn't limited to a set series of required tasks. How he addresses me, how he defers to me, it's all part of it and it'd be a waste of time to try to incorporate it as part of a list.

(Note: I've *** out names for obvious reasons.)

(Note #2: sometimes my child isn't home and is visiting their father. Obviously nakeysub can be more nakey when the child isn't home. Our task list reflects this, although most other things, nakeysub still does when our child is home, such as chores, etc. He just does them without his formal collar and in a non-nakey state.)

(Note #3: I've got comments following.)

----

Task List

NOTE: If you do not immediately clarify any questions/concerns with Mistress about the content of these items, it will be assumed you have no questions or concerns about them and agree to them. If you ever decide you are unwilling or unable to carry any of these out, you must immediately bring it to Mistress' attention before there are problems. Make sure to read through all items carefully, because changes may be made to any existing item at any time. Eventually, I will start denoting new/modified items with a different-colored background or other distinctive manner, and then once you read it you can change it to the default. But for now you must review the entire list.

You will date and initial the table below after reading through this list every day. If you must miss a day, you will ask Mistress for permission to miss a day and you will note the missed day in the date column the next time you access this document, and you will note in the comments that you had Mistress' permission to miss the day. If you check the document first thing in the morning, you might want to check it again late at night before you go to bed. If you check it twice, you do not have to notate the table twice, but you may update your comments for that day if you wish.

1. Every morning when you get up, and after you have taken care of designated tasks, if you turn on your computer, the first thing you check is your task list and your *** email for messages from me. If you don't turn your computer on until later, the first thing you do is take care of these tasks. After you read the entire list, you will enter the date on the table below and input any comments you might have.

2. You will check this Google docs task list when you check your gmail account to make sure there are no new additions and follow it as appropriate.

3. If there are messages from me, attend to them immediately after checking this list for updates/changes.

4. You will always bring Mistress coffee in the morning.

5. You will always turn Mistress' laptop on in the morning when you get up.

6. You will always kiss Mistress upon returning home.

7. You will always kiss Mistress good night before going to sleep.

8. You will always kiss Mistress good-bye before leaving for work or on errands.

9. Collar - On child-free days: you will immediately upon arriving home get it and bring it to me so I can put it on you and make sure you're properly attired.

10. Day/public collar - you will always wear it. The only time you may remove it without prior permission is for a shower or in an emergency. If removed in an emergency, you must notify Mistress immediately and put it back on as soon as possible.

11. Brush teeth every night before coming to bed.

12. Make sure before going to sleep that Mistress has set the alarm clock.

13. Make sure you always have your cell phone with you when you leave the house, and if Mistress isn't home, you will carry your cell phone on you at home in case I try to call.

14. Do NOT walk the dogs where they are pooping close to the neighbors' yards. Period.

15. When you drive, you WILL lock your car doors and keep them locked.

16. When I ask you for an opinion, you will give it to me. You will not simply say, "Whatever you want, Mistress." If you truly have no opinion, you may say, "I have no preference or opinion, Mistress," or words to that effect. If you DO have a preference or opinion, you will state it, even if you think it might contradict what my opinion/preference is. You will leave the final decision up to me unless I give the matter to you for your decision. If I give you a decision to make, you will make it, not pass it back to me with a, "Whatever you want, Mistress," answer. If I wanted to make the decision without input, I would have made it without asking you to begin with.

Other Items

1. Your balls and body will be shaved at least every Saturday, whether it's me doing it or you have to do it yourself. (You will ask first.) They will also be freshly shaved before any special engagements (munches, etc.).

2. You will properly care for your toys (cleaning, etc.) and always know where they're at so you can get them if Mistress instructs you. Failure to properly care for your toys will result in them being taken away.

3. When you are collared, whether with your day collar or a real collar, remember that your behavior reflects upon your Mistress. You will always present yourself in such a way as to reflect positively upon me, because your behavior speaks to how I have trained you. To vanilla others, you should appear as a devoted, loving husband. To people in the lifestyle, it should be obvious that you are my sub and that I am your Mistress.

4. In public, with the exception of restrooms, I should never have to open my own doors -- car or otherwise -- unless I specifically tell you not to. Even if I'm driving, you will get out, come around, and open my door for me when I'm ready to get out/in.

5. You will always pull my chair out and hold it for me in public and wait until I'm seated to sit. If I get up, you can sit after I leave, but upon my return you will stand and help me with my chair. (Note: If we are in a situation where this is not feasible due to company or seating arrangements, I will give you alternate direction at that time.)

6. I will order for us at restaurants. You may have an opportunity to voice your preference, but I get the final say and I am the one who will order.

7. When you are addressing me in public as my sub, unless it's a totally safe setting, you should not use the Mistress title but you will still address me in the manner you would as your Mistress. (You can use Sweetheart instead of Mistress in these cases.) You must drop your voice so others can't hear, and speak slowly and clearly so I can hear you, wait until you have my attention and I am focused on you so I do not have to ask you to repeat yourself. You do NOT want me to have to ask you to repeat yourself on D/s issues in public when you are addressing me as my sub, because you will be made to repeat it loudly. Remember that I frequently have difficulty understanding voices in crowded settings, so wait until I am looking at you and have indicated that I am ready for you to speak to me. Do not cover your lips when you speak to me like that; seeing you speak helps me understand your words better. Likewise, when I need to speak to you, immediately pay attention to what I have to say. You do not want ME to repeat myself either.

8. If I ever address you as *** in public, you should immediately focus your full attention on me.

9. You will quietly ask me for permission if you wish to get up to leave the table without me. If you have to go to the bathroom, you may simply ask, "May I be excused?" If you wish to get up for another reason, specify why.

10. When we first arrive at a function, I will introduce us/talk to the host. You may freely talk to others without my prior permission unless otherwise directed. However, you need to be aware of me in case I give you any cues/signals.

11. If not seated, you will stay with me, at my side, unless you quietly ask for permission to go elsewhere without me. I should never have to look around to find you. This applies to when we are in stores as well.

12. You may NOT address any person other than myself with a Dom/me-related title unless you have my express permission to do so. Likewise, you may not take orders from another Dom/me without my express permission. You are not allowed to touch or be touched by others (outside of incidental, innocent contact like shaking hands, obviously). Remember, you are MY sub. With any other person you are just that -- an equal, regardless of what they might think or how they might act. Never tolerate orders or dominant treatment from anyone else. If you are uncomfortable dealing with a situation with another Dom/me, you will immediately let me know so I can handle it. You are sub ONLY to me.

13. PUBLIC SAFE WORD TRIGGER: You will not normally call me *** in public unless I tell you to ahead of time. If in public, if there is ever any situation where you need to IMMEDIATELY switch to "vanilla" mode for whatever reason, whether at a Munch or elsewhere, you will look to me, get my attention, and quietly say, "***, RED." By saying that, I will know that there is something seriously wrong, and that is my cue from you that for whatever reason, we must stop. I promise I will not question/confront you, and we will immediately revert to husband/wife with no repercussions later, regardless of why you had to call the safe word. But be warned -- I will NOT go back to D/s roles in that setting unless you can get me alone and discuss what happened and why and we can go over new ground rules. I will assume that whatever happened that triggered the response requires immediate discretion and vanilla appearance for the duration of the event. If ever in doubt, it is better to invoke the safe word than risk a complication. If there is ever an issue where you need to get my attention because we need to make on-the-fly adjustments, but you don't wish to drop the D/s, You will say, "***, YELLOW," and we will try to privately confer to take care of the issue, or if it's temporary (someone comes in and then leaves) you can say, "***, GREEN," to resume things. (The green trigger will ONLY work in conjunction with a yellow trigger. If you ever trigger RED, I will not go back to D/s until after we have time to talk privately.) Likewise, I will use the same triggers with you, only I will call you ***. If I ever trigger RED, you will immediately revert to vanilla mode without question or hesitation. HOWEVER, I have the right to trigger green to resume D/s after I pull a red or a yellow trigger. (You can ONLY trigger green after yellow, not red.) The reason for this is that I need to know why you triggered red in the first place so I can be aware of it. You do not need to know why I've triggered red, it should be enough to know that I've triggered it, and I can rescind it at My discretion.

14. If you have any suggestions for rules you want in this list, you may include them in your daily comments below.

SPECIAL INSTRUCTIONS REGARDING PLAY PARTIES/FORMAL BDSM EVENTS:

1. These instructions may change. Make sure you have reviewed them again before we leave to make sure there are no last-minute changes. Once I have specific instructions/directions, I will update this.

2. You will obey Me. You do NOT want to disobey Me or do anything to embarrass Me at this event.

3. You are NOT to touch anyone but Me, or allow anyone but Me to touch you at any time. Including accidentally. You must remain aware of your surroundings at all times to prevent any contact.

4. You will NOT accept any orders from anyone but Me UNLESS it's a request for you to move out of someone else's way because of a scene/safety issue.

5. You will follow whatever rules we are given to follow at the event.

6. You will stand/sit wherever and however I tell you to for as long as I tell you to.
More items will follow. You will check this document every day to make sure you have followed the tasks appropriately. Make sure to fill out the table every day after checking the document.

-----

And below that, in Google Docs, I've got a table set up that he enters the date, his initials, and any comments he might have for the day that need addressing. Now, I know to some reading this they might think my safeword stuff is a little convoluted, but frankly, it's needed. Once nakeysub is able to retire, most of that will drop. Until then, I refuse to do anything that would "out" nakeysub to his co-workers and staff for a variety of reasons. nakeysub is, outside of our marriage, in a leadership role. I would not call him a hard Alpha-type male, more a Gamma, a mix of Alpha and Beta depending on the circumstances. But to out him could potentially undermine him in that way, and I refuse to do that. (I'm Dominant, NOT stupid.)

The problem is, of course, incorporating 24/7 TPE into vanilla life. (Another good reason for us to take it slow and gradually.) We've been working on things as we go and adjusting as needed. We aren't in this to "play," we're seriously in it. Some people might play it for a weekend or whatever, but this IS our life. And we have to successfully merge vanilla needs that keep our family and nakeysub's career functioning the way they should with our desires for 24/7 full-on M/s. Making this more tricky is a teenaged child at home.

(Side note: Anyone with teenaged children at home, please feel free to chime in with suggestions on that topic as well!)

When teenaged child isn't home, obviously nakeysub's "play" life is more fulfilling in some ways. I mean, I know there's some out there who would say, "Well, nakeysub should count his blessings that Mistress lets him play at all and doesn't make him wear clothes all the time." Very true. However, part of MY enjoyment from this process (because I'm not a sadist) is that I get a kick out of nakeysub's enjoyment of what we do and watching him. Sometimes I can see the wheels spinning in nakeysub's brain as he's doing something. Having nakeysub in nakey state increases MY enjoyment. *LOL* (Did I mention that nakeysub has a nice ass? *LOL*)

Getting the "day collar" (an ID bracelet I had engraved on the inside) was pretty uneventful. Teenaged child looked at it, asked what it was, I told him it was just a piece of jewelry I gave nakeysub as an early anniversary gift. Teenaged child shrugged and said, "What's for dinner?"

But obviously, there are aspects of our life that have subtly changed. A few teenaged child picked up on, like one day I was asked why nakeysub now gets the car doors for me all the time when we were going out to eat one night. (nakeysub used to do it occasionally, but he rarely helped me OUT of the car unless I was really dressed up and in heels, although he would almost always hold the car door for me getting in.)

I told teenaged child that it's what gentlemen and GOOD husbands do for their wives, hoping the lesson would rub off at least in that regard. (Goddess knows the teenaged child's father never held doors for me.) Teenaged child, of course, shrugged and said, "Whatever. When are we eating?" (One of teenaged child's nicknames is "the bottomless pit." Must be a teenaged child thing.)

One funny thing however, is our dogs. When nakeysub does something like kneel in front of me to rub my feet (not something I require, but I have to admit it's fun to watch him do), the dogs invariably think, "Ohh! Daddy wants to play!" and suddenly nakeysub is surrounded by dogs. *LOL* Also, on formal child-free play days, you can see our littlest dog (who is the only one who wears a collar in the house so I can hear where the damn pipsqueak is) looking at nakeysub's collar with this, "Daddy, you are sooo scwoood," look on her face. *LOL*

(Side note: Because I'm a writer and my mind works like this, I wonder what our dogs must think. Here is Daddy--aka nakeysub--now running around nakey and with a collar. What goes through their minds, I wonder, when they see that? *LOL* I know the evening I walked out to the living room to grab a leather leash off the hook by the door caused a stir amongst the furbaby troops, who were very disappointed to find it was being used to tie their Daddy to the bed and not to take them out for a walk.)

Geez, I hope I didn't totally bore y'all with that!

The Adventures of Mistress and nakeysub

Wonderful weekend.

The Wheel has Turned

Happy Spanksgiving!

Hmm. Yeah, Hell's frozen over.

Why I love my husband.

Cabron (Pt. 5)

Back from the dead...again.

Cabron (Pt. 4)

HNT

Thoughts on "Domme by Default"

Cabron (Pt. 3)

HNT: Another one for the foot fettishers.

Thoughts on "female superiority."

I WANT ONE!

No, not missing...

HNT

Countdown.

Ask nakeysub.

Spank you very much.

Cabron (Pt. 2)

Not quite the plan.

HNT: Happy New Year!

How to Dominate a Turkey

Sentimentalism.

Kinky Fucky Time

Underestimation.

Oohhh, Santa!

Why Dominants can't play cards together.

WTF?

Oops.

HNT: Season's Beatings!

And now for something a little different: Cabron (Pt. 1)

*sniff* Smells like a frustrated asshole wannabe writer to me.

A little to the left...

HNT

Contentment.

Need to redecorate.

Well, hello there.

Go ahead...pull the other one!

Catching Up

To Sir Fucktard, With Extreme Hatred

How ya diggin that view from inside your RECTUM?

Survived Fetcon 2009

Frrrrrreeeeedommmm!

Gettin' all girlie.

Guilty Pleasures

HNT

Failure to launch.

Back in the saddle...

Be careful what you wish for.

Sugasm #167

Gotta love family...right?

Act of cat.

Fluidity.

Sugasm #166

Stalling

Ch-ch-ch-changes...

Humming good time.

Thoughts about the play party and Femdom.

HNT

HNT on a Monday

OMF'ingG!

Text strokes.

Sugasm #165

HNT pic

nakeysub's kink list

What's in the box?

Anticipation

Munch bunch.

Belated HNT pics

Catching up, miscellaneous giggles and guffaws.

I pwned its ass!!

Heh heh heh.

More torture of the not-fun kind.

Elliptical - 1, Mistress - 0

ka-CHING! Part Deux, and Ow!

ka-CHING!

Woot! Payday!

I'm gonna feel real purdy...

sniff Smells like a frustrated asshole wannabe writer to me.